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Sister constantly complaining

2 replies

DonAli · 05/11/2024 07:58

Hi I’ve had problems on and off with anxiety and depression. I hate not being able to help ppl I love and I can’t stop thinking about things. My sister for a long time now constantly complains about everything. Her job, her husband, how tired she is etc. I think she is depressed but she won’t admit it but she also won’t do anything to help her situation. She has worked in the same job for 18 years and says she absolutely hates it and will constantly text me on her shift telling me how bad she feels. However, apart from applying for a job once or twice a year she won’t do anything. She just keeps saying she can’t or she’s tried. I’m really at breaking point with it all. Everything is worse with her. She is more tired than anyone else, she works harder, she does everything etc then when she’s finished work she’s at home and she’s constantly texting she’s bored, she’s sick of being so bored , she says she has no friends or the friends she has don’t want to spend time with her because they never text her. It’s all just bringing me down and I feel bad thinking that way. I think she needs some sort of help because she is always always negative or tired and will not do anything to even try to get out. Sorry for the long post I just needed to get it out a bit.

OP posts:
ReadWithScepticism · 05/11/2024 08:06

Have you spoken to her about it? If you never have, then she might have become entrenched in the habit without any understanding of what it is doing to you - she might even be keen to change as soon as she does understand.

I think you need to rehearse a form of words that can make it clear to her what you have just said here. Something like 'Sister, I love you and I'm sorry to hear that so many things are hard in your life but, honestly, it doesn't seem to be helpful for you to ruminate about it so repetitively. And it is really starting to have a bad effect on me. We could support each other better if we spoke of the positive things in our life.

If she doesn't change after that, then try again with a more forceful set of words

Eyesopenwideawake · 05/11/2024 08:29

Turn it around "Sister, what would you like me to say? What would you say to me if I sent you this message? I want to help you but I need you to let me know how because if nothing changes, nothing changes. Love X"

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