Can a therapist report my abusive ex?

[Spookybat5]

Long story short, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship 10 years ago, it has left me with a lot of issues and potentially cptsd.

I had my first therapy session last week, I have put off talking about it for years and have never opened up to anyone about it. I mentioned when asked about what he did that he had spiked me with drugs at one point, and that I’d not had any contact for ten years, but that a girl messaged me asking if he’d ever SA’d me a few years ago because he had done that to her (he never did this to me) and that it really triggered me.

I never reported anything he did to me, and didn’t feel it was my place to report what this girl had said but I encouraged her to report it at the time.

In my second session today the therapist mentioned he’d spoken to his senior who advised it was a safe guarding concern and asked if I thought he could still be a risk. I answered not to me because I’ve completely detached myself, but said honestly id be shocked if he had changed. I said I was extremely hesitant to report it as I don’t think I’m in a place that’s good enough yet to bring up all the past trauma without severely impacting my mental health.

He said he would speak to his senior again to see how they would like to proceed, that they’d always prefer me to report it but that they may report things if they feel necessary.

Well I’m now absolutely spiralling. I regret going to therapy and bringing this up so soon, I don’t know how I’m going to continue my sessions and I feel utterly sick at the thought of being forced to do this.

I understand where they are coming from but I’m genuinely completely triggered and am sat crying and hyperventilating.

They don’t know any details of my ex obviously, but what may happen now? He said he would email me to let me know after speaking to them.

I have a son now, I’m in a much better place in life but I just wanted to do therapy in order to try learn how to cope with some of the trauma caused, I haven’t done anywhere near enough sessions to feel comfortable with this and I feel like I need to pack my bags and move away to get away from this situation and risk him knowing it was me who reported it or had him reported.

Any insight would be much appreciated because I wasn’t expecting this and it’s set me back so badly I’ve not felt like this for years and the thought of having to face him legally after I’ve avoided him for a decade is horrifying.

Please be gentle with me as I’m completely panicked.

So any current risks need to be reported but you don’t need to do it - the therapist will. You can then be contacted and asked to give details but obviously it’s up you what information you give and without details they can’t proceed. It’s an awful situation - obviously it’s traumatising for you but legally they can’t ignore a current risk which is what they are evaluating now. I’m so sorry this is happening - it can really prohibit people from disclosing in therapy but it’s there to safeguard others.

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, it's really hard. I thought I'd share a bit about my recent experiences in case it helps.

I shared information about an abusive relationship I'd come out of last year, and my support worker said they'd need to discuss a safeguarding referral with their manager. This was in Nov 23. They decided quite quickly not to make a referral, as they didn't have my ex-partner's name or details, and I refused to give them, so there was little point in proceeding.

Then in May 2024 I accidently gave them my ex-partner's name, and they said they'd need to revisit the referral. I had a conversation with a safeguarding person (my choice), but again I said I wouldn't support a referral or disclose any information or evidence officially, so they decided there was no point in proceeding once again.

However, having had time to think about it, I decided to proceed with the referral in July 2024. This was to protect other people, but also because I'd reached a point where I felt I needed to tell the truth/speak out for myself. I'd been in therapy for 8 months by this point.

In essence, the process was pretty slow, and you do have some control in the sense that there's little they can do if you choose not to provide the person's name, d.o.b etc or to disclose information officially. I'd be happy to answer any other questions about the process if that would help. Hope you're okay.

@Spookybat5 I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I would be spiralling too. I think your therapist has handled this pretty clumsily if I'm honest, they are thinking of 'safeguarding procedures' over and above the therapeutic relationship and you're own individual trauma. I work in safeguarding, and realistically, there's nothing they can do. Moreover, you should not be made to feel like it's your responsibility to protect other people from this man's abuse by reporting it - your only responsibility is to yourself and your own wellbeing. I encourage you to discuss the impaxt this has had on you with them, as its not very therapeutic or trauma informed. Sending hugs and care op. Remember they can't do anything without your consent, and you don't owe anyone anything.

So before you began counselling your therapist should have warned you that anything you safe that could be considered a safeguarding issue or puts you or others at risk of harm may need to be passed on to a appropriate professional. A good therapist should remind you of this if they feel a topic is wandering in that direction.

It sounds like your therapist has managed this badly and potentially broken your trust/hindered your moving forward.