Feel like I’m spiralling.

[Onslow1985]

History of 5 miscarriages. Depression/anxiety which stemmed from the experiences. Counselling really helped me and I’ve been really trying to have a positive outlook and it was working until this week. Not sure what’s happened but I am spiralling worrying about family issues out of my control (my mum is having issues with her long term partner). My friend is due to have her baby any day so maybe that is in the back of my mind and I’ve had to come off social media as I am comparing myself against everyone else’s perfect looking family lives, looking gorgeous etc.
Struggling to sleep, shake the anxiety in the chest and concentrate on anything else. Not sure what I want from posting this just struggling this week.
I feel like I need a week in bed to get over this.

Sending hugs OP 💐 please be kind to yourself these feelings will pass but it can be a tough battle getting through each day. I have a copy of The Mountain poem (below) on my phone, I often read it when the minute/hour/day is becoming too much to deal with at that moment. I hope it is of help to you too xx

THE MOUNTAIN

If the mountain seems too big today then climb a hill instead If the moming brings you sadness It's OK to stay in bed If the day ahead weighs heavy and your plans feel like a curse, there's no shame in rearranging dont make yourself feel worse. If a shower stings like needles and a bath feels like you'll drown, if you havent washed your hair for days. dont throw away, your crown.
A day is not a lifetime a rest is not defeat dont think of it as failure, just a quiet kind retreat.
It's OK to take a moment from anxious, fractured mind the world will not stop tuming while you get realigned The mountain will still be there when you want it in your own time, just love yourself til then.

Author: Laura Ding-Edwards

HI love, I'm here, I'm listening.
It's shit
It's really shit, it's your dream of a baby, a life.
It runs deeply in you
I'm so sorry.

Thank you for your lovely words. I’m normally great with dealing with all of this, honestly I’ve come really far over the years. This week im struggling to shake the sad feelings away. Everything feels really shit, when I’m like this I obsess & convince myself I’m an awful person with nothing going for me. Look back on things from years and years ago and beat myself up. I don’t know what it is. I usually struggle on the build up to my period but it’s not that time of the month. I’m having friends over tomorrow and usually that cheers me up but all I want to do is climb in bed and not see anyone. My husband has went away for the weekend and usually I love my own space but feel like I need him glued to me, which I’ve never needed before.