Hi, I need to talk this out as it all a mess an I know it’s all wrong.
My bf of 6 years left me in June due to him wanting a child. We have always been good and he’s been a good step dad to both my 2 kids and one was a baby at 6 months and has loved them like his own.
however haven’t been all that easy due to I left my kids dad and very quickly bumped into a relationship with him after he also ended his relationship the same time as me and my ex. My ex was abusing and we have been back and fourth with court and I have been there due to my kids as there dad doesn’t help. I am a very good mother, I have been struggling with help for my son with severe ASD and adhd I too of studying and going into a district nurses team. Iv had ALOT on. My ex who isn’t the kids dad wanted his own kids and I wasn’t too sure due to I loved him and loved what I had but I always felt he had control issues and was very selfish too so never felt I could have a child with him because he is a very selfish man too.
we broke up in June but he still wanted to see my kids and we was still doing family things and sleeping together so not really properly broke up. He came on holiday that I payed for and made it clear he didn’t have to support me and he still wanted to come for the kids. I then started to realise I missed him regardless of how controlling he can be and wanted a child with him but he wouldn’t get back with me because he thought I was just saying it but he still stayed around and acted like we was together and I wasn’t taking the pill as I was wanting to get pregnant. Anyways as I knew I would catch pregnant and the week I knew I would of bought pregnant we fell out and he told me he didn’t love me anymore and I freaked and panics and did the most maddest thing I have ever done but I brought a fake pregnancy test and it came that week I knew in a few week I would t of tested positive but because he told me he didn’t love me I wanted to hold onto him and I have him a fake pregnancy test. He freaked out and the day later told me he thought it was dodgy etc and I was so scared what to do so I denied it. A week later I did find out I was pregnant as I always have fell pregnant very easily. He obviously didn’t believe me. I didn’t know what to do so went through with an abortion at home through BPAS. He still didn’t believe I had an abortion even though I asked him to do it with me. Two weeks later I evened up at his home in his bed and the the last 4 weeks we was acting like we was together again and nothing had happened previously saying we now want a baby together. I told him in the next 5 years I want to see up with a child as in where do we see each other in 5 years time so really I was hoping to start trying asap. He went mental and said he wasn’t waiting 5 years and completely misunderstood what I was saying.
I then admitted in regards to the fake test but told him I did genuinely find out I was pregnant and I know it was a stupid moment of madness because i was scared to loose him when infact he did still love me and want me back. My heads been messed with so many emotions too and we are now completely over.
I was rushed into hospital over the weekend due to a leg dilation and may need an operation but he was so angry he had to help me with my kids as I was unable to leave hospital. He was angry he had to look after my dog that he called a “thing”. I on ow what I did was wrong but I just feel like I can’t believe how messed up everything has become. He completely cut me off after this with the hospital and he seen the pain I was in and didn’t show a care in the world. I know what I have done is wrong but all I can feel from him all the time is control.