I don't know how much more I can take

[Haveacuppaandwaitforthistoblowover]

Hi,

This will be long. (Sorry)

I have written this without changing my name or anything because I'm past caring and if I am identified, somehow so be it.

Im going through one of the absolute WORST times of my life. To the point I am so close to suicide. The only reasons I'm here is because I have a son and a dog. My children's father is in the picture but he is also not in a good way with whats happened.
MNHQ redacted some content in order to leave the rest of the post
So my daughter is 14 and since she was 12 things started going bad with her behaviour. One morning she was screaming at her brother (15) at 6am over who was using the shower first, I got up and told them both to stop arguing then before I knew it they were physically fighting so I had to tear them apart, my daughter wouldn't stop and started ripping my hair out so her father had to restrain her!
I was absolutely disgusted with her and sent her to school saying we would be having serious words when she came home. She never came home. I had a social worker on the phone just as I was about to leave to collect her saying I'd been accused of assault and she can't be at home. My son however was fine to be at home?
I was gutted, she was put with her gran on her fathers side and I said no because I didn't get on with this woman as her behaviour became quite inappropriate with drinking and lying about it, in the past around my children but I wasn't listened to.

A month after checks and police interviewing me, I got my child back, case closed.

Then in September 2022, only a couple of months later the behaviour was bad again, trying to drink, seeing boys, talking to inappropriate people online, fighting with gangs of kids in the local area.
I called the social work to try and get some help for her as clearly she was struggling with something IT WAS THE WORST THING I EVER DONE.
Their answer was to put her at the grans again, I said no, then my daughter ended up going there herself to delete evidence of what she was doing online (I had taken her phone) as I was going to the police and the gran helped her access her social media to delete messages incase she got in trouble!

I had to FORCE social work to put my child with their dad in another house if not mines and not the gran as they tried to say she was the better option!!

So for a month she lived with her dad and then came home. All was OK for a while, then same behaviours and this time I found out she was having under age sex! I went ballistic at the mother who allowed my daughter in her home unsupervised! Nobody was interested.
Then she started talking to a 15 year old boy and I wouldn't allow him in the house for periods of time (she was still 12) the only time he came in was when he was waiting for an hourly bus and they were with me. I wasn't happy about it but the fact I was trying to keep her on side to keep an eye on her, I didn't have alot of choice. Nobody would actually support me and was terrified of losing her again.
Fast forward the gran got wind I wouldn't allow him in the house properly, so she of course started inviting him round without me knowing and the boy raped my daughter as the gran let them drink alcohol.
I eventually found out and went to the police, the boy got charged but the gran denied being in the house! She got away with it!

I really hate this woman, she blamed my daughter for it happening (she was fucking 12)! Yet my daughter still wanted to see her!? She lived a 5 minute walk so it caused so many issues.

To cut a very already long story short my daughter ended up in care June 2023 at 13 years old, as I could no longer cope with it all. The lying, fighting, going missing, smashing buildings up and being brought home by police, you name it, she done it.

I broke my heart with it all. I never signed anything as it was only supposed to be voluntary and temporary. However my child has realised being in a children's unit gets her exactly what she wants. Staff can't stop her from leaving, she can access drugs, alcohol, do whatever she wants! She was suppost to go into a secure unit in June this year but the soft Scottish law said "give her another chance" even though at 14 years old since being out of my care she has slept with 8 men, had STIs, went missing for full weekends, done cocane, had drug dealers after her.
The social workers have been a joke! I've lost my shit with them. They judge me not being able to cope with her but what have they done to actually keep her safe or improve her?? NOTHING!
I found a recording on my child's phone of a social worker speaking about me to her and her gran in an unprofessional manner and nothing got done. Her other social worker was caught being off sick meanwhile conducting a business on Facebook and the ONLY reason she was caught by me is because she served my friend one of her products and spoke about her job! Not my actual case but gave her name etc! Again, nothing got done, when I complained!

Worst bit now, if you got this far is in July 2024 the gran got her so drunk on access outing my daughter passed out in a pub and had to go to hospital! The gran denied who she was and wouldn't comply with the paramedics! Police finally charged her with supplying alcohol to a minor (which apparently she was doing alot) and child endangering. SHE STILL SEES MY DAUGHTER!
I haven't saw my daughter properly since February this year. I am living on edge and told I can't see her as we don't get on.

I have NO charges and never have had for child abuse to her. This woman still has!

Social work and her lawyer, along with children panels have worked against me. It doesn't matter what I do, they won't listen. It doesn't matter what the reports say or anything to the point I'm actually paranoid thinking are people being paid to cover up ALL the mistakes and neglect they have done?? "She is close to her gran, we need to maintain that relationship as she has nobody else" ARE THEY JOKING? SHE HAS ME AND HER DAD AND BROTHER!

There is another panel on the 29th and I'm just about to give up. I can't do this anymore. I'm not who I used to be. I have a lawyer finally and she doesn't understand any of this and how it's got this far.

I hurt every night and miss my daughter, she hates me. Drinking, drugs and being allowed to see a woman who allowed her to be raped and drunk to the point she needed to go to hospital won't be helping that!

What do I do here?? Seriously? How can this actually be allowed??

Thanks for reading.

So sorry to hear your having such a hard time. I also live in Glasgow and previously worked in social work reception so I definitely get where you are coming from with them failing and covering up. Some of them aren't fit for the job.

I agree with a poster previous who suggested possible adhd related behaviour. I was a wild teen underage drinking, sex, bad behaviour. It was never my family fault it was mild level bullying and bad behaviour to fit I and once I started I felt I had keep up the persona.

Currently she probably thinks her gran is so cool lettingbher do what she wants so won't want to come home. I would try stay in communication with her even just a text a week to say your here for her and love her. Don't talk about the gran (who sounds like an old c@#t) you will only push her closer to her. Just keep the text neutral so she knows you are always there.

Concentrate on yourself and your son right now. Keep communication open and don't stop fighting your case with them. Stay calm, don't get personal and do everything through email so you have a chain of proof.

People would have wrote me off as ending up some underage teen mum with nothing going for her and I can promise I lead the most boring normal life with no drama so there is hope for wayward teens as long as they know they can go back to home and not be judged.

Sending you love 💜

@RaeMumsnet Thankyou and I don't expect other posters to give me too much however it's lovely some have xx

@ everyone else and last 2 posters recently again thankyou so so much xx

Also my last statement 'some underage teen mum' I didn't mean that to come across as so offensive sounding, apologies.

Please don't apologise, I had my first at just turned 18! Really appreciate your posts x

This is really good advice. Lots of love to the OP - this is such a difficult time but just keep communication open and let your daughter be aware that you, her dad and brother are still there for her x

This so so sad to read. As others have posted, my gut reaction and first suggestion is to look after yourself and your son.

Keep a warm, safe, protective environment in your home. Stay calm with your daughter whenever you see her and try to speak to her with respect. At her age she thinks she knows everything (mine does!), and will enjoy the attraction of drinking and bad company, but when things settle down - which they inevitably will at some stage - there's a very good chance she'll want to come home, especially if it's a safe, welcoming place.

Take care OP and well done for reaching out for support- it takes a lot of courage x

So sorry you are going through this. As someone who lives fairly near you and sees the constant police missing posts for the same young girls who have absconded from care I'm not surprised sadly at the lack of proper care she is getting 😢 The main thing you need to focus on right now is getting your own mental health improved for you and your son.

I'm so sorry, this must be so hard.

Please stay strong for the sake of your son, and the dog. I know you are hurting so much, and I totally don't blame you for feeling so low. However, I know you can get past this.

Your daughter will get older and I sincerely hope wiser. She will one day see what a terrible influence her grandmother has been on her life.

I just want you to be around for when that happens.

Please get all the help you can for your and your son's mental health and I really hope you will hang on in there.

XXXX

To everyone of you who have replied to me tonight, it's helped, please know that.

During this year I have ended up with 2 police warnings for going mental at the gran (would you believe this?) So I am trying to outlet on other ways because that bitch isn't taking my job and everything else away from me!

You have all been really helpful and made me realise I'm not mad. I know I'm not but to hear it from neutral people who don't know me is essentially lifting!

I hope you all have a good night and if I could help anyone on here with advice on other things I would x

Dear OP

My daughter was 15 when my narc mother caused a hell of a lot of trouble for us. My daughter is now 20 and has no contact with us. She calls child services all the time on us and has made our lives a living nightmare. Honestly I love her with everything I have but she has driven me near insane. I pray one day she will wake up and know we are here.

My mother is a true narc and loves drama. She is a very skilled liar and on the war path for me and my family. She is determined to destroy me end of story. The lies she has told social services are beyond insane. Even they are like we are sorry to investigate but we have to.

I pray things get better I have considered suicide but it isn't worth it.

Love always.

I don't have any advice, sorry (no children myself), but I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Like others have said, hopefully your daughter will come to her senses in time. Sending you hugs.

Can i openly recommend no contact with Gran. They use it against you to make you look crazy. It sucks