How to get through being at rock bottom?

[Meirob]

I just feel like my life is completely falling apart. Split with my ex partner last year due to financial/emotional abuse which is still ongoing, figuring out how to parent my DS whilst also working full time.

i don’t have much support, so I am just seeing if anyone has any tips/tricks on how to get through a really tough time?

I just feel so alone

That sounds really tough. Some GPs offer 6 sessions of counselling under NHS - might that be worth pursuing if you have the time? A listening service like Family Lives might also help with a crisis point.

https://www.familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline#:~:text=Family%20Lives%20offers%20a%20confidential,(previously%20known%20as%20Parentline).

Have you friends or family you can lean on a bit more than usual for the moment?

I second getting some support. Good luck OP.

Why is the abuse still going on?

Daily exercise can help lift your mood. Then you may be more motivated and energised to make friends, who can support you through this tough time. Be open and honest with people. Don't ask too much of anyone - start small. There will be others nearby in a similar situation.

This is slightly random, but I found two things really helped.

1. A slow cooker. In the morning on the way out of the door I flung in raw meat & veg / rice / potatoes / whatever.
2. I plugged a couple of lamps into time switches so they came on when my DC / I came home.

This meant we both (& we both needed it) came back to a lit house that smelled good.

If you can fix up remote control central heating that's even better.
Providing heat, light and warmth (even remotely) helped me to feel I was regaining control and providing for DC.

Also - a LUXURY fur heated blanket. Argos. £100+. You'll use it every day and so £ per use it's the cheapest clothing you ever bought!

All of the above can move with you - to emergency B&B, Refuge, relatives, new housing.
Be like a snail 🐌 - take your home with you!
P.S. add some battery fairy lights.
💪

This. Whilst the abuse is ongoing, you will struggle. Are you having to co-parent?

Number one advice is to seek some kind of 'support'- could be counselling or just spending regular time with a friend. Or an online support group.
Number 2, prioritise yourself. Try and do little things to look after yourself (within the constraints of your life- ie being a single parent and not being able to get out, or having no spare cash....) and be kind to yourself- things exactly like a PP mentioned- a heated blanket is cosy and comforting. Find something you really enjoy on TV/ Netflix- don't binge watch but watch an episode every night- so you've something to look forward to. I don't know what kind of things you like... but do as much of them as you can.
It's so hard when life is difficult and your mood is low and there's no one to look after you... but try and fill your own cup to give yourself a little pleasure and build up your strength to cope with the rest of life.

Thank you- I’ll check family lives out as I’ve not heard of them before!

Thank you- I used to go to the gym 3-4 times a week but I recently haven’t had the motivation to go as I’ve felt so awful about myself. A catch 22 really isn’t it. What helps you stay motivated?

I unfortunately can’t afford nursery fees on my salary alone. Part of his financial control is to not pay nursery fees at all or pay them late which has on occasion led to me having to take time off work to care for DS. I earn an okay wage but not enough to afford the fees on my own

Thank you this is so helpful. I am a fiend for fairy lights so I will have to buy some more, they make me so happy (and DS)

I like the sounds of the heated blanket…I will add this to my Christmas list!

I'm so sorry to hear this OP- so tough for you both.
I'd just add good uplifting music and feel good tv to your quick mood changers. My latest favourite on catch up is Second Hand Showdown where 2 stylists battle for their makeover capsule wardrobe to be chosen by the makeover victim. Everything bought off Vinted! V inspiring and cheap to replicate at home!
Also just be kind to yourself through this period of shit. Let the house be messy/buy junk food/ skip a shower if you can't motivate yourself - just be loving to DS and to yourself xxx

@Meirob You'll make it through - loads of us have. It's actually easier looking after only yourself and children.
How old is your child?
What hours are your job?

Have you made sure you are getting any benefits you're entitled to?

Have you done the freedom programme? Finding other single mums in the same boat has been a massive thing for me. It's really really hard to do after being in a coercive/abusive relationship because you might feel guilty for talking about the abuse/being vulnerable with people, but the women I have around me now (5 years later) are amazing.