TW I’m not ok

[Chocolateteapot12]

My husband died by suicide 6 weeks ago and I have two primary school age children. My mother, who is staying with us, told me today that I haven’t been ‘courteous’ to her (implying I have been rude and angry and haven’t shown enough gratitude for her help).
I can’t live this life. I don’t know what to do with myself

I’m so sorry. Losing your husband must have been devastating for you and of course you are grieving whilst trying to look after your two children. I don’t think your DM is being fair. Your emotions must be all over the place.

You poor thing, this is just awful. I’m so very sorry. Of course you aren’t ok and it’s absolutely fine to not be ok. Rant away on here, we’re here for you.

I guess your mother is also struggling although I would have hoped for better from her.

Have you sorted out some bereavement counselling. It doesn’t change anything but it might help. Sending a very unmumsnetty hug to you. 💐

Oh love.

I have 2 primary school aged children too, who lost their father to suicide Christmas 2022

Your mum does not sound to be very helpful at this moment, do you have any other support around you?

Please be gentle to yourself. I promise you that although the grief is always as strong you and your children will grow around it, you really will.

It will seem so bleak now because it's so early, but I wholeheartedly promise you it won't always.

Sending you so much love

I'm not sure where you are based, but there is a service called Amparo that were fantastic with me in the aftermath. Hopefully they will be local to you

I'm sorry for your loss.

Please try Grief Encounter who provide free support to bereaved children.
https://www.griefencounter.org.uk/

Cruse provide free support to bereaved adults.

You should also have a SoBS (survivors of bereavement by suicide) in your area ❤️

For the kids Winston's wish are helpful, there are lots of books they can recommend.

If you are on Facebook there is a group named suicide bereavement support UK which I have found very helpful too.

Hopefully your mum fully understands that what she said was not compassionate or fair. Although she isn't likely to be as deeply affected as you are by your husband's suicide, she might be feeling overwhelmed and broken in the face of your trauma and that of your children, and just doesn't have any idea what to do or say.
I don't say that to excuse her. It isn't about excusing anyone. It's just that everyone is so fractured and worn away in such devastating circumstances that they blunder about blindly, hurting themselves and the people they love. Everything is too raw. Nothing is as it should be. Just take one minute at a time.

Thank you for all the caring messages and for the support recommendations. I have joined SoBS and been in touch with Winston’s Wish so far

Glad you will have some extra support from joining those

I think your Mum was out of order saying that to you, but is probably grieving too and not thinking straight

So sorry for your loss, you must be feeling incredibly hurt and lost. Feel free to rant away if you need to. Do you want to tell us about your husband if it would help to talk about him?