Positive stories about suicidal dc who managed to get through it to adulthood please

[Haggisfish3]

Hello
DD is 14 and is suicidal. She hasn't made a serious attempt on her life but has cut herself and made plans. We have been to a and e and had brilliant mental health liason teams who referrred us to cahms. This has happened three times Cahms crisis team say they are not the appropriate people to help as she needs to build a regular relationship with one person, whcih I understand. they have referred her for online DBT to help her understand and cope with her extremes of emotion. But nothing other than that. no named keyworker, no counsellor, no psychiatrist to actually assess if she has OCD/personality disorder/ASD. Every time they say she isn't eligible for crisis team she interprets that as she's not 'bad enough' and will ramp it up. I am so frustrated and feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall.
Cahms are sympathetic. My daughter is very frustrating - she's not entirely sure she wants to get better and feels she needs to be very ill to be worthy of treatment.
She has very good insight into her behaviour and she knows she can be manipulative at times (no more so than your average teen) but she thinks this makes her an awful person and she doesn't like herself.
Can I have some positive stories of young people getting better, or can anyone suggest any help I could seek out for her? We already paid a CAHMS psychiatrist to assess her privately, but they said she was too complex and couldn't say how long it would take and thus how much more we would have to pay.
It's so incredibly frustrating.
Any responses appreciated. I'll add this to the mental health board as well.

Yep I was there at 16 and am still here aged 41.
i find it most odd that the psychiatrist said he/she couldn’t say how much longer to give a diagnosis. Usually they can form what they call their ‘impression’ quite quickly.
If she was my child I would take her to another child and adolescent Psychiatrist for assessment. Xx

OP, you poor thing. This sounds quite typical of our public services atm.

First thing - reassure yourself and your daughter that this is about resources and resources alone. It is nothing to do with her on a personal level. They have hardly any resources or people available so the service is just not there for many people. They send people away all the time and it is not because that person is not suffering enough.

Do you have any savings or access to funds for private support. That CAMHS person was not the right person to help or advise. They sound pretty incompetent.

You suspect your child is ND? If you have the tiniest sense of this, you will be correct. Mums always always know, even subconsciously. I think you believe she is. Just getting an answer to this can be very profound for a confused, distressed teen.

Can you afford a full assessment for Autism and ADHD? You can search online and look for accredited professionals who follow the NICE approved guidelines. There's something called Right to Choose I think. I hope other posters can chip in here with advice how to access that. It's where you appeal to the NHS to assess. You need to be assertive though. You insist you believe she's ND. Many young women are given all sorts of incorrect diagnoses when they're actually Autistic/ADHD.

Online CBT sounds like a pile of shit but you may not have any other options I appreciate.

Would she be willing to consider any medication such as SSRI? These are antidepressants and the GP prescribes. I am not entirely clear if this is something they'll do with under 18s. Young Minds can give advice. I called them alot when my ND son was saying concerning things. If these were prescribed, you'd ask for the lowest dose possible and I personally would use a pill cutter from Amazon and start with half the dose to reduce any side effects. I'd ask Young Minds for advice on all this. I don't know the data on under 18s and SSRIs.

Is there any way to fund private counselling with an ND aware female therapist?

I'm so sorry that everything involves paying. I don't believe our public services are fit for purpose tbh.
Every ounce of invaluable support costs money.

Young Minds were just amazing when I called. I will go look for a link for you.

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/

Thank you for your reply. We can afford another assessment which I think is our next go to. Same with counselling. The trouble in our area is if there is any hint of ND, CAHMS washes their hands of them.

Yes my son tried multiple times to end his life when he was aged 15. He was in and out of hospitals, almost sectioned and offered a residential place,
He is 22 now. He holds down a full time job and lives independently.
We were so close to losing him. One time he took almost 100 tablets of varying types. Absolutely horrendous.
So sorry you are experiencing this with your child. It is so tough.
Happy to chat on here or via pm x

OP, I was a chronically suicidal young person who self-harmed on and off for years. I have OCD and likely undiagnosed AuDHD.

I'm now married with a 6mo baby, and I became a mental health nurse due to my own experiences. I'm also involved in activism.

Honestly a combination of age (I do think hormones impact us more than we think) and private psychodynamic psychotherapy saved me. I also joined, and later volunteered at, my local self-harm group. It was great to meet other people with similar issues. I'd strongly encourage your daughter to join anything which will foster some community.

They aren't offering you anything anyway really are they? Even without the ND suggestion. They aren't going to help you here so take action outside of them.

Your teen will be really confused and just having that awareness could be huge. It doesn't solve all this but it does change things alot.
Let's say she's also ADHD which is often in combination with Autism - if diagnosed as having this there are options to try ADHD meds. I've researched this a great deal for my own teen with very positive responses about the impact. Without knowing what you're dealing with you can't move forward. CAMHS are not your go to here. And that is really shit because they should be! I personally feel they're utterly useless for many in this position.

That girl needs know who she is first and foremost. She might not like it but you cannot run away from yourself. She does not want to be dumped with a diagnosis of BPD - ( borderline personality)which often happens to undiagnosed ND women. It's a pointless diagnosis in my view.

I have never gone near CAMHS because they sound utterly useless and incompetent. I'd use every penny I had to find support elsewhere -: which we had to do.

So, you want to look at accessing an assessment with an approved assessor in your area. You need look at possible therapist's with ND experience for her, and consider whether anti depressants are appropriate to try. ( Young minds should help advise).

You don't need CAMHS for any of this. You just think you do because this is scary.

Have you had a conversation with her regarding the possibility she may be ND? That you are going to help her find a way forward and this is what you suggest. How does she feel about a therapist, a lady she can speak to all on her own without you there? Ask her. Would she come to the GP with you to discuss? Ask her.

You can do this. I hear stories from my young teen about kids feeling this way and self harming alot. Many of them he suspects are ND. (;he can often spot others like him).

I was. I'm still here.

I'm my case, teenage hormonal imbalance massively exacerbated by taking acne medication (Dianette, a contraceptive pill prescribed for acne).
I was kept on it for 10 years. Mood swings were immense. Suicidal bouts sever to mild but almost constant.
Finally off it and on antidepressants for PMDD. I am also being diagnosed for adhd.

Is there a pattern to her mood? Is she on medication?

Thank you all for your responses - I really appreciate them. She is coming round to the fact she may be ND and realising this affects not only the way she views the world, but also affects how she might respond to some types of therapies (such as CBT). The frustrating thing is we tried a private assessment and they refused to give a diagnosis and said they needed more time but were unable to give an estimate as to how much time. We will try some of the other private assessors I found while researching.

She does have really good insight into her thoughts. Eg she knows she forms very intense attachments to people but also knows this can be slightly unhealthy and then dislikes herself. I think as she and we get to know herself more, this will ease. This time has helped me understand her a lot more and I feel we are more able to talk about things without her getting hysterical or just screaming at me, which is good.

14-19 my sole goal in life was to cause myself harm. I had at various times over those years depression, anxiety, self harm, anorexia, bulimia, panic attacks, problems with alcohol and was suicidal for a lot of the time.

The final year of my a levels was the worst. I couldn't stay in lessons for more than 20 minutes so would leave and go to the library. I would drink at school engage in self harm and my eating disorders. I fainted multiple times a day because my panic attacks. I just about got the grades to go to my first choice uni. The first term was a bit of a car crash. I relapsed into my eating disorder, struggled with labs and feared being kicked out. I found something inside to start making a plan to live a life and not continuously planning to end it. I met my now husband, I made it through my degree and got a first. My mental health continued to be a problem but the desire to cause myself harm continuously stopped. I went on to do a PhD and was diagnosed with bipolar. Finally I had an answer for why are you depressed! There was never a catalyst or a reason when I was younger. I would just wake up in a low mood and would be depressed and suicidal for months with no cause. It being/feeling beyond my control was tough on me as a teenager.
I finished my PhD and started working in a high level job. I've been in the role 8 years and had 2 episodes in that time. A mild hypomanic episode when I moved house and then a severe depressive episode after having my daughter which resulted in an admission to a mother and baby unit. I would say this is the one time in my adult life that I have felt the same as I did when I was a teenager. I think there's something particularly toxic for me when there's mental illness and hormones. I can't have the combined pill as I got suicidal and couldn't get out of bed every time I had a week off. It took 4 years to figure that out as it was only obvious when I had a prolonged period of stability

Mental illness is something that is part of me every day but it's manageable now and as a teenager it was far from this.

I can tell you my story, if it helps? From what you've said, your daughter sounds very much like me.

I'm almost 50. Between the ages of about 14 and 28, I was suicidal. My mental health destroyed my career and numerous relationships, and even most of my loving family had begun to give up hope for me. What brought me through? Firstly, the strong Christian faith I'd had since before I became ill. Secondly, some of the therapy I received (though this being the 90s, not much was available, and most of the "help" was worse than useless - things have improved, I think). Thirdly, those of my family and friends who consistently believed in me throughout, who held hope that I couldn't. And finally, becoming a mother myself. It gave me purpose and meaning in life - and after so many years of believing that marriage and parenthood were beyond my grasp, I still have to pinch myself to believe my children are mine.

There is always hope. There is always hope. Wishing you and your family all the very, very best.

Thank you everyone, especially those who shared their own experiences. Im cautiously hoping we have turned a corner. Her school are absolutely brilliant and have worked really hard to come up with a plan that will work for dd. cahms are also being somewhat helpful. She seems really touched by all the people who care for her.

You sound like a fantastic mum.

I was 14 and self harming. Made many serious attempts. My parents were too busy dealing with their dysfunctional relationship to notice, but I took myself off to the GP and that was the start of my journey into MH care.

I'm 53 and still here! Still under the CMHT and have been properly diagnosed with everything from ADHD to CPTSD.

Keep doing what you're doing, OP. Your DD is lucky to have your support.

I would look into ADHD, autism and OCD in case you haven't yet, as they are the most common. An anti-depressant might help with mood, anxiety and intrusive thoughts. She would be started on Sertraline or Fluoxetine most likely, so you could look those up and have a think.

For private assessments, you could look up reputable organisations such as the Anna Freud, Maudsley etc. and then contact someone working there via Linkedin. A lot the people working in these organisations are part-time and run their own private clinics at the side. You might be able to get an ADHD assessment online.

Has your daughter experienced any trauma? If yes, EMDR is probably the most helpful type of therapy.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis/how-to-request-an-autism-assessment

I am another one still here after numerous, serious suicide attempts in my teens and twenties, along with self harm, eating disorders, addictions, the whole shebang. I have had various diagnosis’s over the years - depression, borderline personality disorder, schizo affective disorder, bipolar, C -PTSD. More recently I was diagnosed with autism and I think ADHD is a feature too. Both of my children are ND.

i have continued to have intermittent, but serious bouts of mental ill health. A proper dip can take me a year or more to recover from. But generally, day to day, I am fine. I have a professional career within the health/social care sector, and a lovely family. In some ways, I am lucky as it has given me a great deal of insight into understanding trauma, plus empathy and compassion- I think it makes me a better person. I just have to fight through the wobbles!

I was suicidal and made several attempts as a teenager. I still have suicidal thoughts (im late 40s). I have lots on intrusion thoughts. I now believe them to be linked to OCD. I have lots of OCD traits. I'm not actually depressed.