Handhold - really struggling today

[KurtCobainLover]

Please can I ask for handhold. I have bipolar that has never really stabilised. I have a review with the psychiatrist on the 25th as I'm really anxious and depressed and I think they will put me on lithium which I'm scared of due to possible side effects but I can't continue like this. I'm a single parent to two teens and it's just not fair of them at the moment.

I'm in work and have loads of deadlines but just can't focus to do it and feel like I want to run away and go home but can't as theres things that need doing today that only I can do.

I just don't know how to get through the day. When I get home there's the normal things of dinner, homework and clubs to get through plus I need to do some housework and go up in the loft and get a couple of bits before they come to clear it tomorrow.

Handhold please?

Sorry to hear this dear OP. My dad had schizophrenia ( I know its not the same, I am not comparing ) so I know a little bit about the struggles of mental illness...

Firstly: Your children loves you & they know that your condition its not your fault. ♥️

Now, as a grown up...sometimes I wonder how my dad powered through with work etc. in between the episodes/ hospital stays and my heart goes out to him. It must have been so difficult for him....

Anyway...

I'd try to take it easy today. Quick to do list - brain dump. Then get the most important things that must be done today ( tidy up the whole house is def not one of them 😉) on the top of the list & put time estimate next to each task. Do whatever you can. Don't try to be ambitious today. Just the bare minimum for today.

Reschedule what you can for next week/ after your doctor's appointment when you're in a better mindset.

Take it easy. Be kind to yourself. Maybe try to talk to someone re this? Sorry I don't have any more wisdom to share. Sending love ❤️

I’m here. It sounds like you have a very busy life, do you find time for yourself? A bit of self care is so important.
I can understand your concern about lithium. I’ve not tried it although it was suggested at one point for me. I guess it’s like any medication, you don’t know until you try it?
I hope the day passes quickly for you and you can relax a bit after work once your jobs are done x

Thank you for the replies. I'm sat at my desk trying not to cry. I have so much to do but just can't cope with doing it.

I'm trying to take it one minute at time and hold on until I can get home but it's so hard. My manager knows that I'm struggling at the moment and has reduced my workload / bought in extra help but there's only so much I can handover.

My teens are normally at their dads a couple of nights a week but he's been away with work a lot recently so I haven't had any alone time which isn't helping.

Can you take today off - sick?

For kiddos - I'd order pizza and explain to them that you need x amount of time
for yourself tonight and that you will be in your room if there is something important they need.

Can you explain to them that you had a busy day & you just need to rest for a bit in silence/ your own company?

I made it through the work day and have dropped biggest DC off at her club and youngest is upstairs doing homework so I have a bit of much needed downtime. I’ve done the 3 day old washing up and am ignoring the rest of the housework. I just need to make it through to my psychiatrist appointment on the 25th.

Just thought I'd update on here. I woke up yesterday feeling as if a weight had lifted and have been in an up mood ever since. I have loads of energy, can't stops talking and have been super efficient at work. Sounds good but this is normally the start of hypomania for me which always ends up getting me into bad situations or going even further down when it wears off.....

I have an app on my phone that the mental health team signed me up for which monitors my state and its indicated that I'm heading towards mania which fun fuckingtastic.

I hate having this horrible horrible illness where I can't even be happy without worrying about hypomainia.

I know if I call the mental health team they'll tell me to hold on until the psychiatrist review on the 25th and I don't think the GP can do anything.

Just tried calling the GP to get an emergency appointment and they are on red alert so can't give me put me on the urgent list (they are normally really good) and said I should call 111 but the recorded message for them says it's for when you're in crisis but I'm not sure I am (yet). I just need something to bring me down before I go too up - normally they give me olazapine and diazipam (can't spell that).

Not sure what to do - I'm terrified of going really up.

I plucked up the courage to call the mental health team and they were lovely. They put me through to my old care coordinator who remembered me and talked me down a bit. She's going to talk to the psychiatrist about getting some short term medications and will call me back by the end of the day.