I’m not living. I’m just existing

[blackheartsgirl]

3 years my dh has been gone (died July 21)
my mum has been gone for nearly a year

i have 4 dc, 2 adults and 2 teens. My eldest dd 22 has moved to Scotland with her bf and I barely see her and I miss her terribly. It’s also difficult to get up and see her as it’s a long way.

My ds has his own life with his own family and although we see each other every weekend he understandably has his own family as a priority

My two teens 14 and 17 are busy with their own lives.

no parents, extended family and few friends.

my teens do not want to do anything at all with me, I’ve tried and the logistics are such a nightmare ie organising things, their hobbies take up the weekend, they rely on me a lot for everything.. one has asd/adhd and even if we did do something together it turns into an argument between them, they have faces like smacked arsed or they are bored.

so I just don’t bother.

i rarely go out, I see friends going away, abroad, on holiday, day trips, concerts, nights out, meals out with their dhs or best friends and I just have another night in. I have gone to places on my own but it just isn’t the same.

Noone to tell things to, or hug, or chat too.

i do go to a craft group every wed which I enjoy so that’s something at least but even there the main topic on convo is their dhs or elderly parents or their social lives and then I just feel so lonely.

i am on meds but it doesn’t change the fact that im missing my mum and my dh terribly.

im only 47.

does anyone feel like this or am i the only sad sack

I don't feel like that but I can see that you are having an incredibly difficult time - a time of huge change and all of it sad. Menopause can also hit around your age which can just add to the mix of awfulness and make it difficult to move forward

It's great you have a craft group but you probably need more things long term - although with so much sad stuff so recent i could understand if that was too much at the moment - when you are ready - that might be soon

the children are growing up and developing independence - which is absolutely perfect - it feels sad but really that is a positive thing you have achieved

I understand. I think when you are on your own it seems as tho everyone you know is doing exciting stuff. They probably aren't.
But perhaps you should invite some friends round, or suggest drinks or dinner.
Sometimes you have to actually arrange things or you can be overlooked, it's human nature. Everyone thinks everyone else is OK.

Having a few good friends makes a world of a difference. I know it is hard, but try to invest time and effort into building a friendship.

Also your teens will grow out of bickering with each other. This is YOUR time now, seize it.

Sorry to hear this. I feel the same. Only have one child and he spends at lot of time with his girlfriend and her family. I feel that I'm boring for him to be at home with.
Lost my mum last year and miss her terribly.

I'm really sorry that you're struggling. I lost my Mum a few weeks ago and I miss her terribly, I can't imagine losing your DH at such a young age and no wonder you are so lonely. Do you work at all or anything? I know you may not feel in the right frame of mind but I always thought if I had the time I would do volunteer work as it would get me out to meet people. As it stands I don't have time myself but maybe something you could think about? I'm so sorry for your loss and I don't think people really understand, they check in once or twice and that's it!