Anxiety over DC flying

[hopelessmary]

My DS are flying out with their dad this week to see their grandparents abroad. I can't go because of work especially as I am two months into a new role. I hate flying and am very anxious although it never stops me from travelling as we have family abroad. I am absolutely petrified of them flying this week without me. I can't stop thinking about it and find myself doing numbers games of 'lucky' things like if I do this it's good luck and I shouldn't do that etc...I know I'll be a nervous wreck until they return. I am even thinking we shouldn't be too jolly for new year before they go as being too happy is not good. Just wondering if anyone had any coping mechanisms?

My family is away without me this week too for similar reasons and I understand your anxiety as I don't love flying either, though I'm much better than I used to be. But the answer to your question is: statistics/numbers. Are you just worried about the flight? If so, then you just need to tell yourself it's completely illogical. They have more chance of something happening in the car/taxi on the way to the airport. Do you worry if they are in a car without you too?

But my main advice would be: ensure you don't indicate to your children that you have this fear. My mum was petrified of flying and she's partially passed that anxiety on to me. I've worked for years to overcome it, and I mainly have, but not entirely. Kids pick up on this stuff.

I'm aware that I'm writing this just after the horrific tragedy in South Korea. Tragedies can and do happen unfortunately. But the reason that story is front page news in a way that car crashes aren't... is because they are so very rare.

@CRJ77 thank you, really appreciate the advice and you're right, I know it's illogical but not sure why I feel this way. I think because it's a form of travel that's totally out of my control. I don't feel the same in a car even though it can cross my mind but not as much. We were in London the other day and I had moments of panic after what happened in Germany. My DH gets really mad at me when I behave this way because unfortunately my kids have picked up on it, as much as I try to minimise it. I just find it really hard to change my mindset.

Yep I get it and I think the answer lies in accepting the lack of control in other areas of your life. I am not someone who finds this easy either! But the thing with flying is that it feels like you have less control because you're in mid-air, but you don't actually have full control of a car speeding down the motorway at 70mph (you have no control if you aren't driving it, and even if you are driving it, you have no control over the behaviour of the other drivers who could cause an accident.)

As you say, I'm sure the shoppers in the German Christmas market felt as though they were fully in control until they weren't any more. Same with the people sat in their offices at 9/11. It's impossible to predict when tragedy might strike and it's unlikely to be the very thing you're fixating on.

I know that applying all of this thinking logically is hard, and I am a fellow control freak so I sympathise.

@CRJ77 thanks that's a very good way of looking at it. I'm feeling so anxious that I'm wondering whether to go with them and ask for either 3 days leave or remote working from abroad. I have done this twice before - panicking about them travelling alone with their dad abroad as I have to work and as a result, once ended up lying to my boss, and another time asking for extended leave last minute. This is nothing to do with me wanting a holiday but wanting to travel with my kids. I don't want to keep doing this as not healthy but also risking work.

Bump? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.

You need help with this anxiety or you're going to ruin you children's life.

They've already picked up on your anxious behaviour.

Anxiety will make your world shrink to nothing,if left to fester away at your brain.

I've got a close family member who can't travel by train,plane,bus, use lifts or even use public toilets.

Her anxiety has ruined her life.

@itsmylife7 thanks for the response. Yes I do need help. They are boarding the plane now and have been crying on and off all day, alone, not in front of anyone. I know this isn't healthy but not sure how to get help or where.

Google can be your friend right now.

Lots of support online for you to read.

Where and when did this anxiety begin ?

It began somewhere and could be recent or many years ago.

Don't allow "It " to overtake you.

YOU can do this 💐

@itsmylife7 thank you I will read up on it and also was thinking about contacting places that do special courses on this. I don't know where it started as I have been flying since I was a baby and very regularly. It's got worse the older I got and especially since I've had kids.

Remember what started this anxiety may have started many years ago...a build up of keeping feelings in...anger....no control over your life......people pleasing.

This is what happened to my family member.

I'm wishing you strength to change your future.

EasyJet fearless flyer course is excellent and it offers many strategies for the anxiety that you’re experiencing.
I’ve also found the drug citalopram changed my whole outlook on this stuff and I am someone who was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder.
Good luck, op.

Hope you’re doing okay OP, and that you’ve spoken to your family since they arrived and you can feel a bit calmer now.

That is very interesting. I never looked at it this way and will look into this further. I am a total people pleaser, hate confrontation and have many times had a feeling of being trapped in certain situations. Thank you for your best wishes.

Thanks I did read that airlines do courses in this so will definitely look this up. :))

Thanks, they took off yesterday so still have the return flight to go through! Am a bit calmer now as their flight going was ok, just need to prepare for the return flight. Sounds ridiculous I know. My DH is so calm and doesn't think or worry about any of this stuff. Strange how we're all so different to these things!

Wow exactly like my cousin people pleaser,always putting others needs before her.

Stuff from many, many years led to her anxiety.

Back then there wasn't any support for panic attacks, or even understood by GP's.

She then felt shame and kept the attacks to herself. Husband didn't believe in "anxiety " so she didn't share anything with him.

Your body is talking to you.....listen to it.