Is this Burnout?

[Ladylalaboo1]

I'm not sure if that's what this is, but I've been struggling for a while. I work as a TA in a school and have 3 young children at home as well. I love my job, I'm passionate about it, I'm good at it, I always give it my everything. I'm also in the process of training to be a primary school teacher ( currently finishing my HLTA course but will be starting this after). I've done this job for 15 months after 9-5 office jobs and I felt finally I was in a job that fit. I've also been on the referral list for ADHD for over 2 years now, for ongoing issues I've had with myself and in my life, that lead to my doctor and myself referring me. I've suffered in the past with anxiety- being diagnosed sertraline after the birth of my first daughter 10 years ago due to post natal anxiety. For the past I'd say 3 months I've felt more and more stressed - more pressure at work, lack of support, always being someone who steps up to help so now feel that's being taken advantage of slightly. Home life is just never ending, busy, hard , relentless. My DH is supportive and does an equal share in things. It's come to a head this Christmas holiday where I've just been miserable, emotional, crying at every moment. Trying my best to get in the mood and to come across happy but just feeling numb. I feel like I'm failing at everything and that I cannot be the person I need to be. I'm not happy at all, I'm just on autopilot trying to make sure the bare minimum is done. I just feel such a sense of dread and doom and gloom. I'm not sure if it's the stress of work that's caught up with me along side my personal life. Maybe it's the ADHD that I suspect I do have causing issues as I'm not medicated or anything so it's just there within me. Or maybe I don't even have ADHD and I'm using that as a crutch and I could just be depressed? I've no clue. Broke down to DH the other morning as I just need help. I cannot continue like this for much longer. I'm pushing him away, I recoil if he comes near me to touch me and anything he says I read into and take it a negative or insensitive way. I just feel helpless and that I'm really at a point where I want to give up, but know I can't because of my family, so now I'm just kind of floating , hoping it gets better. I spoke with my mum briefly who is a counsellor and who has sent me some people to enquire about and get some therapy from, which I definitely think I could do with. Is this what this sounds like though, a burn out? I feel like I could just lay down for the next week and cry and sleep, I obviously can't but that's what it feels like I want to do. Any advice is welcome ♥️

So sorry you are feeling this way. You sound very like me, have been struggling for over 4 years with various degrees of feeling down and overwhelmed - I am 44 years old and live with my DH and 2DC. I had counselling for depression and anxiety that helped a little, better counsellor might have had a bigger impact so if you do go down this route I hope you find a good one. I also suspect adhd. I know now I am perimenopausal which on its own can cause a lot of our feelings. Combine perimenopause with adhd you multiply all the symptoms. I did have physical symptoms and been through a lot of tests to rule out other conditions which left me with perimenopause. Haven't explored adhd yet. I started HRT in September and have been feeling better both physically and emotionally. Was very deficient in vitamin D which is vital to us, not just for bone growth. Last year was better than the 3 before as I also made dietary changes, no particular diet, just more keto in general - much less sugar and carbs and no ultraprocessed foods. I know that what I need is more exercise, even less sugar and carbs and HRT to keep going. I also crave a community, I have friends but all live far from me and don't see them often. Hang in there and don't stop looking for answers. Take a couple of weeks off to focus on yourself and figure out what next. Look into perimenopause, it can start as early as 30 years of age. Male doctors dismiss it and most doctors don't know much about it. Don't trust everything the doctors say or their advice, do your own research and challenge them. The NHS is not serving us, it's all too politically correct.

How olds are you are could you be perimenopausal?

Hi OP,
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

I just wanted to focus on one aspect of your post. You have said that you love your teaching assistant post. If you are struggling to balance work and home life I would urge you to enjoy it for at least a few years as teacher training will be another level of stress and workload unfortunately.

You've just described my Xmas too. I'm booking blood tests to check if I'm deficient in iron or b12. Can you check the basics like that?
Sounds like burnout to me. Feels that way too.

Thank you all for your posts, it's so comforting to just read I'm not alone, and hope that everyone feeling similarly finds comfort in it too. To answer some questions I'm 35 in march so I wouldn't have thought id be perimenopausal , however, I know that it's not impossible, I'm not in my twenties so could very well be early onset that's causing these hormonal issues. I have yet to have any blood tests done so I think that's something to book in the new year. Yeah I'm in two minds to be honest I'm being told constantly at work this is what I'm good at I'm a natural to do it, there's always a reason not too. And I am older than others who might have gone into the profession straight after uni so I think that's something that others me. I think I'm putting pressure on myself to do this and have it as my career when I can see if I'm struggling now - how will I feel training to or being a primary school teacher. I think I just need to stop, not make any decisions regarding my career right now and as the PP said maybe sit with doing this for a while longer and just see how it goes. I do think lifestyle is a huge thing, I probably don't eat the best of foods, I don't eat meat, and try to cook a lot of food fresh but there are some days/ evenings where I don't and I hardly eat. Whenever I'm stressed or anxious my appetite goes, ( which rationally I know that will then fuel these feelings but when I'm in it it's different i just can't get hungry or get my appetite back up!) I feel better the more people I talk too, but feel ill do better if I go and speak to my mum properly and hash everything out. She's a really good support and I know she has felt nice been pushing away lately. Which I have, it's something I've always done but the more I struggle the more my walls go up and I shut out everyone and try to deal with on my own, which I know isn't healthy. I just want to find the joy in life again. I want to feel happy and not wound so tight I could snap at any moment. I don't want my kids to think I was the angry unhappy one growing up, I wan to live and enjoy life and I'm sad atm that my mind is making it impossible to do that. But I'm recognising it isn't normal, and that I don't want to be in this, so I'm hoping that's enough of a start to try and fix this. Thank you again to all your replies, it's made me feel so seen and validated ♥️

It certainly sounds like it. I was like that before i got my adhd diagnosis. You need to let go of everything you can that's feeling like it's too much.

I'm not medicated but knowing i have adhd has meant I've made changes to my life with that in mind that prevent me from going over my threshold of what i can cope with. I was medicated for anxiety and depression but my anxiety and depression were being caused by undiagnosed adhd.

Once i recognised and accepted that about myself, worked hard to identify my triggers and what over stimulates me i could make adjustments and accept myself for who i was - anxiety and depression is largely gone. I had a lot of therapy along the way which also helped. I need downtime to be able to cope with life so I've built routines that include me being able to rest and be creative. They all go to pot at this time of year when we are all out of our routines and there's are so many extra pressures on us as parents so it's very easy to get overwhelmed. You don't have to be diagnosed in order to have adhd (the vast majority of adhd women are undiagnosed) so don't feel you have to wait years for your diagnosis to be able to start being kind to yourself.

Thank you for that. I definitely feel like I do have ADHD, have researched it for some time and have struggled in the past in high school etc which I now assume is down to ADHD. I guess it's good to hear that, I think part of me feels well I'm not diagnosed so maybe it's not true, but I think deep down I know it is, and I think any lifestyle change to help me navigating living life with ADHD, can only help, whether I have the diagnosis or not. Thank you for your comment, I think it's important to practice self care and I know I have been neglecting myself for quite some time now, so I think I need to try and put some time in for myself to just regulate my emotions and get over a day full of over stimulation. ♥️