I feel like I’m drowning on land

[Classicone]

Im messaging on here as I feel I literally have no one to turn to. I am finding parenting so exhausting now & I don’t know what to do.
My son is six & since he started school two years ago I have really struggled with my mental health.
We are awaiting an ADHD assessment for him, which comes from him having seizures when younger. I’m struggling to get my head around having to potentially deal with a SEN diagnosis, how that will impact him in school & in life in general.
My son wakes early every morning (5am is the norm) & my first thought each day is ‘not again, I can’t do it.’
Every day is a constant rush, I feel stressed out before I even get out of bed & some days I have terrible headaches that take all day to shift.
I feel like every little thing is on my shoulders & it makes me snappy & irritable constantly.
I work part time in a care home which is very full on, but on a low income. Despite this I pay the majority of the household bills & expenses for my son (haircuts, school bits etc). My husband covers the mortgage & utilities but I feel resentful as he can afford to treat himself; whereas I can’t.
Our relationship is virtually non existent & has been since our son was born. We haven’t been intimate since I was pregnant & I feel unwanted, unloved & unattractive. I’ve tried talking to him about this but he says it’s normal for parents, & we’ll get it back ‘one day’.
I feel constantly worried about the future, about how I parent my son, if he’s going to be okay, about money, about my relationship (or lack of one). I feel like my mind is in a carousel that won’t turn off.
I genuinely only feel happy these days when I’m by myself, then I can just ‘be’.
Sorry for the long ramble but I need to get it off my chest.
is there anyone out there going through similar?

This sounds tough but also lonely OP. Clearly DH isn't being much of a companion and life partner right now. Do you have friends in RL?

I do think there is a kind of fairytale make believe about parenting which is certainly not the reality. It can be very tough, and lonely, particularly if you either don't have a partner, or have one who is oblivious to their spouses needs.

It sounds as though you have an awful lot going on here and very little support.

I don't know the answer but the financial one may be easier. What will happen if you say I need a contribution toward the bills as there is not enough money available out of my income?

If your son is up at 5am what time do you go to bed and sleep?

That sounds incredibly tough OP. I’m really sorry you’re struggling with all this.

You say “husband”. Does he not believe all money coming in is family money and should be divided accordingly? Why does he let you struggle if he has enough to treat himself? That’s not a marriage or a partnership…

I do have some lovely friends so in that respect I am lucky, but they are also parents that have a lot going on so I don’t feel I can talk to them, I wouldn’t like to add to their load too if that makes sense?
My husband does contribute financially, but it’s such a hassle to get him to pay more the argument isn’t worth it.