Desperately seeking advice and help - coming across as aggressive but I don't hear what others do.

[Sheri73]

I have been with my partner for 15 years and I adore him so much but he has really suffered over the years being with me and I will do anything for him but I'm not a nice person. I have this awful side to me where I turn into a horrible person, I overreact to the most trivial and pathetic things, I speak before thinking and I'm coming across so aggressively without understanding why and I need help and advice to get it sorted or I will lose him. I did seek the advice of a therapist but due to not currently working and not starting a new job for a couple of weeks I need serious help and advice from people like me that managed to sort it and stop the awful trait. PLEASE PLEASE HELP

I suggest you see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis so you know what kind of therapy would be helpful.

I'm not trying to diagnose you but for example, if you have Borderline Personality Disorder, the treatment is DBT which helps you to learn strategies to cope with the symptoms.

If you're suffering from trauma, then trauma based therapy would be helpful.

Thanks for your reply. I have done this in the past and I have been diagnosed with depression many a time but they can find no other issues like those you kindly mentioned

Who has told you your behaviour comes across that way? Is it just your partner or also friends, family and colleagues?

Various people, partner, family and friends 😢

DBT techniques can cope with emotional coping/ being less reactive to triggers. My dbt is a good free website. Self compassion is often also helpful...like how can you make yourself feel as safe and cared for as possible..how can you move your nervous system from fight or flight into rest and digest (breathing techniques/ self care, meditation etc).meet your needs enough that you are not hungry, angry and over tired, this helps too.
It's brave to ask for help and recognise the behaviour.
Making time to practice the things that help might be tough but It will be so worth it. You could explore possible diagnosis options with your GP also. Sometimes community mental health teams offer emotional coping skills courses in referral.
Best wishes and be kind to yourself as you take responsibility for making these changes

How are you at work? Does this behaviour affect your relationships with colleagues?

I'm in between jobs currently, start a new one in 2 weeks but it has in the past. It gets me so down. I don't know where to turn

Thank you. I will definitely look at my dbt

I wonder if workplace coaching might be helpful? Either in-company or someone you know who is senior but who has worked with you in the past. If you are honest about your challenge, I suspect they might be grateful if you ask them to help you, with the benefit of their wisdom and experience.

And I wonder if perhaps a trauma therapist might be helpful... considering how our over-reactions may be there as a protective mechanism learnt from past trauma. Worth considering?

Sorry to be the one to ask the obvious question, but what was your childhood like?

I will try all suggestions. Thank you. I will look in to it x

Can you describe some of the behaviours people have found aggressive?

People have said I literally bite their head off in response or will just shout "what" aggressively if they call my name or ask a question or I shout and get defensive at anything said to me. It breaks my heart and makes me hate myself so much

I had a pretty good childhood. We didn't have much money but it was pretty good though my sister wasn't a very nice person to me

Are you on medication as sometimes antidepressants can soften your mood and make you less reactive?

There's always (almost) a reason why we behave the way we do. Can you remember a time when it was necessary to make your voice heard? Or, simply, do you know why you feel you have to speak like this?

(Oh, and have you had your hearing checked?).