Not sure where to go from here

[NeedingABitofHelp]

I'm looking for a bit of direction with mental health support.

I had a run of really awful things happen to me in 2020 - as well as the pandemic, a lot of other really stressful, frightening and exhausting things happened at once.

I think had to go through a process with Camhs to get a diagnosis for my son which meant I had to go through explaining all of this to various healthcare professionals, twice.

Since then I've had problems with bulimia, binge drinking (which I've vowed to myself I'm going to stop as it's so self-defeating), and basically going over and over everything that's happened in my head. It makes me very negative and angry, and also I feel anxious and shaky.

I will be able to manage it myself for weeks or months then it'll suddenly get really bad and I'll feel terribly anxious and have episodes with feeling completely panicked and do really smelly sweating, I feel like I smell of being mental.

I got put on Prozac but it made me pile on the weight and left me feeling really detached. I've also tried counselling which helped but I feel I've explained all of this and it's still there.

I've tried the GP but they wouldn't refer me for a diagnosis or therapy - it just seems to be really difficult to get this on the NHS. I found Camhs massively stressful to deal with too.

I think I might have PTSD but obviously can't diagnose myself. There are also other mental illnesses/ND conditions in my family.

Has anyone been through similar and found a practitioner in Scotland or online they'd recommend? I've been looking but there's such a myriad of options that I'm struggling to know where to start - I do want to get better but I feel overwhelmed.

I think I probably need both an antidepressant that's going to work and some CBT or similar.

Be careful of self-diagnosis; it can shape the way you think about yourself which can do more harm than good.

Kain Ramsay runs some excellent psychology courses on Udemy (especially the CBT Practitioner one) which are inexpensive and allow you learn about yourself in your own time; personally I think being involved and empowered in your own recovery is brilliant and far better than being 'talked at'.

Plus you'll understand his accent 😁

https://www.udemy.com/courses/search/?q=kain+ramsay&ratings=4.5&sort=relevance&src=sac

I'd also be careful of self diagnosis however there's support available.

Beat is an eating disorder charity which you can contact for support. AA is an organisation for people with drinking problems and there are other organisations out there.

I would make an appointment with your GP in the first instance and get a check up. Explain about your eating disorder and drinking problem and get some advice.

Your GP will know what support is available in your area. You can also check Hub of Hope. Speak to your GP about medication and beta blockers for the panic.

BACP has therapists and Anxiety UK has affordable therapy if you're on a low income. Find therapists in your area and have a chat about what's going on and go with the therapist you feel a connection to.

Look up strategies for dealing with your intrusive thoughts such as journalling and distraction. The Mind website has a lot of information and Rethink have a good helpline.

I tried the GP already and they're keen to give me drugs (I have beta blockers) but not any other form of therapy or assessment. Unfortunately it seems to be really, really difficult to access appropriate support through the NHS here.

A lot of the original trauma was caused by horrible situations with relatives with mental health issues who found it difficult or impossible to get appropriate support, and at various times I've been leaned on to provide more emotional support than I've got in the tank myself.

I can pay for treatment but it's more the type of therapy that's going to be the most effective that I'm finding confusing. Am I better going to a bigger practice and getting assessed?

I will look at the websites. I do do quite a lot in terms of trying to manage it already - cutting back contact with a difficult relative, working out, writing, not drinking for long phases - it's just every so often it flares up really badly.