Did I miss how depressed I am?

[Highfunctioningdepression]

I lost my dad about 6 months ago. My day to day life is split between my high power (but pointless) job and being a parent to my toddler boy. I love being busy with these two things as they make me feel like I have a role in life. Didn't have much time to think about anything else between dad's funeral and now.
Now we are with DH's family for Christmas and I feel completely numb and joyless. I feel as though the only person who truly would do anything for me was my dad and he is gone. I'm feeling like a complete stranger and an isolated outsider in all my relationships. Everyone seems happy to see me but I don't understand why - surely I'm worthless? I'm sitting here pretending to be having fun watching Home Alone with the kids. How do I navigate this? I'm suddenly facing I have been depressed all along, functioning all the same. Please give me some words of reassurance- how do I not feel numb and dead inside?

6 months is such a short time losing someone. It sounds as if you might have used your job and son as a way of not allowing yourself to grieve. Being around your in laws has probably brought this into focus. Over time the ache recedes but is still there, u just learn to accept it a bit more. I once read that grief is like a wave it comes crashing into you when you least expect it then can recede for a while. Perhaps you should consider speaking to a professional? This better for you and your relationship than with friends and family. Safe space where yiu can speak freely. My partner died in tragic circumstances 3 years ago, I'm just comin out of the fog. I had some counselling. Take care. OP

You have just managed to delay your grief by using your job and little one but now you have time it has hit you, which is perfectly natural. I think deep down you know you are not worthless and everyone around you loves you to bits. It’s okay not to be okay. When you get home, google some bereavement counselling near you and make it happen. By that I mean make it a priority even if you have to leave work early one day a week or get extra childcare. You will get through this. My dad died when I was 7 and it’s tough for the first year but then the pain abates a little. Take care of yourself xxx