Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Abuse.

8 replies

Dogcraz · 07/11/2024 21:58

Hi all, I posted a few weeks ago about my abusive ex partner, he was still living in the house at the time and things were awful, he chipped away at me constantly, begging for another chance but I didn’t give in this time and he eventually moved out, just to give you a bit of backstory, I finally had enough when he blew up at me while we were out in the car, it was all over the fact that I didnt want sex in the early hours of the morning resulting in him sulking and just generally being vile. And in the car he said he pesters for it because he has to or he’d never get it. That was finally it for me, he’s always had terrible mood swings, sulks, very narcissistic and has been like this on and off throughout our 20 year relationship. Since he’s moved out I’ve had endless txts, calls, apologies, the usual ‘ I’ll change’ ‘ I’m so sorry’ etc. And for the most part I’ve not replied, but I have occasionally when he reverts back to usual and txts me things like ‘ how could you do this to me’ ‘ im gutted’ ‘ you never thought anything of me’ saying that all he’s ever done is put me and the kids first etc. anyway fast forward to now and things aren’t quite as awful but I feel completely and utterly worn out, I had a complete breakdown at work today, literally sobbing, and then had a panic attack. It’s all just too much. One of the staff at work was wonderful and I appreciate her so much but I just don’t know what to do, I feel ill with exhaustion and I’m struggling a lot. I’ve had support from women’s aid and I’ve started seeing a therapist once a fortnight to help, but I feel so unbelievably low and I don’t know what to do. If you got to the end of this thank you ❤️

OP posts:
whatsoccuringnow · 07/11/2024 22:22

I'm so sorry to hear this. You have done so well to stand up and not accept this abuse anymore. It's very difficult. I'm 2.5 years in and going through a horrific divorce off the back of it. I'm still traumatised. But he hasn't changed and I'm safe. Get legal advice and keep all texts etc. Take care of yourself and keep up the counselling

username7891 · 07/11/2024 22:29

I would start using a co parenting app and block him on your phone. I'd also see the GP about your mental health regarding medication.

Squiggles23 · 07/11/2024 22:33

Well done OP !! You’ve been so strong and it’s no wonder it’s exhausting and overwhelming.

Stuff will get easier you just need to give yourself lots of time. Can you get signed off work for a couple of weeks? Try and focus on the kids and Christmas.

Dogcraz · 07/11/2024 23:11

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply I appreciate it so much when I’m feeling this low, luckily the kids are older 19 and 14 ( will be 20 and 15 in Feb) so he can contact them directly and vice versa, I was thinking of going to the drs but I’m already on a high dose antidepressant that I actually take for anxiety and have done for years, i also thought of taking some time off work but I can’t really afford to and I feel like it keeps me busy, even though I’m struggling to get out of bed most days, I am showing up for work everyday. Thank you again ❤️

OP posts:
Squiggles23 · 07/11/2024 23:15

Yes sometimes having a routine helps I completely understand that. I think all you can do is be super kind to yourself and have as much home comforts as possible.

Are you able to block him for a while? Or mute his messages so they don’t pop up?

Dogcraz · 07/11/2024 23:25

That’s so kind @Squiggles23 ❤️. I actually did block his number because he was driving me mad!!!! But I couldn’t stop looking at my phone ( I know that sounds crazy) i genuinely don’t want to hear from him or know what he’s doing, but it feels like im so used to his horrible behaviour that im just waiting for it to happen. Even though I know he can’t be horrible if he can’t contact me, I hope that makes some sense

OP posts:
Squiggles23 · 07/11/2024 23:43

Yes it’s really hard, it’s a feeling as if you are missing some important news. I think this is why some people delete the number after break ups but it’s not that easy after 20 years!!

Maybe trying to put your phone away altogether is a good option and find something to do like a craft or a crossword when you are relaxing so that your mind is occupied.

Have you got some therapy sessions lined up? I think trying to process it all will be really key.

Dogcraz · 08/11/2024 10:44

@Squiggles23 Thank you ❤️ I have seen a therapist a couple of times, I’ll be seeing her fortnightly as I can’t afford weekly and NHS waiting lists are awful. That’s a great idea about putting the phone away and then distracting myself I’ll definitely try that. Thank you

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page