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Mental health

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Flip

Original poster

just want to press a button so it will stop hurting so much...

15 replies

unhappy · 23/04/2008 19:27

i am so low right now I dont know what to do my life has no sign of ever improving I am in a relationship of sorts (was normal for 12 years) but for last 5 years he has been having an affair and I have ignored it - his OW just had his baby and now I feel like he doesnt love me anymore and I dont know who the hell I am I dont want out of the relationship so please dont post leave him posts its not what I want - i just want to be the woman I used to be before i became a doormat an idiot a fool not for love but for what ????? I just wish I could switch off from life right now I hate everything and everyone except my beautiful children I need help but dont know where to turn dont want pills need therapy but cant afford if financially or time wise - work full time I feel so hopeless I in my 40s not my 80s but cant wait to get out of it completely !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

LittleMy34 · 23/04/2008 19:36

oh you poor thing you do sound low. I shan't say anything about your relationship as you clearly know things ain't right, but maybe you need to have a night out with some girls and cheer yourself up?

and if that isn't possible, then how about some big old MN hugs

{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Original poster

unhappy · 23/04/2008 19:42

wish I had girls to go out with - so not possible thanks for the mn hugs dont get any from anyone else except ds and dd - what a saddo !!!

OP posts:

LittleMy34 · 23/04/2008 19:54

hey, hugs from children are the best sort so you're not a saddo. And having beautiful children means you must be doing something right!

My mother put up with my dad having an affair for ten years so we would have a stable home, and I don't know that she'd recommend it, but it was an amazing thing to do for us.

if you are going to stay with him then don't let him define you - you're a mum and a person and what he does doesn't make you any more or less that person. If you see what I mean.

hope this helps

Original poster

unhappy · 23/04/2008 20:01

yeah i know what you are saying just want to move on but cant do the whole closue thing dont want to lose what family life we have just feeling sorry for myself I guess dont know why just so wish I was who I used to be not this shadow of my former self if that makes any sense !!!

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LittleMy34 · 23/04/2008 20:07

I know that feeling, am blessed with lovely DP and lovely DS but would still sometimes like to be the girl who had a flat stomach and went out dancing every night in orange platforms erm......oh god, 15 years ago!

it's ok to feel sad and down sometimes, that's what MN is for. treat yourself nicely, award yourself a treat (glass of wine? chocolate bar? takeaway?) and give yourself a break.

more hugs

{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}

Original poster

unhappy · 23/04/2008 20:14

thanks so much for your posts

OP posts:

LittleMy34 · 23/04/2008 20:20

it's a pleasure - hope you feel a bit better.

Now are you sitting comfortably? do you have your treat of choice in your hand? have you got something daft but fun on the telly?

and if you need more help, then keep bumping your thread on here - it's so busy on MN that sometimes important threads disappear.

chubbymummy · 23/04/2008 20:25

Sorry things are so bad for you at the moment!
{{{{{{}}}}}}}

thirtysomething · 23/04/2008 20:30

you may well be able to get free or very low cost therapy. lots of cities have counselling services where the fees are means-tested and can be free. It does sound like you would really benefit from finding out who you are and what you want and therapy could really help you do that. life can be shit and sometimes you can't seem to see any other options; sometimes it's just a case of accepting a situation and realising you are choosing not to leave, and getting to the point where you are happy with that and not angry with yourself. Forgive me if I'm not getting it at all but it sounds like deep down one voice is telling you to get out of the relationship and another part of you can't contemplate that at all, so you feel like you're letting yourself down? You need to find a way of getting both parts of you to talk to each other and decide what they want, or you'll always have that not-quite-right feeling....

As others have said, be kind to yourself, put yourself first for a change and come back for support whenever you need it.

Original poster

unhappy · 23/04/2008 20:53

yeah have downed way too much wine !!!! thank you for your posts mn is busy and i appreciate your time xx i know i should go but there arev so many things keeping me here - life not always clear cut !!!!!

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FAWKEOFF · 23/04/2008 20:58

awww sweetheart

where abouts are you?????
I would be more than willing to meet up for a good ol nees up if your up north...or just for a chat for you to get itout

you do need to stop seeling yourself short
you're worth more than this...and deep down you know it
Life is short babe and it only comes around once. Too many people i know have wasted the best years of their lives on a total wanker because they felt too inadequate to leave, when really once they were out of it they didnt care if they lived for the rest of their lives on their own as long as it was nt with them. do you work???

Original poster

unhappy · 24/04/2008 09:03

Sorry I did not post again last nigh Fawkeoff but the wine got the better of me and I crashed. You sound great. I am down south and I do work and I thank god for that its good to get out of the house and talk to grown ups!!

Feeling a bit better today - its swings and roundabouts with emotions isnt it - just trying to stay positive for the kids. I have so many conversations in my head that I want to have with DP but am too scared to actually say them - maybe one day I will who knows!!!

Thanks again for all your posts last night it really does help feeling that someone is listening to you x

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allgonebellyup · 24/04/2008 09:47

The OW has just had his baby??

Does he know that you know?
Do your friends and family know?

My dh and i split last year, and now he is having a baby with someone else, there is no way i would want to be back with him, although i did for a long time.

i know you dont want to hear that you should leave him, but i would advise that you see someone about your obvious lack of self esteem and confidence. You are going to waste your whole life if you dont sort yourself out. Im depressed as hell on my own and i feel time is running out (im 28), but surely that has to be better than letting some twat walk all over me?

allgonebellyup · 24/04/2008 09:48

sorry hope that didnt sound too harsh, but surely there is no alternative?

Original poster

unhappy · 24/04/2008 11:51

Hiya allgonebellyup - he told me when she was pregnant. But no my family and friends do not know and I dont intend telling them. You are right in that I have self esteem and confidence issues which I am trying to deal with but my life situation is very complicated issues I dont want to talk about on MN. Have read some of your posts on other threads and know you were/are in a lot of pain too - hope you are OK. Thanks for your post

OP posts:

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