Really struggling 10 months pp

[mkwar]

I feel silly saying it because I am almost a year pp, i had what you would call a traumatic birth and I don't feel like my body's ever recovered nor has my mental health! But I do have a lovely little boy and I wouldn't change anything for the world.

However I am massively struggling with my emotions, I have a heavy feeling in my chest 24/7 7 days a week, it's a horrible feeling makes me feel rage and anxiety and sadness all in one, I have a partner who has in the past let me down by not helping as much as he should specifically with ds, I am struggling with my physical health as a result my body feels like it giving up on me, I have an overwhelming feeling of being completely alone in a crowded space, I never feel like I get a break or can switch off. Its got to the point where I can't sleep at night the slightest noise wakes me and then I am awake for hours or I have difficulty getting to sleep I have the sundown scaries every night, my ds isn't sleeping well anymore either so that doesn't help. This feeling is consuming my everyday life, I fear it's affecting as a mum, it doesn't feel like it's ever going to get any better. I also want more children in the future but I don't know if I can do this again!

I am exhausted mentally and emotionally, I have mouth ulcers all the time my lips are chapped and cut and sore, I always feel weak sick headaches ect, I just feel like I can't catch a break and I'm overwhelmed with sadness or anger all the time. (Never anger towards ds just to add)

I don't really know what the point of this post was but has anyone felt this? How did you overcome it? This has been the feelings I have had mostly since my ds was 4 weeks old but this is the most intense it has ever been. I feel I am always on the verge of a breakdown. Just looking for some insight really and hope xx

Aw pet firstly congratulations on baby boy and secondly please contact your doctor there is no shame in these feelings pregnancy childbirth and then motherhood in a short space of time is overwhelming and everything takes a beating , sounds like you may be experiencing pnd so please contact your doctor in the morning please just know this is very common and you are not alone ok 💜

You sound like you're run down.

I suggest you visit your Dr for a checkup to see if you're deficient in vitamins or if there's something else going on. You can also talk about your feelings.

You can also speak to your health visitor.

I would start taking a good multivitamin and vitamin D as well as making sure I had a good nutritious diet. Magnesium might help with your sleep and anxiety.

@mkwar
You need to speak to you Dr for some support, but your dp will also need to step up.

I was struggling and we have no local help, dp is great but it was still hard. I put ds in daycare one day a week and wow, it's done wonders.
I am not sure if this is affordable to you but it's been worth every penny for me.

You've already taken a massive step by acknowledging how you feel here, which is the hardest part.

My PPA peaked at 9/10 months. I was coasting by on autopilot and kept how I felt to myself until eventually crashing at 15/16 months and I was signed off work to let me manage it. I honestly made myself ill keeping it to myself and with the benefit of hindsight I should have reached out sooner.

My GP and health visitor have both been massively supportive so recommend speaking to one or both of them. I'm on sertraline which has taken the edge off then I registered for CBT therapy which has been really helpful. I honestly feel like a massive weight has lifted.

Perhaps also look into pandas. They run regular support groups but also have a WhatsApp helpline that you can just message for immediate support or a chat to get things off your chest. They were so lovely with me, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend them.