Health anxiety

[Desperate30]

I know there’s lots of threads on here about this but just wanted a listening ear really. I’ve suffered on and off with health anxiety for quite a few years. It spiked a couple of years after I had a HA. I had counselling and it settled down but seems to crop up during periods of stress. There’s been a bereavement in our family - quite sudden and a lot of sadness at the whole situation. I know my triggers are often to do with loss (childhood trauma and abandonment). I just seem to lurch from one worry to another. Often my heart but lately stomach issues. I see others coping well and on the outside I look like I do too even though I just want to stay in bed. I’m on sertraline. I function but often there’s just a gnawing anxiety. Can anyone relate? Thanks for reading.x

I have bipolar. Mood stabiliser keeps me on an even keel but I still have gnawing anxiety (love that phrase to describe it). It’s there every day and spikes the opposite to you. When everything is ok, I can’t rest at all. My childhood was scary and chaotic and horrible things happened without warning often when I’d relaxed and been enjoying myself; so I suspect that’s why. A crisis or an issues allows me to divert all my anxiety onto it so I’m almost at my most comfortable then.

So my situation is not the same as yours but I can empathise with the way you describe feeling.

Have you had levels of meds reviewed would be my first question? My medication is closely monitored for its blood level absorption, as it can cause toxicity issues if too high. I was starting to feel off kilter for a few weeks and then had my blood level reviewed. It had decreased even though it had been stable for 2 years. So they slightly upped the dose and I felt so much better within a week or two. So even if the current dose has worked for a long time, I would ask for a review.

The only way I have found to deal with the anxiety is to label it: I come up with names that amuse me. So “oh I’m feeling xxxx today”. I then ignore it any way I can. I have a number of planned “distraction” topics that I deliberately starting thinking about, if that doesn’t work, I move (go to the gym if I can but I have been known to do some wall push ups in a toilet cubicle when I was on a group trip!), if that doesn’t work and I can, I doom scroll. I know it isn’t good for you but a couple of comedy reels and the laughter makes me feel better.

All the best. It’s a horrible way of feeling that is hard for others to understand and hard to deal with in the moment.

I see others coping well and on the outside I look like I do too

Have you ever thought that those others just 'look' like they do too? Sometimes being brave and admitting that you need a hug allows all those pent up fears and sadness somewhere to go.

RubicsQuandaryThanks so much for your kind and thoughtful reply Rubics. It’s horrible isn’t it. I have a telephone appointment with the doctor this week so I could ask about my meds. The funny thing is though, a couple of weeks ago I was thinking of tapering down a bit! I’ll try your distraction techniques too. I do hope you’re doing ok today.xx

Thank you EyesOpenWideAwake - a hug is sometimes so welcome. Your replies to others are always so wise and practical and I’ve found them helpful in the past.x

You're welcome. Did the counselling deal with the childhood issues? We can never be protected from external events (and nor should we be, it's part of being human) but with a solid core of self worth and happiness you can deal with whatever life chucks at you.

The counselling made me realise that’s where my fear came from. I don’t have lots of self worth though to be honest. Never felt secure as a child. I’ve got lovely family around me though which is a good thing.

Your description of a “gnawing” sounds very familiar to me.
Its very hard.
its mid winter now and I always find the loss of sunlight a trigger for me.
In winter I try really hard to get outside and get my heart rate up.. it really helps me. Exercise is great.
Also had a childhood with lots adverse events.
My job is listening to others.. at my very worst concentration on others[rob;emd seems to be very helpful😏

Imagine the anxiety (never refer to it as 'my', we tend to hold onto things when we personalise them) as a worried child, tugging at your clothes and asking for reassurance. It's not doing it to scare or upset you, on the contrary it's looking to conscious you - the adult in the room - for answers. So talk to yourself kindly, remind yourself that you are now a grown up and no one can hurt you anymore and that your record of getting through bad days currently stands at 100%.

Eyesopenwideawake That’s a very good way to look at things. Thank you! I need you as my counsellor!😂

This reminds me of a saying my friend has. I think it’s an AA thing. Being in your own head is being behind enemy lines. She always recommends helping someone else as a way of getting out from behind enemy lines.

That’s interesting - need to try that. Health anxiety is so draining isn’t it.x

I can definitely relate. Health anxiety can really take a toll, especially during stressful times like a loss. It's tough when the worries seem to move from one thing to another, and even though you’re functioning on the outside, it can feel exhausting. The constant anxiety is draining, but you're not alone in feeling this way.