Analysis paralysis - no motivation

[Midlifezombie]

I’ve spent the last few years treading water and making no progress. I have very high achieving friends and former colleagues. Even the less overtly ambitious ones have changed something in their lives eg moved cities or countries.

I knew what I wanted to do for a job from a young age but about 7 years ago, I was made redundant. At first I was devastated - v hard to get jobs in this sector. But then I realised I had been bored for years and kept going as it superficially seemed too good to give up.

I went on to use my transferable skills in other roles but nothing has really made me massively excited. Ive been good at these roles but get unmotivated at doing the same thing for too long.

In other news, I need to lose weight. I’ve signed up to a programme which I stuck to for a few days and then got bored. Or lost focus. I have tried weight loss injections but they made me feel super ill and soooo tired that I lacked even more motivation.

I am late 40s but have felt like this for a long time. I just don’t make progress in anything and have no idea where the day goes. Am shit at housework. I should have written a book by now but am at a loss to decide on plots and get started and dread the idea of such a long project. I have used Duolingo to learn quite a lot of a language I’m passionate about but gave up when work got too busy and have lost all that progress. Plus I got addicted to the gamification of it and getting answers right rather than learning.

Im short listed for a pretty big role right now but just know the admin and management side will prove my undoing.

I’m a very ineffective person right now and just wonder is this it until I slide into my grave. I have tried mental health apps. I subscribe to positive talk apps and have tried hypnosis. Half the time I just don’t make the time or get round to doing the tasks. Why? What’s worked for people?

I have a DH, two DCs and a house and realise I’m lucky.
I was obsessed with moving house a while ago to a more expensive area but realise we are better off with v small mortgage right now vs possibly bigger property price appreciation in a decade when IHT and other new property taxes may torpedo that ‘gain’ anyway. I think the house is meant to represent the ‘self’…

The thing that has always worked for me is to pick one thing and give it 100%. I have ADHD so it plays to my hyperfocus. The problem with that of course is that balance and neglecting things cam become an issue, so I would say simplify and automate things as much as possible. I also get bored after a few years, novelty and having things to look forward to are important.

Re Weight loss and exercise
, I followed NHS guidance for while then that plateaued I joined Fast 800 which has an online community, lots of interesting recipes, then after that I signed up with a PT 1.1. Personal motivation alone is lot to reply on so don't! It's okay if you are giving something up but if you want to activate new behaviours I need some kind of human element to it.

@Midlifezombie Oh my goodness, this is so relatable!

I had a nervous breakdown last year and within a couple of months I was posting on here about how I lost efficiency and effectiveness and it's so annoying!

With hindsight, I realise that recovering quite quickly was amazing and probably used up more of my mental resources than I could fully see. But I still don't feel efficient and effective.... but when I look at the evidence of what I've managed to get done in the last year, post breakdown, it is okay actually. No great shakes, but okay.

Have you done a review of what you've achieved? That also really helped me. I realised that I am capable of certain things and sometimes life is so overwhelming you achieve stuff, but you don't have time to process that you've achieved it! Btw your duolingo sounds well impressive!

I have found that green powder is quite helpful.
I tend to get more done on days I've had green powder in the morning.

I go through phases of being more efficient and the last one was interrupted by having Covid a week or two ago.

This has really pissed me off as it was interrupting a good streak. I was exercising daily too. I now have fatigue, ugh.

To some extent, the mantra "just do it" applies.

Sometimes you have to do stuff, even if you don't feel like it.

I can't wait for motivation because it won't turn up!

If I just do what I'm supposed to do, I feel better about it and make more progress. Honestly I have to limit use of MN. I tend to use it for company though.

Have you got stuff on that you enjoy? I think that's really important, life can't be an endless to do list.

I did think about starting accountability threads on here on this mental health section, because a lot of my feelings are around inertia rather than the heavier side of mental health.

For me, this is in itself an achievement because I've had mental health problems for years.

Are you glued to the Internet generally? This is a big problem for a lot of people.

Thanks for all the comments so far. I do wonder about ADHD as I can’t seem to do anything without the looming deadline - including prepping for a really important job interview with an hour or two to go! I worry that will not work in the real world
where I will have to manage multiple projects at once.
I totally agree with automate. Bills etc on direct debit, Gousto delivery to take brain off having to menu plan and worry about food waste and use. I simply follow instructions.

The books that lots of people recommend eg Atomic Habits overwhelm me. I have about five books on the go and make no progress with any of them. I used to be a massive
reader as a child and teen. I use audible but find I have to look or read something else at the same time which defeats the purpose.

i hate laundry as I can’t seem to get clothes dry in time to clear space and get next load on. Also, folding washing is a pain as I then have to find room for it in drawers and cupboards. Every task around the house seems to lead to having to unpick five other steps. I know this is normal and most people just crack on and don’t see it as a big deal.

I lose things ALL the time.

I’m not very good at adulting.

Intereating advice @EmeraldRoulette re writing down achievements. When I do career highlights for my CV it is like I’m speaking about a different person. At my last job the people around me treated me like I was some sort of genius just for doing my role moderately well. It felt good but also
a bit embarrassing as I would not have been happy doing it to any lower standard and frankly I could get away with coasting so much of the time.

I don’t think I have had a breakdown - I guess I would know?
I’m not massively sad or anxious. I fret about small things but not big things. I do feel slightly disappointed with myself. I have had opportunities that others would have made FAR more of. What’s stopping me?

In the past I would probably have quietly been bored with issues or people that I deemed to not be exciting enough. Now, I’m a dull middle aged grumpy and frumpy person who if I’m honest, would have little to offer anyone with any degree of accomplishment. I’m not doing myself down, I’m just being honest!

I don’t know whether I need a high pressure job to get some oomph back or if the stress of it will overwhelm me and lead me to further drop any self care routine.

in fact I find self care tedious. Can someone unpick that!?

@Midlifezombie oh god, I'm not suggesting for a minute you'd had a breakdown - you'd know and probably everyone else too.

it's just that's what's given me a year of the blahs. Also I see your point about doing the job moderately well. But it's still worth it, I think, because there's always times we think we're not enough but we have underestimated our worth.

in terms of what's stopping us - took me a while to realise it is partly that I value peace more than a lot of other things.

I think society tells us that we should always be more ambitious but that might not actually be right for us.

I won't waffle about the rest of it as I have to get some chores done now!

Eat more protein, lift heavy weights and try and be consistent. The person you feel like today is because of everything you do in the last 6 months . Etc.

Declutter Bug is good.

I can relate!

I'm not very good if I don't have structure in my life. I will literally waste hours if I don't have something planned. Much as I would love not to work I'm actually better if I have a job. I'm also better if I pay for a course of exercise classes.

I need to lose a bit of weight and have just gone back to eating breakfast, lunch and dinner with no snacking. I'm also trying to eat smaller portions. If I want cake on the odd day then I have it. I'm not doing any bloody new fangled Fast 800 or eat only lettuce on Monday, Wednesday and Sunday because it's a pain in the arse.

Same with my wardrobe, slowly selling and letting go of things to create some space after which I will review and buy some new bits.

Could you go back to your original career? It might not be your calling but it sounds like it may have worked for you better than what you've done in recent years.

I think when you don't have anything particularly exciting going on in any area of your life it can negatively affect everything. You just feel like you're in a complete slump. You just need to find a nugget of something to get you going.

Weight lifting has done wonders for a distant friend… good tip @ncncncncncnchhh .

Thanks @AustinFlowers for sharing. Original career is a bit of a young person’s game sadly. Less than a handful of friends still in that field are very much top of their game now and I don’t think I could find anything at mid level at my age. The pay is also pretty terrible (unless you’re at the top!)
There are elements of it I could do more of though… I hear you re structure.

In terms of the job, maybe just investigate everything. If there's a particular element of your old career that you enjoyed see how that translate into a different field.

Part of my problem is that I've been bitten a few times over the years and have got stuck in a comfort zone which has turned into a bit of a rut. Never used to be like this and used to be pretty industrious back in the day so need to change.

Suddenly had an urge to do something slightly random the other week and I found a volunteering opportunity that might fit so I sent an email yesterday. Might be a pile of poo but I guess I won't know unless I give it a go.

I think the moral of this story is....
Stay curious
Keep going
Little wins
Be kind to yourself
Stop comparing yourself to others