How do I stop over thinking/ build my confidence?

[Lockdownbaby2021]

As the title suggests, I need help.

long, desperate post alert.

I am 29, and since probably the age of 16 i have become more and more anxious and my confidence is at an all time low.

I’ve always had anxiety, even as a child I remember over thinking loads of things, worried about what my friends thought of me (even in primary school), always the ‘awkward’ one etc. in high school I was quiet, had a very small circle of friends. I also really worried about maybe doing or saying things to make people sad or feel uncomfortable.

i hit a bout of depression in my late teens from around the age of 16-18 I found myself really down, felt like no one liked me, that I had no friends. And it all started there. in this time I lost A LOT (a bit too much) weight as I was so anxious.
after losing weight it appeared I was no longer the ugly ducking so to speak, I started going out underage drinking with random people I didn’t even really consider friends at the time, meeting various boys I didn’t know, sneaking out etc as they actually started to take interest in me as I lost some weight.

I then met my partner aand we have been together since, he saved me! He built up my confidence, I put some weight on, he pampered me with meals out, I love his family. But …. I feel like we have hit a wall now too since having our second. We argue a lot, have many disagreements, fight over money, the children, etc!

we’ve had two children and slowly I can feel myself becoming really anxious again.
I really care what people think of me, I’ve pretty much forgotten how to have a conversation with people. I’m FINE at work, love my work ladies as we can chat about work and have a laugh but they’re all a lot older than me. I still consider myself quite young but I have no friends the same age who I can let my hair down with, go out for brunch, tell all my secrets to, be myself around! Ones that I can go on holiday with or on girls trips!
I just feel so awkward. I’ve tried mum groups and met a couple of mums but never got anywhere as they have their own close circle of mum friends already that they’ve grown up with.

Like I see these big groups of women my age when I go out for a night with my partner and get jealous. They’re all so happy, laughing, loud and look to have such a good time.
If I do speak to women I always worry after if I’ve said something stupid, acted awkward, convince myself that they think I’m weird/ don’t like me

like what do I talk about now other than my children ??

im a bugger for over thinking, i literally over think EVERYTHING! Like my own health, children’s health, worry about finances (we struggle for money), if I’m being a good mum.

sorry for the garbled message but I hope you get the idea of my worries.

i know I'm such a nice person, in fact i think im too nice, and thats where a lot of my issues have occurred in the past. Im nice but Im not ‘fun’!!!! I just seem to project awkwardness upon everyone!

It sounds like you're carrying so much on your shoulders, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed many people can relate to these feelings of overthinking and self-doubt. Building confidence takes time, and starting small can make a difference. Try focusing on things that make you happy or proud, even if they feel small, like being a loving mum or excelling at work. When it comes to overthinking, remind yourself that most people are too focused on their own lives to dwell on what you say or do.
Consider joining new groups or hobbies that genuinely interest you it can be easier to connect when you share a passion with others. And remember, it’s okay to feel awkward; being kind and genuine matters far more than being “fun.” You’re not alone in this, and taking small steps to care for yourself and reach out will help over time. If you're looking for more support, therapy can be a great way to unpack these feelings and grow your confidence. If you're ready to explore that, consider reaching out to Renewed Mental Health Group you're not alone, and support is available.

@Lishi1212 thank you for your lovely response! I do feel like I could do with some therapy but always presumed I’d need to pay for it which isn’t possible right now.

I had an amazing upbringing, but for some reason I’ve always been like this. My parents are quite anxious/ reserved/ worriers so maybe this is why. they also never socialised with their own friends or went to any events, etc.

I have always worried about making my mum and dad upset or something hurting her feelings, doing bad at school, getting into trouble incase I disappointed them.

I do think this is why I am this way. But I know it’s not my parents fault as this is just who they are. They were very loving and supportive of me.

i just can’t switch off.

I also feel like every day is such a blur. Everything feels foggy. And if I do/ go somewhere it all seems like a dream. I never feel present and I’m always so tired.