Bipolar

[screwloose77]

It has suddenly become clear to me that I very likely have this. I've had long term mood swings for as long as I can remember. ADs were prescribed after the birth of my child and I was long term sober but it didn't really help. I started adhd meds on top a few years ago and that is when the wheels started to come off. Manic behaviour in terms of my mood, behaviour and spending and ending my marriage and making very big and life changing decisions. At that point I was manic for months and months and sexually impulsive and risky behaviour. I started to crash after six or so months and became very very unwell and burnt out. This has led to worse family situation and now financial crisis and my own.

My adhd psychiatrist has referred me to a more general psychiatrist and my doctor has been useless and repeated MINT referrals denied.

The more I read the more certain I am esp as it is in my family. Cousins etc. I have been so out of control for a year and it has led to some very serious issues. Legal. And now I'm just on the floor.

I need a hand hold. I feel so sad and so alone with the trauma and realisation that this has been the case for a long time and I've effectively worsened it via medication (which I cannot function without) but has exacerbated the bipolar symptoms and episodes. Where I go from high functioning to manic or very low mood and cannot move for days.

If anyone has advice I would be very grateful.

Im so sorry you’re feeling this way. My understanding is it is very common for people with bipolar to be undiagnosed for many years and frequently diagnosed with depression etc. first before a definite episode of mania is observed. It’s great you have been referred to a psychiatrist. They will be best placed to help you. Do you know how long the waiting time for the referral is?

I'm trying to make an appointment now. Privately as cannot seem to get anywhere with my doctor. A friend suggested turning up to a&e but a) I don't think I appear crazy enough and b) not sure what they would actually do. I started DBT therapy today. Reduced my SSRI again as that was not helping remotely and I couldn't function. I feel broken and like my life has spun out of control and trying to keep my fear under control is not easy.

Hi OP, sorry you are struggling so much at the moment.

I wouldn’t think it was a good idea to go to A&E unless you are actively suicidal and feel that you can’t keep yourself safe.

Have you tried ringing 111 option 2 to speak with to the MH team? They should be able to advise you on the best way forward.

Best of luck x

Am I correct in thinking you’ve asked your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist because you have depression with a family history of bipolar and feel you have had symptoms of mania and your GP has said no they will not refer you?

If you truly believe you have bipolar then it does need to a psychiatrist that would be needed to consider that diagnosis and rule out others. PP suggestion to call 111 and ask to speak to mental health support is a good idea if you cannot speak to another GP in your surgery for a second opinion.

Taking antidepressants alone without a mood stabiliser is a recipe for risking inducing mania or hypomania in someone with bipolar.

I’m pretty sure NICE guidelines say that a referral to psychiatrist is to be offered for someone with depression who has had periods of unusually high mood or risky behaviour lasting 4 days or more at a time. We can be sure we have all the relevant information that your GP has available to make their decisions but you can certainly ask for a second opinion or call 111.

It's very common for people with bipolar to take many years to get a diagnosis. My GP only really listened once I had been arrested during a manic episode brought on by antidepressants.

My advice would be go to the GP armed with a list of each period of depression/mania/normal mood you've had over the past couple of years. Write down how long each approx lasted.
Tell them it's impacting your life considerably.
If they refuse to refer you then ask to see a different GP.

• can’t that should say

I've asked about four times since Jan. Called crisis. Spent money on private assessments. Thinking it adhd and anxiety. I've had some of the worst shit this year and almost certainly worsened by all meds and stress. And she literally wouldn't refer me until I went on ADs (I came off them bc I was scared of myself). I'm going to go and see this psychiatrist and try again Monday. All they do is make appointments for three weeks time.

I definitely qualify here

I would try 111. See where that gets you.

if you do need to go back via GP then I would fill in online form rather than speaking to someone.
I find turning the question round often works. Ask what’s stopping them referring you for an assessment for bipolar? You have a family history, You believe you have had sustained periods of risky, manic behaviour and you’re aware that taking antidepressants alone without a mood stabiliser is not recommended when bipolar is a consideration.

That's a very good point. I'm scared to write down all the things that have happened since I started adhd meds on top of sertraline. It's so much and the horror of it is overwhelming. I'm also going through some very difficult life events which are adding to the anxiety and I can barely cope with the day to day and writing it all down feels impossible without losing it.

I've just spent an hour reading about it all on Reddit and I feel so emotional. I can see why people commit suicide. The manic behaviour and then the shame. It's all I feel... guilt and shame for my very public outbursts and the consequences have been life changing for me.

Cannot talk to anyone. The shame of it all and my lack of coping is too much. I have nothing I can say to anyone. I'm going to lose my home. I've lost work. I've lost all my friends virtually. I've done things that have had me arrested. I'm the last person anyone wants to see or spend time with. I'm completely isolated. I feel guilty that I've torched my family's life and stability. Hyper sexuality has traumatised me and created more problems. I feel like I will never recover from the shit I've done and the damage and the financial crisis I'm in. I'm so scared.

Hi OP, I’m so sorry that you are in such a difficult place at the moment. Please remember that things can and will get better however difficult it is to believe now.
If you do have bipolar than you are mentally ill and you definitely don’t have anything to feel guilty about.
You wouldn’t feel guilty about falling over if you had a broken leg and it’s the same with your reckless spending, sex etc.
Please pursue the diagnosis and then you will get the help/medication etc to stop the manic episodes.
Good luck xx

I spoke to 111 and they are chasing a referral from early Oct and said something about a week for a psychiatric assessment and review meds. I've no idea how realistic that is. It was a long call. Thanks for everyone who answered last night I really appreciate it, as I am feeling so scared.