Calming your nervous system

[BettyHarper]

Do you have any lifestyle suggestions to help calm an overactive nervous system? I’ve been struggling with anxiety (worse just before period) ongoing neck and shoulder pain/body tension, holding my breath, jump very easily at sound/movement, digestion issues, feeling overstimulated, crying very easily. I feel exhausted sometimes.

I’ve made some changes the last few months that are helping: cut down my workload for a while, yoga nidra, exercise, cut out alcohol & caffeine, socialising much less.

I had a difficult time trying to conceive for 9 years which affected my MH. I do feel at peace (mostly) about not having a child now though. I had an ectopic pregnancy which nearly killed me and left me infertile, was fobbed off by 3 GPs until I was rushed into theatre. It was traumatic. Had a late miscarriage years later, was induced at hospital but the doctor and nurse were so supportive, this was a very different experience, but very sad. IVF failed every time. We didn’t have a very good support network during this time and my DPs parents are disappointed that we haven’t given them a grandchild. I think they’d be happy if my partner found someone new. I have had some counselling but feel I need to try to move forward by myself now. I felt like a failure for a long time but trying to be kinder to myself about that.

I’d love to know what’s helped you. I feel silly asking as there’s no exact science but how long did it take for you to feel better, what lifestyle changes did you make? I’m in a place of waiting for the next awful thing to happen, and frightened I will completely fall apart because I don’t feel strong. I want to feel more hopeful, less scared, and more resilient, so when the next bad thing happens I’m better able to cope.

Thanks for any words of advice.

I think it's great that you are looking to do this, and it is a way forward. This video might be relevant

The trouble is a lot of the suggestions will sound trivial or trite, but they are in fact far more evidence based than most of the drugs and therapies, and will work better if you do them consistently. I would start from the top of this list and if you can do one thing, that will help, if you can do three, even better. A 5 minute daily paced breathing practice Increase time in nature (patterns in nature and the sounds of birdsong etc are particularly pleasant and relaxing to us) Spend time with pets for co regulation of nervous systems Don't forget to feed the achievement/drive system by working towards small meaningful goals Connect with friends Draw your attention to 3 things you are grateful for every day, and set an intention, however small, for the next day (and attitude, self compassionate action, or goal) Watch things that bring laughter or awe Try some resources from here https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/

EMDR on your trauma may be of help too 💐
All the best with moving forward.

Thank you so much for replying and for sharing this video. I relate to a lot of it and it’s helpful. I like the idea of just doing one or two things consistently and seeing if it helps. I guess it takes time to form new habits and make more positive connections in the brain, makes sense to keep it small/achievable rather than trying to make too many changes at once.
I have never tried EMDR but have heard positive things about it. Would be great to hear of any first hand experiences and if/how it helped.

Look into vagus nerve, lots of research, videos on YT.
There is an exercise where you can lie down and move your eyes from side to side, immediately calms me down

I found guided body scan meditation and tapping really helped. It all sounded rather 'woo' when I was introduced to it, but it worked!

Oh OP, very sorry to hear of the difficult journey you have been on 😣

I know exactly what you are talking about in terms of resilience. I have been through some really tough times and I remember the feeling of just crumbling at my very core.

I also embarked on a journey of self-healing ( I am still on it) and trying to improve resilience. I have found first and foremost, lots of little small things add up over time in terms of fusing your amour back together again. For me, it was about putting myself first, building in lots of small things to do for myself. So things like:

• going to bed early and reading my favourite book
• doing puzzles
• prioritising sleep including as many naps as I could fit it- I was amazed how absolutely and utterly exhausted I was
• reading self-help books
• listening to empowering podcasts
• spending quality time with DH
• writing down my thoughts in a journal
• booking aromatherapy/reflexology/ acupuncture
• spending time with good friends and people and cutting toxic ones out
• planning small treats in advance
• building in rest days
• spending time outside, fresh air and exercise

These might seem very simple but I can see I have made progress from where I was before. Still a way to go yet.

I still have days when faced with problems and I can feel that a breakdown is not far away and looming on the horizon. I have had a couple of mini-breakdowns recently. That is my cue to stop, withdraw and give myself some extra care.

Sending very best wishes your way 💐

Spend time in woodland. The dappled light, trees, soothing colours do absolute wonders for my mental health. As does a good brisk walk anywhere more natural. Do something crafty which keeps your hands and mind busy. Create playlists of uplifting music. Or music you loved in happier times. Make a cosy space in your house with nice lighting, soft blankets, scented candles if that's your thing and stack some books or magazines for some escapism. Go for a massage. Cleaning also works for me, physical exertion, satisfying and requires zero brainpower. Clean with headphones on.
Laughter, find some comedy on netflix and have a giggle.

Thank you so much for your replies, it’s good to know I’m not alone, your suggestions are really helpful and appreciated.

@BettyHarper hi! How are you? Having the same issues are you x

Pilates

@starzz sorry to hear of your struggles. I had a lot of therapy this year which helped enormously. I have ptsd from past medical experiences (mentioned in my first post) so it was validating to know this, and that I'm not crazy, and that it should have been dealt with properly at the time.

I think it's currently a tricky time with perimenopause, with feelings of grief and failure for not being able to have children mixed into that. The therapy was so helpful, it wasn't just talking therapy, but other techniques like visualisation, somatic breathwork, and eft tapping. I am really prioritising my wellbeing now over everything else. I better understand the things that cause me to feel anxiety, and that they aren't actually dangerous, just uncomfortable. This mantra has helped me a lot, and letting go of the things I can't control/the feeling that I need to know the outcome of things that worry me. Everything is a work in progress though and takes conscious effort but I do feel much better. I hope you find the right support to help you. x