I think I’m having a breakdown

[xxoverworkedandanxiousxx]

Thats it really. I feel like I am failing at everything. Single mum of 2 but they only go to their dads 1 night a week, eldest in high school is such hard work at the moment, everyday is a battle to just do simple things, he keeps getting himself sent home from school for various reasons (bullying was involved and is being dealt with, but he genuinley just doesn't want to be at school) and his dad lives over an hour away so it is always upto me to go and get him and miss work. They ring me for anything saying he has been sick so he cant go back for 48hours yet there never seems to be anything wrong when we get back.
My job is quite full on and I am struggling to get it done. House always seems to be a mess even though i always seem to be cleaning/tidying. Im skint and in debt.
Been feeling low for months and got put on antidepressants months ago but this last week i feel awful. Today i cannot stop crying, rolling panic attacks one after another and i just feel so alone and sad.
Feel like i have no friends, no future and genuinely can't remember being happy. Then i feel guilty because i love my children so much.
I feel like i am juggling so much and neglecting myself but I don't know what i can do to make it stop.
Kids dad refuses to help me more, my family will help when/if they can but all work full time and have their own lives, im on a waiting list for therapy but don't really have high hopes abouy that.
Im sorry for the gloom. I've just had enough.
O

That sounds like a really difficult situation and it’s no wonder you are feeling like you’re struggling. I know you say family all work full time but is there anyone who you can at least speak to about how you are feeling? you might need to go back to the GP. Things will get better, they won’t be this hard forever. Do you get any break from work over Christmas?

Sounds like maybe you’re not on the best antidepressants for you. Sometimes you have to try a few unfortunately until you get the right balance. I would call your GP on Monday morning and ask for an emergency phone appointment (that you can duck out of work and take?) on mental health grounds. You may be able to get your prescription changed to something that will help you more. Xx

OP, the more you carry on whilst breaking down, the worse it will get and it will be harder to pick yourself up or get anything changed further down the line, you don't want to end up severely mentally ill as then you won't be able to look after anyone.

You need to get a sick note from the GP (or self-certify for the first week) and then go off for the week and sort yourself out. You are holding on by a thread, I've been there and ultimately it will break if you don't cut yourself some slack and address the very real pressures you are under.

This too shall pass. Look at what you have lived through and see your strength. You can do this because you are doing this.

Look at your priorities. Keep kitchen and bathroom clean but leave the rest while it's too much. High school age kids can help with housework start a chores list for both of you. Do your 'chores' while he does his. It's called body doubling and really helps.

Does your ex at least do one collection or are you doing drop off and collection each time? What would happen if you refused to do it would ex then step up or would contact end?

Have you had advice on the debt? There is lots of support out there on how to manage it.

Go back to the gp. Ask for a medication review. Say how you are feeling and ask to be signed off for a couple weeks. Use the first week to recharge ignore the housework or admin and anything stressing you just care for your kids. Binge boxsets take long baths and nap. In the second week break your to do list down into daily tasks, put some music on and just plough through it. Finish up with a family meeting with the kids discuss new house rules and chore lists.

One kid is high school so you don't have huge amounts of time before you can drop ferrying around for contact and dealing with school problems. Remind yourself kids grow fast look back on how fast it's gone already and see how strong you have been to keep going so long.

You can do this. You will because you love your kids and they need you. Just take some time now short term, drop the guilt and worry focus on recharging and caring for yourself. That is needed and that is acceptable, there is no shame in it. I can fully empathise with feeling like you are going to have a breakdown but know you can't because of your children. Just treading water barely afloat. You need to get out the pool and catch your breath so when you get back in you have the energy to swim again.

Thank you for your caring repsonses.

I left my ex just over a year ago, it was a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship and it took so much strength to leave him. I still love him and mourn the family unit we had. I have to keep reminding myself of the bad stuff to stop me romanticising it and going back.

Since then it has been a huge struggle to adjust to single parenting as he moved away. Trying to juggle my job as well as the financial pressure and housework has been a shock to the system.

I am reluctant to take time off as i work term time only so actually have a lot of time off albeit always with the kids 😅

Just feel like a failure, failing at life. Hate myself for feeling this way when so many people have it worse.

You are absolutely not a failure, but don’t beat yourself up for how you are feeling, pain is pain you can’t compare to other people. A year is not a long time to adjust to what’s happened, the anniversary of a huge life changing event can be tough too. I understand not wanting to take time off work but you won’t be able to go to work or parent if you get to crisis point. Even a short break might just give you the time and space to catch a breath. I really would consider going back to the GP and being very honest about how you are feeling. Also - have you told any of your wider family or a close friend how you are feeling?

I have found being a lone parent the hardest thing I have ever done, it's all on you, money, household, the kids, it's just relentless whilst working as well. I have adjusted to it now, and mine are older, but in the teen years it is so tiring.

Op you aren't failing, you are succeeding- cut yourself some slack and get an appointment with the GP for sure, plus extra support over this holiday coming up. If you have to take sick leave, so be it, ideally not, but it's not the end of the world if you have to, it is worse if you let yourself run right down so you can't work at all for several months.

❤️

It sounds like you need a bit of you time. Getting signed off sounds sensible. How long have you been on the pills for? It can often take several weeks for them to take effect.
If things get really bad, call nhs 111 option 2 x

Get signed off and make a Dr appointment. Discuss your medication which may need an adjustment and get blood tests to see if you're low on vitamins or if anything physical is wrong. Talk to your GP about beta blockers regarding the panic attacks.

Regarding your son contact Family Lives, they have a good helpline.

If you can afford it, pay someone to come in and do a deep clean. Organise a weekly cleaner.

Contact the National Debtline regarding your debts. There may be a way to reduce or clear them.

Anxiety UK does affordable therapy. Don't carry on waiting.

Take a good multivitamin, Vitamin D and magnesium. Make sure you're eating properly. Get some exercise even if it's walking around the block.

You might find the Money Savings Expert useful in making savings.

Sorry to hear this @xxoverworkedandanxiousxx Many of us have been there. Lone parenting and working and being responsible for everything takes a toll physically and mentally. Definitely get signed off and ask for medication review. Then sleep as much as you need to and eat good healthy food. Please don’t let yourself get really burned out. Look after yourself as if you’re a small child who needs lots of care and gentleness. This helped me through some tough times. Wish you all the best.