Am I having a nervous breakdown?

[howtocope]

My symptoms:

I feel like I'm having a constant low level panic attack. Tight, hot chest. Like I'm not getting enough oxygen. Too much adrenaline.

Crying every day. Can't listen to music as it sets me off. Struggle to watch anything on TV as it sets me off.

Forgetful, scattered. I'm ticking boxes and functioning but everything is a struggle.

Constant feeling of fear that I can't calm. I'm afraid I'm going to crack and not be able to come back to myself.

What's been happening:

Two years ago my ExH and I separated after 30 years. Sold the family home. Downsized to a flat that's become a much happier home for me and my daughter.

Still trying to negotiate the divorce. It now looks like we'll have to go to court. My flat is in both our names and I'm worried I'll have to downsize further and lose the sense of stability I've built here. ExH has become very angry and sent me a series of nasty letters through his solicitor demeaning and belittling every aspect of my character and abilities. I had to stop reading them as they were so hurtful and upsetting.

I was a SAHM for over 20 years. I've been applying for jobs like crazy since the separation but haven't been able to find work. I'm a bit limited as I have a disc issue in my back, so nothing that requires any lifting or constantly being on my feet. I've applied for all kinds of jobs, even volunteer roles just to get something on my CV, but getting nothing. The constant rejections are also taking a toll. I'm now on a government funded programme getting mums back to work and hope that something sticks in the new year. In the meantime, I'm renting out my son's bedroom to foreign students in term time.

I do work in a creative industry, but it doesn't make enough to support me yet. All of this upheaval has affected my ability to produce, which is another worry.

Just before Christmas, the man I had been seeing for six months ended things. I've been devastated. This seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Then I got really ill with a chest infection. Limped through Christmas taking antibiotics and cold meds.

I feel like I don't have an anchor, nothing to hold onto. I do have wonderful friends who have made a huge difference, but it's not the same as having a special person or parent or someone to care for you.

I'm trying very hard to keep it together but I'm struggling and suffering. I see a counselor and take sertraline. I just don't know how to keep going at the moment.

I'm struggling to eat, struggling to sleep. Just feeling awful all around.

everything seems to be stacked up against you and it looks bad in your eyes but you need to take a breath.

Id assume you’re getting some state support plus it’s a good thing you’re on a waiting list to get a possible job for mums getting back to work. They will help you. It’s good you have someone renting out your son’s room.

The person you’ve been seeing for six months, maybe this just wasn’t meant to be after such a long marriage and you thought it would give you more stability. You possibly feel you can’t do this on your own but instead of eg seeing the jobs you didn’t get look at how productive you’ve been trying and applying in the first place. You are more able than you think X

Myself and dh have had problems this year and like you I have wonderful friends, they are better than having a partner who doesn’t have your back, no they can’t be around all the time like a person by your side but this is where you have to get to the place where you have yourself. Try tiny steps, a long pampery shower, listening to music you enjoy, watching films you enjoy, go somewhere you love eg the park or to the beach or a forest.

For your creativity get back to reading books/ magazines to try to get you back to creativity, talk to people eg online groups about your creativity (I am an author and didn’t release anything this year purely because I couldn’t pull myself out of despair but I am trying). Hopefully someday soon you will earn enough for it to be your full income and support you xxxx

On your health try to breathe, sleep, eat well, drink some water, see a doctor. This could be a mental breakdown or it might not but either way you have to get the creative, more positive more powerful you back.

best of luck op, I hope things get easier x

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Are you menopausal? Have you seen your GP? It might also be a deficiency like a thyroid problem.

Yes OP I think you are. I went through very similar symptoms. And my Drs at the time told me to stop calling it a nervous breakdown because it’s a very unkind term/loaded old fashioned name fir simply when you’ve completely burnt out and have triggered an adrenaline disorder.

It’s very treatable but you need to take it seriously. My treatment was a lot of rest, sertraline, propranolol, CBT course, 6 weeks of sleeping tablets till I could dose off alone. And as much healthy brain activities as I could cope with (fresh air, nature, gentle TV programs, spending quiet time with my kids and animals).

Thanks @stayathomer and @JC03745.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope. I think I need to sort out my health first and get over this flu or infection or whatever it is.

That's good advice, to focus on the positives. Focus on the efforts I've made. Just feeling so helpless in my inability to progress. I've been thinking about retraining for a career. I'm afraid I'll fall into the trap of just making ends meet and then struggle for any kind of quality of life going forwards. It's all on my shoulders. My kids (19 and 22) are older, which I'm sure is easier. But ExH has moved away and essentially dropped out of parenting/family. Christmas was all on me and I found it very hard.

I'm post menopause and on HRT. Had a hysterectomy about three months ago, which went smoothly though it was a little bumpy getting the HRT right. That all seems to be working fine now.

@Dobbythechristmaself An adrenaline disorder sounds exactly it. It feels like I'm constantly revving but going nowhere.

I'm on sertraline and recently increased the dose from half a tablet to a whole tablet (50mg). What did the propranolol do? Did you have any side effects?

From the symptoms you describe it sounds like a mild / moderate depressive episode, propranolol is effective for a lot of people in reducing the symptoms of anxiety, sertraline really needs to be at 50 mg as a minimum

Op well done for doing the whole Christmas thing yourself, it’s a lot, and the hardest time to have to do things yourself. That’s a lot on the health front, definitely concentrate on getting the health and well-being more stable x hugs

I had very similar symptoms to you and was diagnosed General Anxiety Disorder and prescribed Sertraline. It sounds like you've been through a lot. Take one day at a time.

I was so bad I didn’t notice a single side effect from anything but the propranolol is to treat the symptoms and the sertraline is to treat the underlying cause. Sertraline builds up in your system to settle the base issue. Propranolol was like paracetamol for a headache in that it works till it wears off. It was to help with the immediate racing heart, diarrhoea, inability to eat etc. I didn’t take it alongside the sertraline for more than a few weeks as the symptoms died down enough to stop needing it. The sertraline took over to solve the underlying anxiety disorder.

I had something to take right now to calm me down. The chest infection makes me feel like I can't breathe. Just spoke to 111 about something to help this. In the queue for a call back now. Taking antibiotics, but wondering if some kind of inhaler would help. It's making the panicky feeling so much worse.

That should say I WISH I had something to calm me down.

Similar happened to me - though I acknowledge not as severe.

What helped for me was recognising I was having a bit of a mental health crises - I was in a temporary but constant flight of fight mode.

This meant telling people close to me I was having a burn out and me acknowledging it and doing things to help treat myself - not just getting on with things. Much like you would do if healing from a broken bone.

This meant actively focusing on getting better - i was vocal in my wellbeing and protecting my emotions. So going for calming walks in nature. Later starts with lots of rest- basically self care x 1000%. I was back to myself within a few weeks. If I hadn't done this I think I might have spiralled.

Thanks, @Bluelagoondrmr. That's good advice. I think I've just been getting on with things for years, or at least trying to. I didn't even pause after my hysterectomy, just kept ploughing on.

A friend is going to come and stay with me this weekend. I feel a bit calmer just knowing she's on her way. 111 rang me back, but only offered advice and a GP appointment on Monday, so I need to get through the weekend.

I can relate to a lot of the tips on here - they would really work i think. Minimising mental load being key.

www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/burnout-recovery#control