Hey I’m so sorry I totally missed that you’d replied. How are you feeling today?
2 is a tricky age, so full of wonder and curiosity but also the meltdowns and resistance are a lot.
you say you got kicked out as a teen, that’s rough. Being forced to grow up too young and not having the role models to keep you away from binge drinking etc, that’s a lot. Did you ever work through that with a therapist? I’ve found motherhood has forced me into therapy cos stuff I thought was not ‘that bad’ (domestic violence, parental abandonment, child abuse etc) is actually deeply traumatising at an unconscious level we cat always process and that stuff really gets triggered as a parent. I think caretaking can be so overwhelming at the best of times but for those who were robbed of a childhood or teenage I think it feels suffocating sometimes and we don’t know where to turn for advice because the role models we had hurt/failed us.
Also the monotony of motherhood with a toddler, whilst they are fun and cute and we’d die for them in a heartbeat, the monotony can drive a person to misery. We don’t talk about that enough.
you say you’d like to work with animals, that’s beautiful. Have you looked into that further at all? I truly believe the key to joy as a mother is to have our own passion alongside so we’re not ‘just’ a mum with a job, we are a woman building something for ourselves too. I’m sure many will disagree, but maybe they don’t know the caged rat feeling.
I had a completely ‘irrational’ dream for my life after kids, a ‘pipe dream’ that people would roll their eyes at and talk me down from, because I was an exhausted mum in my 30s with no experience in that industry (which loves young people and ignores any woman over 25). But with grit and determination I’m now making a small income from my ‘impossible’ dream career alongside my part time job. It’s not a career yet, but maybe one day it will be. And it feels like I’ve conquered Everest. My DC is now 6 and I started when they were 1, so it’s not overnight. But those five years would’ve passed anyway, and now I’m on a path I get so much joy and fulfilment from. I don’t feel stuck anymore I feel liberated, even in the days I feel trapped I have this whole other world that is mine. So I guess what I’m saying is, if there’s a qualification you could work towards to work with animals, or perhaps a voluntary role you can do for a few hours to get into the industry, anything that lights you up and starts moving you towards a career you’ll love, then definitely try to do it. It will feel like moving mountains at first, but you deserve to have mountains moved for you, even if you have to move them yourself.
And with reading and going for walks, they’re such healthy hobbies I salute you! Would you maybe join a book club or a walking group to maybe find some like minded people or do you actually prefer your own company? (I do, I love walking alone!).
I don’t know if this really helps, I am obviously relating my life to the little snapshot I know of yours, but I think the dullness, the feeling stuck and trapped, is often down to unhealed trauma and a lack of our own projects outside of domestic life. That may no feel right to you, in which case I apologise, but if your stomach flips a little at the thought of pursuing a with animals, then that should be listened to :-)