Does anybody here have any experience of overcoming fear of abandonment in relationships?
I have a bpd diagnosis. When I'm single I absolutely doubt this diagnosis, but when I'm in a relationship it's clear I have it because my trust is just non-existent, which manifests into paranoia, accusations and arguments.
In my current relationship, I am finally seeing improvement nearly 3 years in (the longest I've been with anyone because it always turns so toxic). I am finally starting to be able to push aside any intrusive thoughts, but I still have moments. Too many moments. If I can't push aside the thoughts, I will start questioning my partner. I dig deep to figure out why I do it, and I can't really explain it. It must just be that fear of abandonment, because when I think rationally, I know things are okay. It's just so hard to shake once it hits me. It can happen quite frequently, which isn't fair on anyone.
The only way I seem to really manage it is by trying to keep myself mentally/emotionally distanced from feelings in the relationship.. as soon as I let myself feel too much, or be too happy, it all starts happening again. This is all so unhealthy, especially in a long term relationship. (I guess that's the push/pull effect?)
I know CBT is the answer for this. But I'm not currently having, or on any waiting list, for CBT (it's something I really need to arrange). Does anybody have any good, solid tips for helping me with this?