What does recovery look like to you?

[inthewoods4]

On paper, I’m getting better. Most days I’m able to do normal things, go to coffee with friends, go to dinner, concerts etc… but I also constantly think about how I’m feeling, often feel quite nervous and still have bad days. Can anyone relate to this in between stage, and does it one day become ‘the past?’

For thile chink of light comes when doing the good things (coffee with friends etc) doesn't then require careful management afterwards. So when I don't have to plan in an easy day to cope with life events is one passage out of the hole.

The next one comes when I can do more than 1 demanding thing in a day or two days in a row.

For me I think it takes about the same length of time to come out of the hole as it took to get in it. A few years ago I had a major depression starting in July by September I was off sick. At the beginning of December things started to lift. So 4 months to the dark place. I went back to work in January and it was Easter when I felt completely free from it so 4 months coming out. When I had my daughter I developed treatment resistant depression. 9 months into the episode I was hospitalised for 10 weeks. I went from mat leave to sick leave at 12 post partum, 11 months since depression started. I had 4-5 weeks fully off sick the 4 weeks at 2 days a week then 4 weeks at 3-4days. I found my limit dropped my limit to 4 days a week with a mid week day off. This allows me to live a fulfilled life with a rest day in the middle to keep me sane and stable. For the first year it was fully a rest day about the same length as the worst of the episode. For the last 2 years I can fit quite a bit into my day off but at a slightly slower pace than my work days

Thank you, I think I need to stop time keeping, I’m always thinking ‘I should be better by now’ etc, and I certainly am better than I was, I just want rid of the nerves in my tummy etc that remind me all the time to think about how I feel