My dc are driving me into a breakdown

[Cantdoitanymor3]

I'm Autistic and ADHD, they're going through assessment for both but they are definitely AUDHD as well.

Two dc 6 and 8. The 8yo is borderline school refusing due to anxiety and trying to work out how to get him to school is breaking me, I'm on the verge of burnout - been here before, i know the signs, I'm exhausted just broke down crying in front of them. The 6yo is less affected by asd but it's more the adhd impulsivity - he can't seem to help himself and will wind the 8yo up and watch him go - jealous because the 8yo is missing so much school i think. From the minute they both get home they're bickering, fighting, melting down. We are walking on egg shells constantly. They won't tolerate afterschool or breakfast clubs, so it's me and dh only. It's relentless.

I'm so scared of ending up suicidal again. Dont know why I'm posting, I just needed to get it out i think. I don't know how I'm supposed to wake up tomorrow and do it again, and the next day and the next day.

And i know it's not their fault, they can't help it. None of us asked to be this way i get it.

No advice but a hand hold. I have three children, one diagnosed ASD at 5 and one waiting for an ADHD assessment. The one waiting to be assessed for ADHD is definitely the hardest. He has the worse meltdowns which involve punching and scrabbing me. He is an overachiever in school but masks all day long then explodes with me. School are aware and are supporting me

The one with ASD is struggling with secondary school and also witnessing his younger brothers violent meltdowns daily. Our oldest is sitting exams and has the stress that goes with that. Every day is HARD.

Thank you so much for responding and I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar boat. I'm absolutely dreading secondary/teenage years.

Have you been on touch with ss children with disabilities team? Have you had carers assessment for respite?
Have you identified what would help eg having someone take them.out? Send them to respite centre or foster carers for respite ?
Is their dad around?
Speak to your GP and ask gp to write or refe to ss disabilities team
Check what might be available locally eg ask at school or local parents forum