Does this sound like depression?

[TinglyandCurious]

I’ve totally lost my sense of joy. I’m usually someone who gets little rushes of joy or excitement over quite little things (eg looking forward to a bubble bath or seeing a lovely teapot in a charity shop) but I just don’t feel this anymore. Sometimes I feel sad and sometimes I just feel nothing. On top of this though I feel like my fuse is very short and I’m so quick to frustration or irritability over things that don’t really warrant a response that big. I internalise most of this (I’m not getting angry with others) but then feel shit for over reacting even just inside my own head.

It’s been a hard 18 months juggling my mum’s cancer diagnosis and small children (my youngest is 3 and very stubborn compared to my eldest who is 7 and very chilled. Feel like I’ve had to relearn how to parent the last year to manage him. He’s gorgeous really though and has no additional needs) and my work (NHS) is incredibly stressful although I like the social aspect with my lovely team.

I’m 40 and don’t feel very well to be honest although a battery of recent bloods have come back fine. I have hypermobile joints which cause a lot of pain and injuries which doesn’t help. I sleep badly thanks to children 😄

I’m not sure what to do really.

When you had the recent bloods done, was that because you contact GP about how you were feeling or independent of these feelings?

@AngryFierceClouds I went to the GP because I’ve been feeling tired and run down and had some bowel/bloating issues (the bowel stuff has since resolved) and they did loads of checks (thyroid, vitamins and minerals, FSH/LH, HbA1c, stool tests etc) which all came back fine.

It sounds as though your GP took you seriously, which is great.

I wonder how much lack of sleep is impacting you? Is that definitely just related to the kids or are you also struggling to get to or stay asleep?

I wouldn’t live with how you feel (I learnt the hard way that that isn’t a great strategy - in hindsight though, I had always had to keep tight strategies in place to stay on an even keel - have you ever felt similar earlier in your life?). I would go back to your doctor and ask for help with your mood or your sleep.

How is your Mum doing? My Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer just after I had second baby and it took over all our lives for the 5 years he fought it.

Thank you for writing @AngryFierceClouds. I think my GP would take me seriously if I went back. I think I’m scared to face up to the fact I know I’m not totally right. Leaving it though, as you say, isn’t a good long term strategy. My strategy at the moment is to keep tight control over everything (keeping all plates spinning as it were) but I’m not sure that’s totally healthy either as any disruption to these routines makes me panic.

The sleep is hit and miss but often have at least one child waking me up in the night. I get to sleep very easily but if I’m disturbed after 2am I find it really hard to get back to sleep. My husband does help. I think compared to the degree of poor sleep I’ve had for years prior to this (two breastfed co-sleeping children) this seems like bliss when in reality it’s still not good.

I’m burnt out I think. My mum has stage 3 breast cancer and although her active treatment is over it’s been a very exhausting time for us all. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Being this sandwich generation is so hard.

Im tightly wound and exhausted. I will make a GP appointment for next week. Just needed that push thank you.

It’s strong people who burn out. They find themselves in an untenable situation and just keep going.

Is there something that can be done to help your children sleep through? Or for you and your DH to take turns in getting a guaranteed full nights sleep. Are they in the same room - would they stay in bed perhaps if they were moved in together if they’re currently not?

One of ours went through a phase of waking up so many times in the night after a few bouts of recurrent tonsillitis that in the end we moved her toddler bed into our room so I could reach out and cuddle her hand without either of us getting out of bed - which made it much easier for both of us to get back to sleep. We tried co sleeping but she star fished so much that meant terrible sleep for me.

All the best with your GP appointment. Maybe also discuss with them if some time of work on sick leave would help you recuperate. I know sick leave gets misused but it isn’t a misuse to need it to get well again. I kept going until I ended up in hospital for many weeks. I pondered going to the GP many times leading up to going ping. I had been a couple of times in the year leading up to going ping but didn’t keep going back when I wasn’t actually any better.

All the best.

Thank you for sharing your experience @AngryFierceClouds, it really helps. I do need to do something about all this before it gets actually out of control.

You’re right about the sleep. I will have a conversation with DH about it. It’s been rough on him too of course. The boys are in separate bedrooms which helps but things certainly do seem more tolerable when I’ve had a proper chunk of sleep.

thank you again x

I felt like this and was anemic.

@RedHelenB I’m definitely not - all my bloods came back fine which was disappointing in some way.

Menopause kicked in for me after a really stressful time and caused similar symptoms to yours (loss of a parent), have you considered this? (Blood tests wouldn't necessarily pick up hormone issues as they fluctuate day to day). I was 46