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Is it worth reporting my rapist

2 replies

eRobin · 23/11/2024 21:14

I was raped over a year ago by someone I was in a relationship with. He was abusive towards me before and after the relationship ended, and I only have snippets of proof. I might be able to collect more comprehensive proof if I tried. I reached out for rape counselling at the time, and made diary entries, which might be my only proof of the rape. I developed an attachment to him, harassed him by creating accounts to speak to him after being blocked up until recently, which I am ashamed by. He has told me to stop contacting him, but has also at times told me that I need to change everything about me to be loved by him, and other things that have made me feel like I owe it to him to come back. I only recently learned I have PTSD from the relationship and am trauma bonded to him. I also “wanted” to sleep with him again and asked to which he is using against me. I would go from one extreme emotion to another and would go from hating him and wanting nothing to do with him to feeling attached to him, which contributed to the trauma bond. I read that trauma can create this dynamic and attachment.
someone who has known him for a decade has watched him abuse a number of women, he kept them away from his victims so he couldn’t tell them. I am not sure if it’s worth the stress of reporting, what I would get out of it or if it is more trouble than it is worth and if I may get into serious trouble for my own behaviour which may not be understood

OP posts:
DreadPirateRobots · 23/11/2024 21:16

Only you can ultimately make that judgement.

But... even if it goes to a prosecution, which sadly most reports don't, it's an ugly and difficult process, and anything you did that didn't confirm with ideas of a "perfect" innocent victim is quite liable to be used against you.

I would recommend that you spend some time talking to Rape Crisis, Victim Support or similar and think things through. All the best.

eRobin · 23/11/2024 21:45

DreadPirateRobots · 23/11/2024 21:16

Only you can ultimately make that judgement.

But... even if it goes to a prosecution, which sadly most reports don't, it's an ugly and difficult process, and anything you did that didn't confirm with ideas of a "perfect" innocent victim is quite liable to be used against you.

I would recommend that you spend some time talking to Rape Crisis, Victim Support or similar and think things through. All the best.

I’ve been worried about that and potentially not being believed. It has all of been really complicated and I have been abusive myself and emotionally disregulated.
I wasn’t honest with rape crisis or anyone about being in contact. I said I wasn’t but I was still in contact all this time. I didn’t feel I could let him go or for him to be prosecuted. I didn’t feel ready for that and I was really confused

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