Hi all, thank you for taking the time to read my post as it's probably going to be long.
I'm late 20s, happily married with two lovely DC, have a great job that I love. I have no real worries or complaints. But I am so bloody unhappy/anxious. Not all the time, sometimes I'm okay, but go through periods (like today) where I really struggle.
A bit of background: I have quite a strong family history of mental illness. My dad, maternal grandmother, and maternal uncle all have/had bipolar and/or severe clinical depression. My dad is stable now and has been for a while but when I was a child/teen he was very poorly, in and out hospitals under sections. I myself suffered from low mood and anxiety as a teenager but not severely. I also had antenatal depression when pregnant with my second DC for which I had counselling and CBT, which helped.
Youngest DC is now 2.5. He became very poorly in July, had to be blue lighted to hospital and spent a week in the PICU on a ventilator. He has made a full recovery now but obviously it was an incredibly traumatic time.
Fast forward to now. Like I said, some days I'm absolutely fine. Perfectly happy and content. But I will go through periods where I'm incredibly anxious, tearful, irritable. I can't sleep and have no appetite. When I do sleep I have either very strange dreams or horrible nightmares. I'm not suicidal but I ruminate a lot and have intrusive thoughts about death and self harm. These down periods can last anywhere from a few days to several weeks and then I'll be fine again. I function perfectly well at work even during down periods so nobody is aware.
My husband is amazingly supportive and helps out a lot so it's not that I feel unappreciated or overwhelmed with home life. I just don't know what the matter is. These down periods are becoming more frequent and severe so I'm now considering seeing my GP and seeing what help is available as I can't keep living like this 😔