How to deal with the worry of TTC

[Ri1991]

Hi all

I am a 33 year old man (hoping to be a dad but not feeling optimistic about it). My OH is nearly 36 and we are about to start TTC in the next month or two we are waiting for some tests to be completed due to a health problem she has.

I'm extremely worried about the fact this may not happen due to age and that time isn't on our side and it's consuming me entirely. She doesn't seem to be bothered, constantly claiming people in her family have had babies in mid 30s to 40s. But the fact she has smoked for 20 odd years and her age is giving me crippling anxiety that it's not going to be an easy road, if it's even possible. Sorry if this is insensitive, I really don't mean to be. I know typically it's the women who go through this but I desperately want to become a dad and unsure if I can see a fulfilling life without this.

I've been lurking and I know there are many on this forum who are dealing with this worry and I guess I'm hoping someone has any advice for me? I'm currently in therapy but it's not particularly helping as of yet. Despite the fact my therapist is making a lot of sense and tells me there's nothing I can do but just wait and start.

I’m sorry OP it is such a worrying time. When we started trying for our daughter last year my husband & I both felt like this, we both desperately wanted a baby and the worry of “what if it doesn’t work” can be overwhelming! I think that’s really normal! Therapy is a good move and can be really helpful. What we both did was try to stay busy and keep our minds distracted, and every month for the time my period would have been due we planned something nice for us so that even if my period arrived we had something to look forward to and take our mind off it. All you can do is try your best to hit the correct dates each cycle, and once you’re past ovulation try to put it out of your mind as much as possible. Also remember even if you time it perfectly and there are no issues there is still only a 15% chance per cycle at 36, so not conceiving in the first few months isn’t a sign of trouble it is honestly just a game of odds to an extent. Good luck to you both OP x

@Mrsttcno1 thanks for your kind words. I know it's just a game of probability in most cases so there's a chance I'm worrying about nothing in the end but it's so hard not to worry. That's a good idea I think I'll make sure we have something nice planned for that weekend every month. Thanks again