Tips for pulling myself back together?

[boovilleboo]

If I don’t pull myself together a bit I’m going to ruin Christmas so am looking for some tips to stick myself back together a bit. Ideally I’d like to enjoy this period but getting through it without stress and conflict might be more realistic.

Anxiety/depression/binge-eating disorder. I recently started sertraline and that has taken the edge off my anxiety but as we get closer to Christmas I am increasingly feeling down and worthless. Really sensitive to noise. Struggling to cope with the constant demands of the children, being climbed on and touched. Really don’t want to see my in-laws! I am at peak high weight so feel ugly all the time. Also poorly with a cough so feeling crappy physically.

I believe in that CBT thing that doing can make you feel better, fake it til you make it kind of thing. But I just can’t think where to even start. Any tips?

I'm not surprised you're feeling down. I struggle with Christmas too and I'm in bed with a horrible virus so that's not helping.

A cough can make you feel rotten. Have you been checked to see if it's a chest infection and are you on antibiotics?

Shower, hair wash, makeup and perfume. Even if you're just sitting in the house.

Small acts of self care can remind you that you are a human being, not just a ghost in your own existence.

I have a plethora of mental illnesses and when I need a push, this is what I do x

Go for a daily walk in nature. It's one of the most beneficial things you can do to manage anxiety and moods.
Take vitamin d
Stay off scrolling on your phone as much as you can.

You sound overstimulated. Get up showered and dressed everyday. Got out on your own for a walk in nature. Don’t doom scroll. Get plenty of rest. If you don’t want to see the In laws don’t, let your DH go with the kids and stay home for some rest. Cut out any ultra processed food and alcohol. Try reading to relax. 4/7/8 breathing when you feel overwhelmed.

Agree with a phone detox
Write a gratitude / positive things list every day and be really kind to yourself when you're trying your best eg "I was a good mum and played with the kids for half an hour even though I wanted to scream the whole time"
Yes to a walk every day - ideally early in the morning to get everything flowing for the day
If you've kept anything 'for best' start using / wearing it now!
Good wholesome food so you can feel like you have nourished your body - I have a similarly shitty relationship with food. If I try to restrict it always leads to a binge of absolute crap - so I like to plan a really 'nutritious' day eg eggs and avocado for breakfast, soup and wholemeal bread, lots of fruit and veggie sticks (with dip if that helps!) for snacks, homemade shepherds pie with loads of veg for dinner.

I agree with this.

Also, make sure you're getting out of the house, even just for a little walk. If you feel overwhelmed on Christmas day, don't be afraid to say you're going out to get some fresh air and go for a walk/ some time to yourself.

Thank you these are all really helpful. I’m going to get showered and dressed (incl perfume and jewellery) in a bit and take the children to the park, put my phone away, look at some leaves and take in the nature smells.

DH wants to watch Home Alone with the children later so I might take myself off and do some present wrapping in a different room, with the door shut and a candle on.

We actually have cottage pie planned for dinner @FusionChefGeoff ! DH will make a fresh minestrone soup for lunch if I ask, lots of vegetables and broth always make me feel better. I so resonate with the wholesome nourishing food thing. When I started the sertraline I was worried about coping with side effects so I treated myself with incredible care in terms of food/sleep/low caffeine etc. Turns out I’m lucky and my side effects were really minimal and short-lived but I felt so well for that week, it was astonishing.

I have a doom feeling about this cough @TinyMouseTheatre, I think it might be an infection as I’ve had no virus symptoms, but my GP are only seeing urgent cases now until January so I’ll probably need to get a lot worse before they see me. Fingers crossed I don’t.

Thank you so much for replying. I really, really appreciate it 💛 will update later.

And I’m sorry you’re not well either, I hope you feel better soon!

Thank you. How have you got in today?

It’s been ok. I got up and showered, did my hair and makeup etc. That made me feel a lot better. Tried to stay really calm when minor things didn’t go to plan. Went to the park for some fresh air and a walk. Did some crafts with the children. I’ve had a lie down because I’m feeling increasingly poorly and now the children are driving me nuts (always like this post-dinner/pre-bed). Ate pretty well until this afternoon and then had a few too many biscuits and overate - albeit healthy food - at teatime. I’m going to write down the things that went well today, because I do tend to focus on the negative.

The next few days should be better as there will be less unstructured time. DH is being great. I have an intro session with NHS IAPTS on Monday, so that’s preying on my mind too. They don’t really offer support for binge eating - not officially anyway, although when I was under them postpartum they did work on that with me under the radar. So I don’t know what to say I want to focus on. How do you decide what’s the most debilitating?

Good that your DH is being good. Re what to focus on, I guess it's the Venn diagram of your problems plus things they can help you with? Because even if they don't specifically deal with binge eating, sorting something else out might have an indirect effect on that too?
Headspace have an offer on too- has really helped me through burnout/overwhelm.

Yes that’s true. If I was able to reduce my anxiety and improve my self-esteem, develop better coping mechanisms (that don’t involve food) all of that would help. I used to think the binge eating caused all the other MH issues, but wondering if it might actually be the other way around.

What do you use on Headspace that is helpful, is it the meditation? Their annual subscription is quite affordable. I’m currently paying £15 a month for a diet plan that I can’t stick to.

Yes the meditation. I only ever really manage 10 mins a day but it seeps through into the rest of my day too - helping to almost step back from thoughts. Ie when my knee jerk reaction to a difficult moment was to go to the biscuit tin/scroll on my phone, with some mindfulness I have more power over whether to put the biscuit/phone down.
Have you tried meditation before? Obviously not selling it as a cure-all but definitely helpful along with other PPs suggestions.

I have tried it before, not for a while or with consistency so I’m definitely open to giving it another go. It would be very positive if it helped with urge management throughout the day, as it has for you. That sounds great. I’m trying to implement one new habit at a time, I’ve added a glass of warm water first thing in the morning and that’s pretty solid, so now I’m trying to take my multivitamin before bed (I have some deficiencies that came back when I had blood tests). Once that’s embedded meditation might be a good next one. When do you find time to do it?

Self care is definitely important - I buy flowers to cheer myself yo (usually reduced and they last ages )
Candles too relax me (keep high up away from young kids )
I also find walking outside beneficial - sometimes listening to an audiobook / podcast .
I enjoy reading too .
Food wise , have you tried upping your protein to keep hunger at bay

I'd also done some previously but not since having kids so 5+ years, but got right back into it. I see what you mean about one habit at a time, I also did that - had been advised to have a week off work for my mental health and intended to set some time for meditation from the beginning, but only got to it on about day 5. In terms of fitting it in now im back working, just whenever I can get 10 minutes on my own - when DH is downstairs with the kids in the morning or evening, or throughout the work day as I WFH. I also really recommend weight training as stress relief, it got me into shape and took the pressure off dieting.

My experience and what I read of other peoples. Mounjaro works really well for binge eating disorder and there is anecdotal evidence it is good for SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder or winter depression). Great for PCOS and inflammation. You are eligible if BMI>30 or BMI>27.5 for some ethnicities or BMI>27 and co-morbidity like back pain, or sleep apnoea, or high blood pressure.

I could find 10 minutes. Probably not over the next couple of weeks but I’ll aim to give it a trial week in Jan when things are back to normal. I have an afternoon yoga retreat in early Jan which includes meditation so that might be a good day to start.

Do you strength training at home @Pencilsieve ? I haven’t been in a gym for about a decade but improving my fitness is a goal for the next couple of years. I’d like to work with a personal trainer, it’s not in my budget rn but might be in a year.

It’s a good point re protein @Jenkibubble, I do feel better when I focus on protein and fibre, specifically veg. I’ve got into the habit of having a higher protein breakfast and it would be really hard to go back to something carby. I get stuck on lunch though.

I can see how mounjaro et al would be helpful for binge eating, but it costs a fortune which I can’t afford and I’m not into the idea of taking additional, non-essential medication either. Not for me.

Hi OP, sorry to hear that you're struggling. Have you heard of SMART recovery? I find it useful for my eating disorder. They have meetings online and you can also get their workbook pretty cheaply on their website or amazon. It's essentially CBT but geared towards addictive behaviour. Everything else you said I can relate to as well. Hope you start to feel better soon.

As regards your cough, I've had a couple of chest infections over the last year and when I've rung the doctors they've always managed to get me in on the same day. So maybe it's more "urgent" than we think? Worth a try.

Reading your posts OP, with your willingness to try various ideas and your determination to "get there", you're actually quite inspirational.

Wishing you a wonderful Christmas 🎄

The yoga retreat sounds like a brilliant start. Yeah I train at home, was totally new to it having impulsively bought a subscription to Fiit (app) one night whilst scrolling. I used DH's old barbells, followed a fat-burning training plan (the app is all recordings of strength, cardio or 'rebalance' classes) and focused on gaining strength, looking at my biceps in the mirror instead of my stomach. I did 3x 25 minute sessions a week, sometimes with 1x 40 min session. I didn't weigh myself or restrict calories, but must have been eating less because of being busy those evenings. A few months later I caught sight of my reflection and both me and DH realised my stomach and waist were way smaller. Then I was hooked :) this is after years of attempting to diet, leading to bingeing, and unsuccessfully trying to take up running, which just led to knee injuries because I didn't have the muscle to protect my knees. Really recommend the app and have renewed my subscription every year since (will be 4 years in March). If you're interested I have a discount code, though hate to say that at risk of sounding disingenuous!

Realise that's all very image/weight focused - should add that the regular exercise hugely benefits my mood as well and was my crutch before I got back into meditation.

I’d say to your family you are unwell and don’t want to spread it around. It sounds like you’re very frazzled, try to cut out white noise where you can, even try earbuds or something for your phone and play ‘soothing rain’ or a sound you like, it can really help distract from the annoying noises. If you can keep DC occupied then do it, film, game, whatever it takes. Give yourself little slots of time to be silent, lie down, eat an orange slice a lemon and pour boiling water into a bowl with it, alerting sensory input can help you feel better. Get therapy for your self esteem next year. You can steer yourself through this and find calm.

I don’t eat meat or fish so eat a lot of beans / pulses in soups and stews (protein and carbs in one )
They're cheap too !
I use tins because they don’t need soaking !
Nuts are a good alternative to crisps too !
I have also started adding in the odd protein shake / bar to boost my intake too (usually if I’m in a rush )

my general rule is when i don't want to do something, i don't, but if i really really really don't want to do it, i do - cause when im stuck in that slump doing nothing only makes things worse. easier said than done of course but sometimes even remembering that alone can help me get up and shower.

take care x