Struggling with symptoms

[NotQuiteUsual]

I have a diagnosis of depressive psychosis. I see my mental health nurse Friday and am calling her tomorrow. But for now I'm struggling with what's real and fake.

I can feel bugs crawling all over me. I know that's fake but it's so uncomfortable. I keep hearing the kids crying, dh kept telling me I was hearing things but he's asleep now. Maybe they were crying and he was lying. I can't hear anything now.

My 'friend' is planning something. I think she's trying to steal my life and wants to take my place. The children don't feel like mine anymore they feel like strangers in my house. It's part of the plan. Last time I knew about something this scary the meds made it go away and feel normal again. I just reduced my meds because I was doing so well. But if I take more meds I'll be all out of it and the friend will be able to swoop in and take my life easier. But if I don't take them the kids are strangers. I can't win. I just want this fog in my head to clear. I want to be me before this happened.

Hi @NotQuiteUsual - didn't want to leave you with no one to talk to at 2.30am.

Bless you, I think you know that this is the tapering the meds talking. Deep down you know it's not true, just as the crying sounds weren't real and neither are the bugs. But they feel real, I acknowledge that.

What might calm you down for now, before you can phone your MH nurse in the morning? A hot drink and reading something light maybe? Not online but in a book or kindle if you have one. Might quieten your mind a bit.

Please be kind to yourself and access the help you need first thing in the morning. Be sure to show your DH this thread so he can see how serious your symptoms are; he can advocate for you if you can't.

Thinking of you, try and get some sleep if you can.

Thank you for your kindness. I've told dh everything. He says this friend isn't doing anything. But she's definitely up to something.

I got some lovely books for Christmas and I'm hungry. Maybe I'll have a snack and read. I want off these meds the side effects are killer. But I reduce my dose a tiny bit and the world stops making sense. I miss normal me. Part of me died when i had my first episode and is never coming back.

Exactly what I just did; couldn't sleep as we are all back to school/work tomorrow so I made a cup of milky bedtime tea and a tuna sandwich and took a melatonin gummy. Hopefully that and my kindle will send me off.

I'm glad that your DH is supportive and I think that he's probably right about the friend, but I also acknowledge that your feelings are real. Make sure he advocates for you to your MH professionals tomorrow if you don't feel able to yourself. It'll help you to get the help that you need as quickly as possible.

OP you sound paranoid. Are you coming off the medication yourself without supervision?

If you have a psychiatrist then make an appointment to see her to discuss your medication. You might be able to change to a different one.

The bugs aren't real, the children aren't crying and your friend isn't plotting against you. You're not well.

You can contact NHS Direct option 2 and speak to the mental health team if you need to talk.

No I'm tapering under psychiatrist support. I'd never come off my meds without the psychiatrists say so. I know it sounds paranoid, but this friend really isn't right right now.

I'll be talking to my mental.health nurse tomorrow. She always knows what to do.

It’s ok OP. Your husband is telling you the truth. You can get to the morning xx

I spoke to my mh nurse she's getting the psychiatrist to put my meds back up tomorrow when he's in. Then she's coming Wednesday to give me the script. I'm gutted tapering hasn't worked. But I tried I suppose.

You did try, not your fault it didn’t work- and now you’ve done what’s best for you. I’m really glad you got help x