Help on the verge

[Tiredalldaynight]

Help and handhold needed. I have no one IRL to talk to.

I am on the verge of a breakdown. I can feel it happening to me. I'm a single parent and have a full time stressful job. I earn enough to provide a comfortable life and very lucky in that regard. So I work, look after DC, rinse and repeat. No real friendships. Toxic family and I'm low contact. No one checks on me. I miss my ex and I messed up our marriage.

I keep waiting for things to go back to normal. I don't know what happened the last few years. I feel like I've been living in a nightmare. I love my DC but ashamed of the shit life I've created.

My advice is to make an emergency GP appointment and get signed off work. Have a check up and discuss how overwhelmed you feel.

I would look into counselling. You can find a therapist at BACP.

Speak to the Samaritans, they're there 24/7 to talk. You can also contact NHS Direct option 2 for mental health support if you feel in crisis.

Thanks but I can't unravel my life like that. I just wish to wake up from this nightmare.

I can't afford to be out of a job or signed off sick so I'll have to get on with it.

I just miss my old life not being a single parent, being married and having a family.

I will never do counselling ever again. There are too many charlatans, mad idiots, qualified, registered but complete freaks and weirdos charging by the hour. The counsellor I had convinced me to leave my marriage and relished in it.

You need to see your GP. Why can’t you take time off work? Would you not be entitled to any paid leave? Have you thought about medication?

I would be entitled to sick pay but very likely to be put on a PIP if I did so. I don't want to go into the details but it's not really an option right now. Work is the only thing that is going right in my life.

I just don't know what to do to fix my life. I'm so lonely. I hate what life I've created for my DC and I.

It doesn't sound like you've created a shit life - you have a good job which pays well and you are bringing up your child as a single parent. Maybe leaving your marriage was not a great decision but maybe you're looking back on the marriage with rose-tinted glasses? Either way, we all make mistakes every now and then, sometimes bad mistakes, but the trick is to move on from it and find the good in it. Is there anything about your life that you do like currently? Even something small like the view from a particular window? Or a nice bathroom? Or a friendly neighbour?

I think it could be worth a chat with the GP, not to get signed off work, but to talk about whether anti,-depressants might help.

Can you get outside at least once a day for a walk for half an hour or so? Also really important not to have a ceiling pressing down on you 24/7.

Yes I've messed up my life. All I wanted was a family and I messed up with my ex.

No one likes me or wants to be around me. No friendly neighbours they just ignore me. Everyone can make friends apart from me. My own family don't check on me despite my marriage ending three years ago. No one asks me if I'm OK.

Perhaps I will look into medication but I am scared of losing control of my emotions to medication.

You don’t lose control of your feelings medication. If anything, you gain better control. I think it’s worth a chat with the GP. I’m medication for MH issues and I think I’d be in a worse place without them. Please think about it. Take care x

Contact Gingerbread-an organisation for lone parents. When I first became a lone parent, I made lots of friends through Gingerbread and they also provide lots of info about other support available.