Give me some perspective please :(

[riverofjordan]

Just that really. Does this sound like a tough phase in life to you, should I get help? or do I sound ridiculous and just need to lighten up???

SAHM to DS 11mo, and I'm 13wks pg. I'm so down, just stopped caring really. I feel so stupid I have a lovely life really but I've just lost my spark the last few weeks, feel like I'm just going through the motions, the slightest things send me into floods of tears.

I feel like it could be a build up of.... Pg symptoms while chasing a busy crawler round. Generally finding ds hard work lately tbh, suddenly very very active and not at all cuddly, feels very thankless... Husband works 12hrs/day so it's just me and ds all day every day. MIL will have him if I ask but she works part time. I'm nervous about 2 under 2, pregnancy was a big shock. Recently diagnosed ADHD and reallyy struggling with housework since having DS. We haven't told anyone outside of parents & siblings that I'm expecting so I feel a bit on edge when seeing friends & extended family. Dark wet winter days. IBS flare ups. And a family member I'm close to has suddenly had her husband leave her which I think has hit me harder than I realised.

But I'm very happily married with a lovely house and families and friends, we're not rich but money's not a problem, we all have full health etc. I'm so ashamed that I'm not enjoying this life...

There’s nothing to be ashamed off @riverofjordan so please don’t think that. Managing an 11 month old whilst navigating a new pregnancy must be exhausting and your hormones will be all over the place. Can you mention everything you said here to your midwife and see if they can offer some advice/support? I had PND with my second baby and wish I’d sought help earlier. Please speak to someone about how you’re feeling, it might make your load feel lighter if nothing else. Good luck xx

Thank you x I am seeing the midwife Monday so perhaps I'll try and speak to them. I just feel so foolish trying to explain it when everything must look perfect from the outside...

I think that your feelings are valid. It's a very tricky part of life and your hormones are playing a massive part in how you feel

I don't live in the UK but I've always wondered how people cope with the darkness and cold.
Just take one day at a time and go easy of yourself and don't feel bad for feeling bad but also don't let yourself fall too hard.
Talk to your husband, speak to people and tell them how you feel, you'd be surprised how much better you feel when you share your issues.

Just because you have a nice house, a husband and good family and friends doesn’t mean you are any less likely to experience feelings of depression or overwhelm, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and your midwife will absolutely not judge you because of that. Don’t underestimate how much your body goes through when you are pregnant, and your first one is still only 11 months old, I think it can take up to two years for our hormones to settle down after having a baby so you have a double dose right now!

do u ever get a break from your little one? Is there someone who could have them for a few hours so you get a chance to relax or just do something for yourself? Xx

Definitely speak to the midwife about it on Monday. They will be well used to this and be able to advise. It’s nothing to do with how things look or ‘should’ be. There can be hormonal or other physical issues caused by pregnancy which need to be investigated. Also you are describing not having much help and also adhd which is inherently going to make things more of a struggle. If money is ok can you buy more help in, childcare or a cleaner at least?

Thank you all. My MIL is the only one who could probably have him, she usually does if I ask but she does work part time and I'm at home all day so I feel bad!! I'll ask what she thinks about a regular time to have him, even a half day each week would let me collect my thoughts. And I will speak to the midwife next week. Had another meltdown this morning just because nap time didn't work out quite as I'd hoped, I don't want to keep treating ds as a nuisance it's not his fault. Thank you x