Trigger warning - Domestic Violence

[EagerLimeHiker]

Trigger warning - domestic violence & mental health

Hello everyone,

I'm trying to pick up the pieces and resume life after a horrific relationship and physically/sexual assault, which resulted in ex nearly getting a life sentence.

The assault happened over a year ago, trial & sentencing happened this year. During that period, I had returned to work, taken up studying, forced to o move house and started a new role.

The problem is once sentencing was done, which was delayed and due to the circumstances around it. I felt robbed. They took his 'shitty' childhood into account, which infuriated me. In the end the justice process was more damaging than the assault.

Once sentencing was finished, everyone assumed I felt some joy or relief but in reality all I had was anger and rage.

The worst feeling that has come out of this is, losing the will to live but not feeling suicidal or having urges to self harm.
I guess I could describe it as eating no frills Weetabix. Life doesn't have any colour or joy.
(During the final assault I wasn't sure, I'd make it & made a promise to myself that I would cherish anyday I was alive after it.)
I'm fighting that and trying to find joy in small doses.
I am accessing support ATM.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Thanks in advance.

I haven’t had a violence based trauma, I just wanted to say that with trial and sentencing only having happened this year, this is all still really recent, it makes everything before it more recent than it was iykwim, so it’s not surprising that you don’t feel you’re enjoying every minute. It sounds promising though that you can still find beauty in small things. I really wish you peace and contentment. Keep getting through the day or simply the next half hour and be proud of what you’ve achieved in surviving him and the legal process.. Even though the law has been an ass, you have made him accountable by bringing what he did to you into the light and with the grinding nature of the legal progress.
It must have been and continue to be mentally and emotionally exhausting for you.

Good that you’re getting support. That and the steel core you obviously have, and TIME will all help. Be really kind and gentle to yourself because you so deserve that. You have every right to be angry.

@Mmhmmn Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes, it's hard to keep perspective. x

I didn't have anything as horrendous as your abuse, but it took me a while to recover from and I had help. The trial will have made you revisit your trauma. The anger and rage is part of your defence mechanism. Acknowledgement will help healing.

I'm afraid there are no shortcuts, but it's good you are getting help. It will take time to come to terms with what happened. Go easy on yourself, the recovery route isn't always straightforward, but it is worth it. You've already come so far, hang in there. You will get there. You will find joy in life again.