What's your secret for getting through tough times?

[nutellaaa]

I've been going though a bit of tough time recently and been trying to view the situations more objectively to help deal with them in my head. Certain things can help me not catastrophise now.

Got me wondering about people who seem to deal with stress better. I wonder what they go to, to deal with stress in their mind (or perhaps they don't and don't dwell on it)?

I think upbringing and being helped through tought times time by your parents can help you cope better as an adult. Not sure I had that so much when younger so never really learned how to deal with difficult times.

As I get older I am much better but wondered what/how others deal with it. Maybe one or two thoughts they remind themselves to help? Hope that makes sense..

I spend time with my cats, I try to get out in the fresh air, sometimes a glass of wine, always a hug, from whoever is nearest. I try to speak to someone if I'm on my own because a problem shared can be a problem halved and I often find myself alone and stressed. I also try to find time for downtime, be that reading or a jigsaw or just a cup of tea.

Taking it one day at a time and not looking too far ahead. If all you have to do is cope with today, that's totally doable. Tomorrow is another day. Rinse and repeat. Eventually it will get better. Focus on the here and now, and only stress about what you can actually influence. If there's nothing you can do about something, let it go.

One day at a time.

Get out of the house.

Flee from heartsink types.

I am not saying I have all the answers, I’m probably very unhealthy but -

Realise that my future self will thank my past self, for whatever I chose to do, even if I don’t care in that moment. So e.g. I try and keep on top of housework rather that letting it get to an unmanageable state. Or make a step towards a work goal even though I can’t really motivate myself. Basically just keep going through the motions.

Distract, compartmentalise and just don’t face whatever it is!!!

PS and I had a lot of examples of people getting through sad hard times when I was growing up, but I don’t think it gives you an advantage in coping as an adult.

A few things I find helpful:

• I ask myself what I can change and try to only worry about the things I have control over. Everything else will happen or not, regardless of whether I worry about it.
• Get outside for a walk, even if it's the last thing I feel like doing.
• Hug my DH, my kids, or my dog... whoever is around.
• Live one day at a time. It's less overwhelming to think I need to get through this day than this week/month/year.
• Avoid people who love other peoples misery like the plague.

I hope you're ok OP

I deal with overwhelm by breaking everything down into much smaller chunks, make a list, then I also break down my day into half hour time slots. I allocate time to the items on the list, to work, to sleep, relaxation and health. I pick 3 things on the problem list to do a day, or however many I think I can reasonably do without compromising the other segments, aiming for balance and reminding myself that I'm not a super human and can't be everywhere do everything at once. Health includes fresh air, meditation and exercise, relaxation includes socialising, reading, TV and jigsaws for me, but you will probably have your favourite things.

I do think my background makes me resilient, not just my childhood but also my career. I don't think it's just about adversity and learning to cope. I've done a lot of training in my professional life too. I also think that I'm a natural optimist and was taught from an early age not to dwell on things I can't change and to act on the things I can. Problem solving was an essential skill in a family that struggled to make ends meet. But I've also consciously worked on it too.

I remind myself about the person I think I am, my 3 word description today is calm, resilient, purposeful. I change it according to the situation. I live in the moment a lot.

Hope you are ok

There’s some really great advice on here already! I try to get in fresh air, cuddle the cat, hug a tree, listen to the birds, cook nice food for myself and take time to enjoy cooking as well as eating it.

I cut down on coffee and alcohol when I know I’m stressed because I know that for me it makes it so much worse.

I find one small thing under my control to start off with, something that will make me feel like I’ve achieved something if I can keep it under control (could be as simple as the washing, going for a walk every morning or a craft thing) and make sure it’s always done. This reassures me that I’m capable of being in control.

I compartmentalise a lot and do it very deliberately. I allow myself to look in the problem compartments for a limited period of time and then close them again. If necessary I set an alarm to limit the time and then make myself a snack or drink to end that period of time thoroughly. Sometimes solutions appear to the problems when the compartment is open, but most of the time the problem just gets looked at, turned over and put away again. Some of the boxes have been there for years and don’t really get touched any more.

Remember to give yourself time to think about how things were before the problems, to bring back happy memories and to picture what you’d like it to look like when you’re feeling better.

I also have a few standard phrases, typically lines from songs which I can close my eyes and chant briefly to myself if I need better grounding (particularly if I’m suddenly struggling when I’m out in public).

I’m definitely a work in progress and struggle a lot ……I’m not resilient at all !
Im better when I’m around people (not easy when family are a long way away )
Getting outside is crucial to me
A counsellor suggested prioritising doing things that are enjoyable (at the expense of necessary chores )
I’ve recently started volunteering and I get a lot of pleasure from that

When I'm going through a tough time I find it helps to "sit with it" for a while. By which I mean acknowledge that things are tricky and spend some time thinking about the situation, whether I could have done anything differently, whether there's anything I can do about it now. Then I make an effort to put it behind me and get on with things - but having that time to reflect helps me to feel stronger.

When I go through a tough time, I talk it through with trusted friends then start getting proactive.
I'll make a plan on how to get out of this, what resources I need and how to get them.
I also do a lot of walking and exercise to burn off the stress.