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Ocd

65 replies

Lena4039 · 21/11/2024 11:27

hi. I hope someone will take the time to answer me. I have a child who’s 9 months who I love more than anything. when I was pregnant I got ocd, and it also continued after the child was born. now I've had it for quite a long time, and everyone around me is tired and fed up with my ocd, especially my husband. I'm now afraid he can't stand it anymore and can't stand being with me anymore. I have therefore decided to start medicine. I've been going to therapy the whole time, but I can't get the ocd under control. I'm so afraid that the medicine won't work because then my husband can't take it anymore. I also don't want to breastfeed and go on medication at the same time, so then I have to stop breastfeeding. this is also sad for me. but the biggest fear is that medicine won't work on my ocd.

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Lena4039 · 30/11/2024 23:15

FionaSkates · 25/11/2024 22:50

Imagine you are climbing tree. The first branch is 8ft up in the air so you will probably get there somewhere by jumping/scrambling/swinging/heaving yourself up. That’s tackling OCD without medication.

Now imagine you have a step-ladder. You put it infront of the tree and gracefully climb up to the first branch. That’s tackling OCD with medication. You can do it both ways but why would you do it the first way. Xx

@FionaSkates it's true:) I think it's just a bit scary to start medicine because then I get it because of the medicine, but I have to stop one day and then everything will probably flare up again.

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Lena4039 · 30/11/2024 23:21

NearlyXmasTime · 25/11/2024 22:54

thank you very much for reply. wow, did you make it without medicine? Do you want to share what helped you out of it?

Once I realised it was my brain that was making me do things and that I had the ability to control my own brain the CBT started to work.

Weeks one homework was to leave the house on anyone day without cleaning my DS’s ensuite and I couldn’t do it which is like you and your handwashing. Then on week two I succeeded, I literally ran out of the house jumped in the car and made myself do it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I learned techniques such as realising my anxiety would get higher and higher and higher but would peak and then gradually subside. So for example if I didn’t get up and neaten my Venetian blinds I thought my anxiety would get so bad I’d eventually have a heart attack when it fact it got high, stayed high and then gradually went down. Over time the urge to straighten the blinds got less.

I also had to write down the worst thing I thought could happen if such and such happens and then realistically what was likely to happen. Over time I came to terms that what was realistically going to happen was way more likely than what my brain had previously envisioned.

Honestly I can say hand on heart that the CBT was the best thing I’ve ever done. My OCD was really bad.

I didn’t take medicine as the therapy worked for me.

Edited

@NearlyXmasTime wow that was very strong and brave of you! I wish I could do the same :) but I'm so afraid that something horrible will happen if I don't just wash my hands an extra time, or some of the other ocd things I do. I am not afraid of the feeling of anxiety, but when I get anxiety it feels like there is a real danger there and I dare not avoid listening to that thought.Do you have an example ofyour work with cbt to challenge the belief in the ocd thoughts? or is it as you described, that you wrote down and thought about the possibility?

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Lena4039 · 30/11/2024 23:24

Funnywonder · 25/11/2024 23:05

To be honest @Lena4039 I can't remember much about my recovery. I had CBT at the local hospital and really hated it. I used to lie about getting better in the hope that I wouldn't have to go back😆 Unfortunately my mum isn't around anymore for me to ask her for details, but she was incredibly supportive and I know I must have driven her mad with my anxiety and my rituals, or as my son calls them, patterns. What I do remember is that one evening I was lying in bed and my mum came and started chatting in the doorway. I had been lying there fighting this irresistible urge to wash my hands and she said something along the lines of 'Sure it's not as if you're going for a picnic at this time of night' and I found it funny and laughed. But the words stuck in my head as something very sensible and real. I honestly think I used those words about the picnic, repeating in my head, over and over, to help me fight the OCD.

@Funnywonder thank you so much for sharing:) it's amazing how one sentence can change everything:) I could need a sentence like that too, but haven't found anything that seems more real than the anxiety thoughts.

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HappyTwo · 10/12/2024 20:55

We have a lot of OCD in our family including myself. I got it very bad when I was pregnant and after I gave birth it escalated further. I actually didn't know I had OCD until my son at age 7 started showing signs and they worked out I had it. Unfortunately, my daughter then developed it and has had severe OCD for all of her teen years.

OCD is a response to stress and anxiety - rather than healthy coping mechanisms during periods of stress our brains try and calm us by repetitiveness. It can get better if we feel calmer, it can get worse if we are under stress and pressure as you are now.

One of my biggest regrets is when my daughter developed OCD I refused to put her on medication - I wanted her to have therapy first as that's what I had done and it worked. Unfortunately, the cruelness of OCD is once someone gets worse there are more rituals and rules to unravel. She ended up being on meds for 5 years...and after a year of going off them is going back on them again.

I think its really important you don't think of yourself as weak - that's not fair on you - you didn't choose this and everyone with OCD finds it a struggle. I also don't think you worrying about your relationship is going to help because that's a stressor so therefore a trigger - can you have a frank chat with your hubby to let him reassure you?

What you need rather than thinking I should be resisting is to change your mind set....my OCD is getting worse, what is stressing me - why is it getting worse - what can I do to reduce my anxiety? Find some techniques to help that - breathing slowing can help, another thing is pay more attention to outside of your head noises like the sounds in the kitchen / cars on the road, gently stroke your own arm and feel the sensations - you are trying to distract yourself from paying attention to internal thoughts.

If you look at the OCD websites they can sometimes share tips on what has helped them.

Our first therapist said something that stuck in my head - the therapist had said it was likely my mum had not known how to deal with her anxiety and therefore did not pass on good copy behaviours to me...and so I did not have these to pass onto my kids so she was going to help us all learn coping behaviours for stress.

But there is one thing I want to share with you that helped me most with my OCD... I realised my children were watching and copying me. I noticed one day my daughter at aged 4 pumped the soap a few times when she was washing her hands and I asked her why she did that instead of just one pump. She said because you do it mummy...and knowing that my kids are learning my bad habits was a huge motivation to be a better role model to them.

I also think that it is very common to have OCD when you are neurodivergent - is there any chance you also have ADHD or autism? I ask because knowing if you are neurodivergent can sometimes help as you can better as you understand why you find some things more stressful.

YourFairCyanReader · 10/12/2024 21:09

Hi OP,
Please don't feel you've 'not been strong enough' or failed in any way by going on to medication. Meds are there to treat our illnesses - they're a feat of civilisation, a triumph of science, we wouldn't hesitate with drugs for our physical ailments and treating mental illness is exactly the same. Embrace it and celebrate it and let it help you get better.

You've done so well to get through pregnancy and raising a baby whilst you have this illness. Give yourself a hug for that. It's really horrible and especially when some people don't understand it and think it's just about having tins lined up in the cupboard.

I got OCD in my first pregnancy and have it on and off ever since. I get awful visions as well as the compulsions.

What I have realised over the years is that, for me, the OCD is a symptom of wider stress and anxiety in my life. When it flares up, I concentrate on my general health and wellbeing - diet, exercise, sleep. I also concentrate on things I can control, like my routine, what I will eat, my choices every day. I write down what I will do, use a diary, make lists. All of this reassures me that I have control over my life and improves my general mental health.
If your baby is only 9m it's likely you've had a lot of life changes and might be feeling your life is out of control. Can you focus on that, rather than the OCD?

Lena4039 · 14/12/2024 23:17

@HappyTwo Thank you very much for sharing your story with me and providing important reflections. it is a scary thought to pass this on to my child so i will do anything to get better from my ocd. I am very afraid that the medicine will not be able to help me. I can't quite understand how the medication can help me with that as it seems like an impossible task. yes, I get stressed that my ocd will destroy my little family, and that my husband will not put up with me and my ocd. He can't promise me that, and I appreciate his honesty. it is very painful to be bothered with this, and I hope that one day I will be able to have a slightly more normal life with ocd. now I'm just really tired of having it. And everyone close to me are tired of me and my ocd too..

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Lena4039 · 14/12/2024 23:34

@YourFairCyanReader Thank you very much for your reply and for sharing with me. Do you have any experience with ocd and medicine yourself? I'm very afraid it won't work. yes, I never thought I would get ocd, but suddenly I became afraid that everything could be dangerous for the baby. I often hear that those around me are tired of hearing about all the worries I have, and I understand that. yes, it may be that it is the change in life and lack of sleep and rest that triggers ocd even more. at the same time, I don't have time to rest or have any me- time, so it might come later. I just hope my husband stays.

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FionaSkates · 15/12/2024 10:30

@Lena4039 How are you doing with your medication? Xx

Lena4039 · 15/12/2024 22:09

@FionaSkates hi:) no, I haven’t start yet because I want to breastfeed till the baby is one year old. So I have to wait. But I will start:)

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Lena4039 · 17/12/2024 14:01

@FionaSkates but when I read on the package about all the side effects I get a little scared. who knows what negative long-term effects medicine has. at the same time, I can't be like this for the rest of my life:)

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rubyslipperss · 17/12/2024 20:47

Hi, hope you're doing ok. I was in a similar position 20 years ago when I had my DD, I had PND, OCD tendencies and it was ruining my life , I also wasn't sleeping . Going on medication literally saved me and my relationships, especially with my little DD. I was so worried I was going to poison her, even when I was told I could breast feed. I hope you can get the help you need.

Lena4039 · 17/12/2024 22:06

@rubyslipperss Thank you so much for sharing with me. so the medicine helped for your ocd? How did you feel it helped? I am also very afraid that something could be dangerous for the baby and I’m therefore very careful with everything. I get completely exhausted from all the thinking and that things must be done in the way I think is most safe. I am afraid to take medicine, but at the same time feel that it may be my only chance right now. but I'm very afraid the medicine won't work on me. are you still on medicine? :)

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rubyslipperss · 17/12/2024 23:15

I think you have to trust the pharmacists who know their stuff and if you've said you're BF and they say it's safe, it will be . There is so much research done on this sort of thing. My DD was fine and the medication helped me bond with her and calmed my thinking down, and helped with the intrusive thoughts which keep the cycle going . I don't like taking medication either and really only did it when I was desperate , I was at breaking point I think, so I kind of had to . Side effects lasted a couple of weeks and then I stayed on it two years and had CBT counselling . I'm just going back on a different one actually now as I've had difficulties this year. I really felt great on it ! I hope you have some supportive calm people around you who understand .

Lena4039 · 18/12/2024 21:49

@rubyslipperss it sounds absolutely wonderful that the medicine helped you so much! that must have been a great relief! for ocd with all routines and thoughts can feel like a prison sometimes. thank you very much for your concern:) My family really just says I'm hysterical and when I talk about my worries, they say they can't bear to talk about it. so it's a bit tricky, but I understand that it can be tiring for many :)

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Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 18/12/2024 22:48

If you continue to wash your hands you negate finding out what will happen if you don’t thus reinforcing the dysfunctional beliefs related to feared outcome

you have to try it once and see what happens. Medicine will help regulate feelings of anxiety but it can not physically force you to stop handwashing only you can- you have a higher level autonomy over your thoughts

you are risking the integrity of your skin microbiome, immune system, in time your child learning unhealthy behaviours, restricting daily functioning due to handwashing.

if your feared outcome was so terrible wouldn’t everyone be doing it?

what exactly is your rationale for continuing to wash your hands to the extent you do when others don’t?

FionaSkates · 19/12/2024 07:34

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 18/12/2024 22:48

If you continue to wash your hands you negate finding out what will happen if you don’t thus reinforcing the dysfunctional beliefs related to feared outcome

you have to try it once and see what happens. Medicine will help regulate feelings of anxiety but it can not physically force you to stop handwashing only you can- you have a higher level autonomy over your thoughts

you are risking the integrity of your skin microbiome, immune system, in time your child learning unhealthy behaviours, restricting daily functioning due to handwashing.

if your feared outcome was so terrible wouldn’t everyone be doing it?

what exactly is your rationale for continuing to wash your hands to the extent you do when others don’t?

Edited

THIS!

The meds take the edge off the intrusive thoughts but you still get rid of them in the same way- by realising that they are just thoughts and they can’t hurt you and consciously stopping the rituals. You have to not wash your hands and see what happens. Once you do that, you’ll realise that your feared outcome doesn’t happen after all and there is no need to perform the ritual.

OP: I say this kindly as someone who has been in your position, if you are being offered meds that are safe in breastfeeding, take them. Honestly, you sound like you’re having such a rough time. Read the book ‘Overcoming OCD’ by Professor David Veale and apply those techniques and give it your absolute best. Xx

Applefumble · 19/12/2024 07:43

I was very unwell with ocd after both of my children. Medication was essential to take the edge off the anxiety and this made it possible to actually complete the exposure exercises and challenge my thoughts and behaviour. I've made a good recovery and I am free of ocd (I still have some ocd thoughts but I never act on them and life is immeasurably better). Medicine and therapy combined was crucial for me but you also need to really push yourself and put the work in. It will be hard but so worth it. I grew up with a parent with OCD who thought nothing of sharing their 'wonky 'thinking. My biggest motivation was not repeating this cycle as it was awful.

StrangeSenseOfCalm · 22/12/2024 19:36

Hi OP. I also have OCD and have finally started medication (sertraline) a couple of days ago after considering it for years and years. What medication have you been prescribed? I've started a new therapy as well which is a mix of CBT and ERP - I am absolutely dreading it and so worried about working through my hierarchy of things that make me anxious, but I can't live like this any more, because what I am living is no life at all.

Thanks for the PP with the book suggestion, I've just ordered that too.

Lena4039 · 22/12/2024 23:18

@Shakeyourbaublesandsmile thank you very much for reply. I'm just so scared that something will happen to my baby because I'm careless and have something on my hands that could hurt my baby/make the baby sick. I see that others do not do the same as me, but at the same time it feels so risky not to. but the hand washing is only part of it, there are also other things I try to be absolutely sure of to make sure the baby is safe.and I’m really pissed at myself for not being able to just don’t care.

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Lena4039 · 22/12/2024 23:22

@FionaSkates thank you so much, and for your kind words:) that’s what’s scares me about the medication, because I know that I can’t fix my problems, I actually have to do the same as if I’m not taking medication, so I don’t understand how it’s going to work. I feel like really panicking if I don’t have the control, and at the same time I just want to give the hole project up and just relax. But my mind won’t let me have that peace, and it’s exhausting.

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Lena4039 · 22/12/2024 23:24

@Applefumble thank you so much for sharing:) so glad that the medication helped you both times and that you free from ocd, that’s fantastic! Right now I feel like I’m going to be in this control project forever.. that’s my worst nightmare, to see my child go trough this because of me.

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Lena4039 · 22/12/2024 23:29

@StrangeSenseOfCalm hi:) so glad to hear that you are doing this to feel better, I hope the medication will work for you combined with the therapy. How are you feeling, have you experienced any side effects? :) Escitalopram is the one I have been prescribed. I have tried therapy for a while now, but I’m just feeling weak because I can’t get control over the ocd. I hope the medication will help us both a little bit so we can get our life’s back. Right now I feel like my mind has a thousands of thoughts all day long on have to keep my baby safe, even though I don’t always listen to the thought they destroying my peace everyday. :/

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time4anothername · 22/12/2024 23:53

Have you had a joint session with your DH there so that he is confident what he should do when you are stuck checking or asking for reassurance? If not, do ask for one.
The charities OCD Action and OCDuk run support groups for partners.
Look at their support groups for yourself too as the support areas might help you when you are struggling to do ERP alone on your own.
Also, if your therapist can't come to you then ask for a telephone session where you do the ERP at home when you are there with them on the other end of the phone so that you can start to associate the change with home and not just where you go to do therapy.
Good luck.

Lena4039 · 25/12/2024 23:32

@time4anothername hi:) thank you:)

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HildegardVonBingham · 25/12/2024 23:52

Hi OP I’m really sorry to hear you’re having these struggles with OCD. Growing up my mum had checking OCD and now I’m 30 I have it very badly - it took me 20 minutes to leave the flat to travel home for Christmas because I was convinced the taps would turn on and flood the entire building. Just writing that makes my chest feel tight. I also have terrible visions of bad things happening to people I love - DP being knocked off her bike, or my mum having a heart attack. You feel like it runs your whole life, and it’s a response to underlying stress. I decided to take the plunge and was prescribed sertraline last week, and am seeking a good online CBT therapist. I wrote all that out because I hope it makes you feel less alone to know that other women have similar challenges with OCD and I hope you get the support you need. Sounds like you are an amazing caring mum and hopefully your husband can read the David Veale book too so he can understand what you’re going through and you can tackle it together for you and your baby xxx