Desperately struggling to get through until Monday’s appointment

[GurlWithACurl]

I have started threads on this before and have had kind responses. This time I am asking for some support to get through until my appointment with a psychiatrist on Monday.

Background: I have a whole host of medical conditions dating back 20 years and am now in my late 60s. I live with DH and adult DC who are very supportive. On “good” days I can help with housework for short stretches of time in the afternoon. On bad days I stay in bed to be near the bathroom. Occasionally, on a rare very good day, I manage to go out for a short while with DC, to get my hair cut or have tea and cake.

I have memory issues so struggle to remember things, but bouts of severe depression started around 2 years ago. The GP changed the type and dose of antidepressants to see if that would help. This didn’t work. I get waves of suicidal feelings which are unbearable and I have been waiting months for the local mental health team to see me.

My dark thoughts are terrifying because I feel suicidal. I just want these horrible illnesses and misery to end. It’s hard to get through the days feeling like this. I would never end my life because of my family. They are wonderful and I could not do that to them.

Can anyone suggest anything that could help me get through the next few days until my appointment? TIA

Is there anything you like to do? Any hobbies?

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this, it sounds unbearable. Could you go to A&E if you are feeling this bad? I really hope this passes for you soon.

you sound like a lovely person. Really sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. I don’t have the knowledge or expertise to give you advice but I just want to let you know I have everything crossed for you to feel better soon. Is it a long time or short since the doc amended your medications? Changes can temporarily cause havoc and make anxiety depression or panic feelings worse for a little while. Could it be a temporary thing like that? Is there any chance you could arrange a short outing for the weekend for a cake or something like that, to give you a short distraction and a little plan for before your appointment to break up the wait? I appreciate that will be dependent on you being well enough that day

How are you doing op?

My mantra to myself - you've 100% success rate at getting through each day you've lived so far. Itight have been awful at times but.......you've done it. 100% success rate at anything else would be viewed as amazing.

You ARE amazing. You ARE able to get through. You ARE able to cope.

Do you have a diagnosis related to yourempry? Only reason I ask is that severe bouts of depression can be related to some cognitive/neurological problems. I assume you've been fully investigated for this.

Best wishes, I believe in you x

On a practical note, if you've been unwell and unable to get out of the house and enough sunshine, you might be vitamin D deficient which can cause depression. You could start on a standard dose tomorrow from the supermarket but I'd ask your GP to run a blood test, in case it's very low and you need a higher strength tablet to get it back up. Hold on in there, there are things to try, options to explore.

If you feel like you are in crisis you can contact NHS Direct option 2 for the mental health team.

You can contact CALM. They have a helpline and webchat.

You can also phone the Samaritans 24/7.

Try and take your mind off things. Watch a series, some comedies, listen to some podcasts or audio books. Journal to get it out of your head.

Thanks to you all for your kind messages. I am struggling as usual this morning but will try to answer you properly later on when my brain is a little clearer.

Just sending a hug in your direction and hoping you've managed to get through today ok

Have you tried the mydbt website? Lots of tools on there and each are free.
It might not be your thing but my friend does her nails when she's struggling it absorbs her mind for a bit and passes the time.
A gentle podcast can be good too x
Hope you can find things that bring you some comfort and peace x you're doing the right thing reaching out :)

Thank you all once again from the bottom of my heart. I have been reading through your suggestions and kind comments.

Hobbies: I use my iPad all day for just about everything: web surfing, keeping in touch with friends (I have none locally but a lot scattered around the world), managing my blog, researching my interests and reading ebooks. I watch TV with DH and chat with him and DS. I can’t do my previous more physical hobbies since I had a stroke.

A&E: I don’t want to go there if I can avoid it as I have spent too much time there over the last few years!

Outings: I am not well enough at the moment, but I do sometimes go out with DS when I feel a bit stronger. DH cannot really leave the house.

Meds review: I am going to ask about that on Monday and am taking a detailed sheet that I use to keep track of them because I have to take so many. I am already taking vitamin D daily.

Organisations: thank you for the list. I will use it if I can’t cope.

All of your suggestions are really helpful and have given me ideas. I am so grateful for your kindness and support. You are all making a real difference!

Unmumsnetty hugs all round.

Great to hear from you @GurlWithACurl sounds like to try to do what you can. Do you have much dexterity? I'm thinking active things with hands that don't require much 'physicality' as it does sound like you spend quite a lot of time in the virtual world which will inevitably have an impact on your mental health, self esteem and confidence (it certainly does with me).
I know there's a lot more too it than just try something else but to keep you ticking over I'd maybe try
-drawing: have you got a window in your bedroom you can observe and draw what you see?

• wildlife spotting: again from any window, get some binoculars or just watch and look purposefully and see whats out there, journal it, you'll start to notice patterns and who/what visits! Get a handbook so you can look up anything you don't recognise. On a good day put out a bird feeder or ask your son to or a pot plant to add to the attraction for animals/nature. A good buddlea when it flowers attracts many many butterfly's and it's just beautiful to watch
• crochet with larger/wide bore hooks
• get some house plants
• word searches
• on the worst days get dressed. Brush your teeth. Simple but effective and may be all you achieve that day and that's fine.
• gentle seated/laying stretches/yoga as you are able
• listen to a podcast or music. Schedule this in to the day and make yourself do it.
• bake very simple somethings g 3/4 ingredient cookies
• paper craft

Basically anything that gets the hand/head relationship going.

You can do this xx

Hi op, I was also going to suggest something "crafty" and comfortingly repetitive; patchwork, embroidery or knitting. Creativity can help you get in to a sort of mind "zone" which clears the head. I find that nature always helps to soothe as well; growing some herb seeds indoors in pots. Or there are bird feeding stations which attach to a window or have a video attached. I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow.

Apologies for not updating this yesterday, but I have been really unwell.

The psych appointment was very good. The Consultant talked to me for over an hour, asking very insightful questions and going through the sheet that I had written in advance of the appointment. He was also puzzled by the timing of my depressive events! Anyway, to cut things short, he prescribed a different antidepressant, which arrived today. So, I will taper off the old one and start the new one. I hope it has some effect!

He has also suggested counselling and the local team have already contacted me. I already know that there is a long waiting list, and understand why.

I am very scared and nervous, hoping desperately that all of this helps me. My issues are putting so much pressure on my family and they have their own problems to deal with. I will try to update this thread if anything changes.

Many thanks for all of the suggestions, ideas and kindness.

What is mydbt ?

I am so glad that the consultant was the listening type op and you have some ongoing support arranged. I hope you don’t have to wait too long for the local team to see you. I also hope the new meds are helpful.

You sound like a really lovely person to be so concerned about your family in the middle of feeling so ill. But you can’t help being ill op. This situation wasn’t if your choosing. You deserve effective treatment and help. So try not to be too hard on yourself 💐

@GurlWithACurl well done for reaching out here, for getting an appointment, attending, for trying new meds. This is all brilliant proactive stuff you have done to help yourself.

You sounds very self aware and knowledgeable about your conditions so you will know everything I am about to say, but sometimes it’s worth hearing it again.

Your long term physical and mental health can be improved incrementally by lots of things:

• exercise
• nature
• diet
• socialising
• learning new things
• meds
• therapy
• supplements
• meditation
• creative projects

None of these will be a silver bullet and you can have therapy or a great diet and still feel awful but each one helps all the others be more effective.

When you’re in the depths of despair then eating a salad or stretching a part of your body seems pointless but they are just one string in the web of support you can weave around yourself.

ive recently been feeling very dark but listened to a lot of podcasts about my conditions, came up with a few new things to try and feel much more positive for having a plan.

sometime channeling my fear and sadness into something creative also helps.

How much of this stuff do you have in place?