So as the title suggests I am just completely fed up, tired of everything. I have had a tough few years with a cancer diagnosis a few years ago and other tragedies happening in my life and my DC needing medical interventions when they was born. I've recently started a new job, it is something i've wanted to do for a long time and after a crappy few years a really fresh start. The money is not great, but it comes with more training, so I am taking the opportunity whilst I can. It is a job that requires clients and this week nobody seems t have booked an appointment with me, also somebody got rather annoyed with me as I could'nt verify their payment unless they opened the app on their phone - she didn't have the phone with her so I could not verify the payment. Eventually it was sorted but I was slightly dumbstruck when she sent an email specifically asking for somebody else when she next comes in for her next appointments even writing this person name in bold on the email! I was very pleasant with her and agreed it was ridiculous that this was the only way to verify the payment, but it simply would not let me do it without it! I know this is the nature of the job and I know I should not take anything to heart. But now it is making me question if I am really any good at this or is this a big mistake.
My insecurities come from school, I was never picked for teams, always picked on and bullied and its left me very insecure about my abilities and looks, I was constantly teased about my looks despite having grown up and always having postive experiences with being told I am attractive but I have trouble believing it which has sent me on a spiral of forever worrying about how I look.
it feels very much like my life includes if anybody is going to blamed not picked or moaned about it is me. I sometimes just feel like I am a target.
This isnt about sympathy, it was really a way to get stuff off my chest. I know I should not take any of this stuff personally, but just cant help it.