Why am I feeling like this?

[whathappensnext]

I am a regular and have named changed for this thread.

Where to start? Over the past, I'd say 2 months I have been the moodiest, snappiest, generally horrid to be round person. Things seem to be really getting on top of me and I feel like I am ready to burst into tears or a rage at the slightest thing. I feel like I wake up in a mood and go to bed feeling like crap for being in a mood. The only way I can describe it is constant PMT.

I think my main problem is work, I work partime and ds goes to nursery on the days I work - something happened a few months ago at work which was essentially blamed on me unecessarily and since then the boss has been up and down with me, one minute being ok and the next minute completely ignoring me and generally treating my like crap. The thing is, I don't 'make' anything at work as my wage/petrol goes on paying for nursery fees. I am booked on a childminding course and hopefully will be able to start fulltime childminding come Sept so I have been persevering with work as I know I won't need to be there much longer.

I just feel a bit like my life is one big mess where I can't plan for anything at the moment, I have started party planning too to get in some extra cash so a few of my nights a week are taken up by this, then I get up, try and get the house straight, sort ds (who is 2 and being very testing at the mo), go to work, get home and sort ds, make tea and then go back out to work on an evening. Dh is studying for exams which he keeps failing and I am trying to be supportive but do feel pissed off that whilst he studies I have to juggle everything and time after time he is still not passing. I know that sounds selfish, I can hear how selfish it is whilst I'm writing it.

I cried and cried yesterday because ds had a tantrum, how rediculous is that? He is 2!! I know 2 year olds tantrum.

I told dh this morning that I really didn't want to go to work and I want to quit (it makes no odds moneywise) and he got arsey saying that I only have a few months left anyway and to stick it out. I feel like he doesn't understand, my boss had made me go from being confident in my field to a quivering wreck when I enter the building and he has put me off doing what I have trained to do for life.

But, on the other hand I know ds loves nursery and I am starting to feel guilty that I will be pulling him out when he talks about his friends and the nursery staff all the time - I don't know what to do, I keep crying and I don't know whether it is just my emotions all over the place or if I leave work I will feel better.

I don't think it is just work though. I love me husband so dearly yet I can't rememebr the last time we had sex, I just don't ever want to at the moment and God knows how this is making him feel.

If you got through all that, thanks for reading, I just needed to get it all off my chest.

So sorry to here your feeling like this.

I agree with Rubyrubyruby work is clearly the main factor in making you feels so low.
I would strongly reccomend quitting if the finances wont make that much difference to you.
I let a job get me so low ended up on AD due to a boss that was a complete bully (even threatening physical punishment)
It sounds like a huge weight will be lifted if you do and you may start to feel more positive and happy everywhere else.

I know I need to leave work but and I was telling dh it was so I could take ds along to toddler groups, have a wonder down to the schools pre/post schoold hours at pick up and hopefully get some leads and meet new faces to encourage people to consider me for childminding etc AND also because it is pointless me being there and he knows why I hate it at the mo. He commented that maybe I wanted to leave so urgently for my own benefit and that ds loves nursery so it would be a shame to pull him out now and risk losing his place (hopefully, when I childmind we might be able to afford to keep him in one morning/day a week but if I leave work now we will have to pull him out). When I think about it he does have a point, my reasons for leaving are completely valid but I wonder if they are the right reasons for me and not the right reasons for ds. Oh I just don't know what to do, I have to leave for work in 15mins and I feel sick at the prospect

I just feel so shit for taking everything out on everyone else. I have never felt so miserable.

Maybe Im wrong saying this but Happy mum,Happy baby. Might sound cheesy, but I believe it to be true.
You deserve to be happy too, I am sure your ds will be fine if you have to take him out, especially if your going to other groups so he can still socialize.
You have to do what is right to you. No job is worth feeling so low
xx

Am about to write my letter of resignation..........eeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!

How you feeling, how was work yesterday?

Well, I handed in my notice this am, my boss was actually pretty good about it and even offered me a fulltime position so I guess he didn't have as a big a vendetta as I thought he did. I did decline his offer though for various reasons. Am feeling nervous that I have made the right decision but feel like a weight has been lifted for definite. Am doing another party tonight (3 in a row!) so am a bit tired but looking forward to having a few well-earned glasses of wine tomorrow night - I booked tomorrow off work too! Woohoo!!! I hope other things will fall into place now, I guess time will tell.

Oh you sound so much happier in that last post.
I knew you would feel lika a huge weight had been lifted.
Hope the party went ok last night, and you enjoyed a well deserved glass of wine.
Enjoy your day off.

Thanks no1, I came home to a bath run and a glass of wine and packet of Revels on the table next to the bath Spending all day today cleaning as I think if I get on top of the hosue I will feel less stressed too, things are looking up.