Did I have a metal breakdown?

[oytugyhyguu]

Need some advise. Please be gentle, I haven’t been able to stop crying since yesterday.

My (41F) husband (48M) and I have been together for 14 years. I would say we have a good marriage. This is the first time something like this has happened. We started arguing late last night, something about him possibly not coming to the kids Xmas show due to a work commitment. Things got heated from my end and I just lost it, and I mean I felt like I was possessed. I was screaming at the top of my voice telling him to leave me alone (he wouldn’t leave the room because he said he thought I would hurt myself. Just to clarity, I have never self harmed or hit anyone). I was screaming at him to get away from me and pushing him away from me as he was trying to calm me down but the more he wouldn’t leave me alone the angrier and crazier I became. My husband said I had a rage and anger in my eyes that he has never seen. I’m ashamed to say this but I said to him if he didn’t leave me I was going to stab myself. It felt like an out of body experience. He eventually left the room and I cried for hours, I don’t know why and then eventually fell asleep.

This morning my son (8M) asked me if we were arguing last night and why I was screaming at daddy. He heard everything. I am devastated he heard my go through this. He has never seen us argue, just the occasional disagreement but nothing more than that. And I’m ashamed at the way I lost it at my husband and what I put him through. I can’t believe I’ve exposed my child to this and treated someone I love like this. My husband has been fine today, keeps asking what he can do to help me but I’m just so ashamed and sad at the way I behaved. I can’t stop crying. I don’t even know why I’m writing here. Did I have a mental breakdown? Should I see a therapist to figure out what’s going on?

Has some resentment or anger been bubbling away below the surface? It sounds like the type of explosive anger that happens when the straw breaks the camels back.

Sorry op it sounds awful for all involved.

I hope you feel better soon

A mental breakdown for me is something that happens over a longer time period rather than a one off. I'd call a what you term a mental breakdown a nervous breakdown.

It sounds more like a mental health event or episode. I would seek professional advice.

In the same way children can have explosive tantrums when they can't cope with their feelings, adults can do the same - it's rarer but it does happen. We often describe it as a 'red mist' or 'white hot heat' descending and all reason going out the window. Sometimes it can happen when a perfect storm of seemingly unrelated issues collide - being tired/overwhelmed/hungry/angry about something else. Does that apply here?

If your relationship is good and you can calmly talk about what happened, what the triggers were (from a place of curiosity/understanding rather than fault finding or to rehash the argument) then please try and put it behind you; you're human.

for a long time I felt he would prioritising his work over me and the kids. However he made changes (after lots of anrguments) and he’s stuck to his word. He has a demanding job but he’s always home to eat dinner with us every night now. In the past he would work when we went on holiday however he’s stopping doing that too. And at the weekend he has a day he spends with us which never would have happened in the past. These changes he made a couple of years back too so it’s not like we are still facing these issues.

No, but that pent up resentment needed to find an outlet, and it did.

Talk, and keep on talking. If you hit a barrier maybe consider couples counselling.

It definitely sounds a bit extreme but I think we can all have times like that to a point… however saying you are going to stab yourself is a bit disturbing.

Have you spoken with your GP? Do you think perhaps it could be perimenopause or stress?

No I don’t think you had a mental breakdown; likely just blew up when you felt backed into a corner. We are all human.

Just saw this something about him possibly not coming to the kids Xmas show due to a work commitment

There's your ignition point.