I was raped over a year ago by someone I was in a relationship with. He was abusive towards me before and after the relationship ended, and I only have snippets of proof. I might be able to collect more comprehensive proof if I tried. I reached out for rape counselling at the time, and made diary entries, which might be my only proof of the rape. I developed an attachment to him, harassed him by creating accounts to speak to him after being blocked up until recently, which I am ashamed by. He has told me to stop contacting him, but has also at times told me that I need to change everything about me to be loved by him, and other things that have made me feel like I owe it to him to come back. I only recently learned I have PTSD from the relationship and am trauma bonded to him. I also “wanted” to sleep with him again and asked to which he is using against me. I would go from one extreme emotion to another and would go from hating him and wanting nothing to do with him to feeling attached to him, which contributed to the trauma bond. I read that trauma can create this dynamic and attachment.
someone who has known him for a decade has watched him abuse a number of women, he kept them away from his victims so he couldn’t tell them. I am not sure if it’s worth the stress of reporting, what I would get out of it or if it is more trouble than it is worth and if I may get into serious trouble for my own behaviour which may not be understood