My sister has shut everyone out and I don’t know what to do?

[Zombieof3]

My sister is a 31 year old woman who has significant mental health issues over the years, as have I.

recently she has been really struggling, it started off by shutting my dad out which has been going on a year, now she has completely shut me, my mum and my sister out. I know she is really unwell but I am so worried for her safety. I can’t tell if she’s suicidal or not as she won’t even speak to me. I had to ask her boyfriend if she is ok to get an answer as otherwise I was going to call the police to get a welfare check done. I know it isn’t likely to be personal and that it’s just she is unwell but I am so hurt and I just need my sister. We’re usually really close and she has always been my biggest support and now she won’t let me be that for her. Idk what to do, I just miss her a lot and so do my children. Idk what to do but it’s breaking my heart

Sorry this is happening. Is her boyfriend helpful when you speak to him? Does she have a social worker you can speak to? Perhaps you could write her a letter explaining your concern and saying how much you miss her.

Alarm bells are ringing now you've mentioned a DP

Could her boyfriend be controlling and coercive ?

If you think this then you can get the police involved as they're now trained in this area

Boyfriend is fairly new on the scene and I don’t think he fully comprehends her mental state at the moment. He also won’t share much information with us which my sister may have requested. No social worker on scene, she has been fairly stable for the last few years and then this happened. I’m thinking a letter may be the best way, she hasn’t removed me from social media or blocked my number so I know she’s gotten my messages. I’m assuming she is too overwhelmed to deal with people but then I could be wrong. It’s just surprisingly hurtful and I’m trying my best not to get too upset or angry with her but it feels really unfair to completely blank our messages when we are all just really concerned for her wellbeing 😞

I honestly don’t know. Everyone says he is a great guy, when I’ve met him he’s been too nice if that makes sense. He’s very clingy to her and it’s all since he has been on the scene but my sister was very open with us all prior to this so I’m unsure tbh.

Oh dear - I’ve been through this for the past year and just by sporadically sending messages of support (nothing needy from me - entirely about her) my sister has finally let me back in just at the moment she needed me. In her moment of total collapse. What a shame that people cut others off when they need them. It’s a pattern I have seen a lot.

So, I would just send regular texts saying I hope you are ok and please know I am here for you. Hopefully they will get through her barriers.

I’m sorry that you have also been experiencing the same, it’s so heartbreaking and unsettling. We’ve always been so close, I just don’t know what to do.

I ended up driving over there today because I was so full of worry and needed to see her. She answered the door to me and said that she’s suicidal and does not want to be here anymore. She stated she hasn’t got any plans but that she won’t go to the hospital and doesn’t have a gp appointment until the 21st. Everything I suggested she shut down.

I have been guilty of this and still am , but unlike you, my family have no experience of MH problems themselves so don't get it (very anti meds etc)
I used to open up with mother but less so now as she does not keep it confidential - shares with my siblings , probably as she cant deal with the burden alone. Additionally , she has health issues with my dad.
Could it be that she is being more private as she isn't confident for him to know about her MH struggles. ?
I would continue sending her supportive messages etc as well as giving her contact numbers etc of crisis support eg CALM / Samaritans etc. You are doing the right thing asking about suicide etc and keep those avenues of communication open.
Maybe ask her just to reply with very brief messages /thumbs up when you message her. so you know she is reading them .

Is she on meds ? Perhaps needs a review / dose increase / change?

How very difficult. I think it’s a good idea to give her the telephone lines to call for when she feels absolutely desperate.