Am I depressed?

[irratible]

I have a four month old and a 3.5 year old and when my older child is at nursery I feel fine- but the days when I have the two of them I feel like a horrible moany mum who is forever telling my older one off - I hear myself and think god you are no fun. My dd is a very bright lievley girl who can be very demanding and I just don't enjoy her - I am really strict with her and to be honest I don't feel like I want to interact with her - and the day is soooooo long. I take her to groups and go out every day - but I am not happy. Any advice would be appreciated as I don't feel like I like myself at the moment

Hi irratible. Sorry things are tough for you at the moment. I haven't much advice to offer I'm afraid (only one dd currently) but I just wanted to say that judging from most of my friend's experiences, it's quite normal to go through phases like this. It's really difficult to try and balance the differing needs of both dcs. I've got a friend going through the same thing currently and she feels constantly torn between their opposing needs and exhausted.

I've also read loads of threads on here where mums have said that in the initial months of having a new baby, they felt much more bonded to dc2 to the detriment of dc1. Again it's usually just a phase until things even out...

Can you get any more help with dd1 at the moment or send her to nursery school for a few hours longer to give yourself a bit of space?

I also don't have anything helpful to say other than agree with greyhairs, what you describe sounds normal, it doesn't make if fun or easy though so i don't mean to take away from how you feel. maybe there's more to it than you are saying specifically. Try not to brood over the idea of depression because anyone can find a million reasons to be depressed.
keep doing all the great things you are doing, accept any help offered and do things that make you happy!

Thanks so much for your posts - was so tired yesterday which never helps...can't help feeling guilty and that my dd is not getting the best of me.

they are extremely resilient little people. I have PND and I always worry how it will effect dd but I truely don't think she has a clue. And I'm sure your dd is healthy and happy and loves you to pieces.

My dd keeps asking me if I am happy - so she knows that I am not ! Thanks for making me feel a bit more normal.
Smallwhitecat - wow two ones so little - hats off to you