I seem to just be completely *meh*

[Victoriancat]

I'm not really sure why.

I have a lovely, supportive husband, a little boy that's hard work sometimes but a joy to be a mother to, we've sorted his education with regards to low level sen needs etc.
I have a comfy house, I'm lucky.

But i feel so very meh. I'm 33, currently doing an Open University course, I've been told before to see about an adhd diagnosis due to how I work/study, I can't get any of my work done if someone isn't with me, I don't know why. I've struggled with Agoraphobia in the past and I prefer to be inside. I was diagnosed with ocd as a child at a very young age, it's not something that has bothered me since my mid 20s.

I used to be quite popular in our group of friends, they still all go out and party whereas I'm the only one married with a child, I go out with my mum on nights out such as music shows as we have a great relationship and a good laugh. I realised that that group of friends aren't very close and quite shallow. Me and my husband are gamers and readers who love to cook so we prefer to be inside doing that rather than going out for a meal or cinema.

I change how I look a lot, I always have, it seems to be one of the few things I have some sort of outlet with, I used to do modelling stuff and had fun with that but stopped as it was making me paranoid about how I look, basing my self worth on Instagram likes, just silly things like that. I end up spending far too much money on hair, clothes and all that jazz simply cos it seems to give my brain a happy buzz. Then a few weeks later I'll change it all again.

I've started going to the gym and I enjoy it, but life just feels a bit...flat? I'm very bored, tired, just feel like there has to be something more to life? I know I have a nice life and I'm very lucky, but I just always feel meh 😭

I am taking time for myself to do things for just me, like the gym etc, that aren't for anyone else, but it doesn't help. When my son is at school I'm on my own from 8.30 to 3.30 which can be boring sometimes but I don't mind most of the time. I just don't know what is wrong with me

Meh is most of life though? It's not nice to be on a constant roller coaster of dramatic happenings. Mindfulness might help?

I suppose so, just have that nice mental health thing we're you're not sure what is standard for other people and what isn't 😅 what would you recommend for mindfulness?