It takes time but something that really resonated with me recently was a podcast I listened to : The Diary of a CEO where Steven Bartlett was interviewing Mo Gawdat. His life's work is all about happiness having lost his son in an operation caused by errors made by the surgeon. His son had a wonderful outlook on life and Mo decided to devote his life to spreading the idea of happiness. This is an extract from that podcast. It genuinely helped me so so much. If you get the chance listen to the whole thing.
"So there are three levels of happiness, right? You know, if you really think about it, I call it the happiness flow chart. Events are gonna piss you off, it’s just the truth. If you can manage to acknowledge your emotion and say, “Oh, my life, am I angry? Is this anger? Is this what I'm feeling? And then you take that feeling and you say to yourself, “Okay, interesting. I am angry, I need to do something about it”. I will give you three steps, okay? The beginners’ level is ask yourself, if what you're thinking is true. If it isn't, drop it, there is no point to be unhappy. If it is then let's go to the black belt level of unhappiness, which is can I do something about it? That's the second question. Is it true is question one, can I do something about it is question two, right? And honestly, by the way, it doesn't take more than two seconds to feel the emotion, ask yourself if it’s true, and then go to can I do something about it? And if yes, then do it. Sometimes, however, there's nothing you can do about it. What I have experienced, the loss of Ali, is irreversible, there's nothing you can do about it. And I'm not asking everyone to get there quickly. But the Jedi master level of happiness is to say, okay, it happened, and I have no choice to change it, there is nothing I can do to fix it. So can I accept it, but not surrender and lie down and you know, and die, accept it, and then start to do something to make my life better, despite its presence. Or maybe because of its presence. Okay, can I accept that Ali died and start to spread his message, so that my life and the life of others become better? Can I do that? I call that committed acceptance. Okay. And it's very simple. If you accept things you can’t change and commit to make your life better, despite of or because of their presence, nothing can beat you. Nothing can beat you. And yeah, is it horrible that I actually managed to move on and, you know, not hit my head against the wall for 27 years? Does that say I don't love Ali? What are you talking about? I adore Ali, I cry about missing him still today. Right? There is nothing to prove in that. What I can prove is I love him so much, that I actually dedicate my life to spreading his message. That's so much better than sitting there and saying, “Ah, life hit me. I don't like life”, right?