Disrupted sleep ruining my health

[Melanie1986]

Hi all,

My relationship isn’t great with my partner anyway - I’ve posted about this on here before and I’ve struggled with depression off the back of the issues. But lack of sleep is really getting me down, I’m exhausted!

There are no other rooms for me to sleep in either, but my partners snoring is horrendous. All night, every night. He’s been to the doctors about it, there’s an issue with his nose which they were talking about operating on a while back but now they’ve decided against this and we all have to live with it.

My daughter sleeps on another floor and can hear him from downstairs. I’m getting half an hours sleep here and there, but the disrupted sleep every night is exhausting me, I’m almost falling asleep at my desk at work each day and my job is mentally taxing as it is. He also seems to have some sort of restless leg syndrome where he’s tossing and turning all night, legs flailing all over me, kicking me, his hand is above my head half the time tickling my head so when I drift off I’m quickly woken up.

I bought him a gum shield online for the snoring which he said made him drool anywhere so was no good.

Has anyone found any solutions for either snoring or the restless leg (and arm) thing? Seriously thinking about moving out so I can have a full nights sleep again. Hes upstairs having a nice lie in while I’ve been up since 5am again. Thanks in advance x

That sounds horrific for you. Can you not sleep in your daughter’s bedroom? Or downstairs?

Twin beds would help with the restless legs.

We have a 2 seater couch so I’ve tried sleeping on there a few times but because my body is scrunched up I ended up with a bad back! Problem is he gets really upset when I sleep somewhere else, last time he demanded I go back to bed and he went and slept on the garage floor which is hard and cold then I felt awful the next day when he was groaning in pain

Op I’ve been struggling with insomnia, husband keeping me awake. Last night I took two sleepeaze from boots and I’ve had the best nights sleep in ages, give them a try.

Hadn’t thought of trying anything myself, glad these worked for you…will definitely give these a go, thank you x

Sleeping tablets for you aren’t the answer; you can take them for a few days max.

He can be prescribed medication, taken at night for the RLS.

You need to sleep elsewhere whilst the snoring is this bad.

Are there any lifestyle factors that could be affecting his absorbing? Does he drink in the evenings or is he overweight?

You need your sleep @Melanie1986 , not sleeping is making you ill. You have to resolve it. I suggest you get a sofa bed for downstairs, and ignore him if he gets upset. He's just being totally bloody selfish.

Has he had a sleep study done?

Agree. He is getting upset because of his own behaviour. That’s what kids do. Adults would do something useful about it.

He used to drink a bit, especially weekends but has more of less quit…weirdly it hasn’t helped at all him cutting it out. He’s put a bit of weight on but not overweight as such. It’s apparently all to do with his sinuses.

Ear plugs plus feather pillow that you can bend around your head - pillow to block out sound

These work pretty well.

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Reading between the lines op , is there a chance that (snoring aside) he's keeping you awake on purpose?

Hopefully someone else can offer experience and expertise on the restlessness , but in general it sounds like he doesn't care that you're not sleeping. That's pretty awful.

It does feel that way at times I’ll be honest. I’ve asked loads of times if he can please keep to his side of the bed (as awful as that sounds) but I find myself getting really irritable, he ends up plonking his legs really heavily over me despite me asking him not to because it disrupts my sleep even more, I end up pushing his legs back over to his side and off me because he won’t budge otherwise. They usually end up back on my side, Or his toes will scrape my legs.

Sometimes I’m drifting off and his hand will tickle the top of my head and I wake up because of it, he says he has no recollection of it because he’s asleep.

Thanks everyone for all of the suggestions x

@Melanie1986 my husband has trouble sleeping due to a painful condition he has. He has to reposition himself a lot in the night , and whilst this sometimes wakes me , it causes minimal disruption as he keeps to his half and moves carefully. We also sleep separately sometimes when we're particularly exhausted , we don't want to but he'd never get offended at me requesting this as he cares about me.

The point I'm trying to make is that I think you've got big problems here op. And it's not about his snoring. I've not read your previous threads , but I'm guessing your partner isn't respectful to you in general. What are you going to do? You can't live like this.

Honestly, I couldn't live like this. He won't accept that his issue is ruining your health. He should be the one to move!

He sounds like a disrespectful pig, tbh.

In a similar situation with DH snoring, twitching and constantly rubbing his feet in his sleep. My DH t a mouth guard for sleeping that helped. I use ear plugs and nights it's really bad one of us goes to the couch. Unfortunately this is the only solutions we have found.

He doesn’t seem to be very mindful of me being there, I do get a bit upset by it. It’s not even just that but he has to sleep with the fan on and the window open in all weathers which is really cold in the middle of winter. The more I think about it, I think I need to sleep in another room, even if that means me getting a blow up bed or something else!

The earplug idea is a good one which I’ll try, I bought him a mouth guard that he had to shape to his mouth but he told me he couldn’t wear it because it made him drool everywhere. I think the snoring I could figure out, its the whole twitching, moving, getting my legs in a lock with his legs and pushing me to the edge of my side I can’t deal with, we’re talking about a king size bed here and I’m still hanging off the edge of the bed, getting squashed and not sleeping so definitely a big issue.

Earplugs and 2 single duvets might help a lot.

Yes i see what you mean, i think part of the problem is my partner doesn’t seem to care, which is a bigger issue in itself.

I have had many issues with him and his lack of respect for me, perhaps this is another thing to add to the list that up until now I thought was something he couldn’t help, but he could definitely improve the whole situation and not make me feel bad for wanting a good nights sleep.

Get rid of the 2 seater sofa and get yourself a really comfortable sofa bed - then shut the door, close the window and sleep well